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For most people, happiness is the holy grail. The question is how to get happier. These ideas may not sufficiently help people struggling with serious problems but could still be of value to all.
Preventing sadness
These ideas are mainly common sense but alas, many people forget the obvious.
Spend as much time doing what makes you happy and, to the extent feasible, excise activities and people that make you unhappy. No need to embrace standard sources of happiness, for example, parties, dancing, travel, or watching sports. It's fine if you prefer, for example, work, hiking, and binge-watching Masterpiece.
Accept yourself. No, of course, don't accept that you're a serial killer. But, for example, let's say you hate your nose and aren't about to get a nose job. Try not thinking about it and when you catch your face in a mirror, turn your attention away to the next positive thing you can do.
Find reasons to be grateful Even if your life is in the tank, you can feel happier if you look for little things to be grateful for, for example, a pretty flower, that you live in a nice climate; that first bite of food. That may explain why saying pre-meal grace has endured for so long.
Ameliorating sadness
Of course, because we’re human, we don’t behave as uniformly as do electrons. So accept, reject, or adapt these suggestions to fit you.
Suppress and distract what’s out of your control: the job application you sent, the trauma you experienced, your current or past mistakes.
Some people argue for allowing extended time to process difficult events, but my clients and I have generally found that the benefits of extended rumination are outweighed by the pain of the sad event remaining top-of-mind. For example, a client insisted on taking months to process the loss of his beloved wife, but over the months, he remained equally sad. Only when he pushed forward and started to date, reminding himself that his wife would want him to, did he become happier.
Face the worst realistic possibility. Let’s say you’re afraid that your romantic partner will leave you. You fear that you’ll never meet someone as good and that you’ll be alone forever, which would make you very sad. Facing that worst-case could help you realize that perhaps you’re better off alone for a while, or that especially if you changed a couple things about yourself and made an effort, you could find a new partner, perhaps an even better one. Or facing that worst-case could motivate you to work on your current relationship, for example, with a relationship summit.
Change the topic. Some problems are irresolvable. What works in my marriage is recognizing those situations and saying, “Let’s change the topic.” Some people might balk at our avoiding the issue, but it’s worked for my wife of 44 years and for some of my clients.
Move attention away from yourself. Among the more potent yet side-effect-free anti-sadness "medications" is to focus on other people. your work or avocations.
When a loud buzzer unexpectedly sounds, some people will barely react while others will jump out of their seat, going from 0 to 60 in one second. When angered, they may reflexively, for example, yell, although fortunately, rarely in that one second, hit someone. Forgive yourself that one second — that’s out of your control. But get in the habit of, after that first second, taking a deep breath. That will slow your heart rate and blood pressure and give yourself a moment to realize that yelling, let alone hitting is a mistake.
That said, there are rare times you’ll elect to get angry, for example, with a supervisee who, despite ability to do the work, shirks and has ignored your gentle encouragements.
The takeaway
Of course, one size does not fit all and in severe mental illness, more may well be required, but for common malaise, the aforementioned could well make you happier.
I read this aloud on YouTube.
