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Key points
- Some tweens are having difficulty acclimating to post-pandemic life.
- There are a host of key factors that may contirubute to your tween's post-pandemic blues.
- Fortunately, there are some simple steps parents can take to to help their tweens through this difficult time.
As the world finally begins to open up and return to pre-pandemic circumstances, you may have expected your tween to return to the enthusiastic, happy-go-lucky kid he was before the pandemic. The reality is that children as a group tend to be resilient, so the chances that most will bounce back are pretty good. If you notice that your child seems more anxious or shy, less enthusiastic or excited about anything, you may be concerned.
During the pandemic days of lockdown, your child was probably ushered into a cocoon, an experience not typically required of tweens her age. While it may have taken some adjustment, your tween most likely eventually acclimated to this situation. In reality, many tweens actually settled in. Shielded from the awkward challenges typically faced by tweens, they felt comfortable and calm in their homes. Free from many of the social and academic pressures faced by the same-aged kids pre-pandemic.
For the majority of kids, news that their world was finally opening up was well received. If your tween, however, seems less than enthusiastic about re-entering civilization, don’t panic: This is not as atypical as it might sound.
There are a whole host of reasons why even the most outgoing and happy pre-pandemic tween may seem hesitant and even unhappy to re-enter their world.
Cocooning was comfortable
Nestled in at home with few places or people to see, many tweens created encapsulated worlds. Days were filled attending online school and hanging out with immediate family. Most kids were free to pursue online interests, including gaming and socializing. Parents generally refrained from putting in too many online restrictions because they realized that, unfortunately, without online connections, kids had little else to keep them occupied.
Some tweens became so comfortable with this scaled-down world that they were not too open to re-entering the outside environment. Hence, when the time came for them to break out, they were not too keen on doing so.
Fear factor
Because COVID vaccines are only available to kids 12 and up, the majority of children (0-11) are currently unable to get the COVID vaccine. In addition, it has been consistently reported that the parents of children 12-15 are more reticent to get their teens vaccinated. A Harris poll, for example, found that 25 percent of parents of 12-15-year-olds currently report they do not intend on getting their children vaccinated. At the same time, it has been consistently reported that the D variant of the virus is easier for non-vaccinated individuals to catch.
Taken all together, this can cause a lot of anxiety for some tweens, making them reticent to venture out into the world. In addition, easy access to social media and the internet, in general, can heighten this anxiety as many tweens fall victim to fake or exaggerated news regarding the pandemic.
Tweens living with especially anxious parents can become paralyzed with anxiety, which can also result in resistance to re-enter the outside world. Fear and stress can take over, leaving little room for the light-hearted pre-pandemic tweens parents are familiar with.
When social isolation sets in
When feelings of loneliness and social isolation pervade, tweens may find themselves experiencing a serious case of the blahs. This can result in a tendency to see everything in a negative light. It may feel as if doom and gloom prevail.
This makes it difficult for tweens to simply “snap out of it.” Because the pandemic seemed like such an untoward event, many tweens fear that they can never get back to baseline, as they are in constant fear about what could come next. And while many parents are quick to point out that “everyone” went through this, it provides very little solace to tweens, who tend to be egocentric by nature; instead, it is experienced as invalidating.
This can make tweens feel even more isolated and alone because even their own parents don’t get them. Keep in mind that during tween or pre-teen years, kids look predominantly to their parents for validation and support. It is not until the teen years when their friends tend to take on this role.
Overexposure to social media
With little else to keep your tween connected to the outside world during the pandemic, your tween may have become particularly dependent on social media. It is well known that most of us prefer to put our best foot forward on social media. This exposure may have left your tween believing that everyone had it so much better than she did during the pandemic.
While it was not uncommon for some kids to create pods with the help of their parents, social media may have given your tween a false sense of these connections. This may be especially true for tweens who did not really engage with anyone outside of their family during the pandemic. A bad case of FOMO can result in a confident and socially secure pre-pandemic tween feeling like a lost loser. This is the result of hours spent scrolling through posts inaccurately accentuating how much fun everyone else seems to be having with each other.
In reality, these get-togethers were probably less frequent than they seemed. And even if they were frequent, the pandemic certainly limited the list of activities to engage in, as well as the group of peers, allowing a sense of monotony to settle in after a while from doing the same thing over and over with the same people. But alas, a well-scripted photo can relay a thousand false words to your frustrated tween.
Quick tips to help your tween fight the post-pandemic blues
- If you sense your tween is struggling, sit down and talk with her. Although you may feel you are the best person for the job, consider reaching out to an outside professional counselor.
- Validate his struggles. Acknowledge that you can see he is having a tough time and ask how you can offer your support.
- Avoid comparing what she is going through to anyone else, especially yourself. For example, saying, “I know what you’re feeling,” will probably turn her away from you immediately. As a tween, she is naturally egocentric. This means she doesn’t believe anyone has ever thought or felt the way she does, especially not you. Try something like: “I am sorry you are feeling so badly. I am here to offer support in any way I can.”
- Offer time and patience. Strike a balance between encouraging him to re-engage with friends and pre-pandemic outside activities he previously enjoyed and giving him space to take the first steps.
- Demonstrate appreciation for activities and projects she may have picked up during the pandemic, even though they may be more solitary. For example, if she became a Minecraft expert, encourage her to invite friends from school to play together in person.
- Don’t immediately dismiss friends he made online during the pandemic. To encourage him to interact with peers during the pandemic, you have been more lenient about him engaging with peers he met online. Now that the pandemic is done, don’t automatically assume he will disconnect from these peers who may have truly offered him a lifeline. Of course, put safety first by getting as much information about these new acquaintances as possible. If all checks out and it is feasible, you may consider asking him to invite them over so they can finally meet in person.
As we emerge from these unprecedented times, re-adjusting to post-pandemic life circumstances may take more time for some tweens than others. If you notice your tween is having some difficulty bouncing back to her pre-pandemic personality, take a moment to reflect. By acknowledging that you notice that she may be struggling, you provide the first step in offering support. A little bit of validation can go a long way. Reach out and let your tween know that you will work with her to help her re-acclimate to the new post-pandemic world.
