Verified by 
The just-published new edition of the classic career guide, What Color Is Your Parachute? updated by fellow Psychology Today blogger Katharine Brooks, includes a fine section on succeeding while shy. And she speaks from personal experience: “I myself have been painfully shy for much of my life, but no one ever guesses.”
Here are nuggets from that section plus my additions.
"Don’t apologize for being who you are. Work with it ... (in a job interview), you could mention that you don’t tend to talk too much and you make a point of listening to all opinions before you make a decision."
Indeed, in many workplaces, especially high-powered ones, there’s a surfeit of talkers. So a good listener and synthesizer could well be a valuable addition to the mix.
“You may never be comfortable in certain settings like an interview, but you can learn to function well in them, and then you can go home ... a small amount of discomfort and ‘faking it’ can go a long way.”
I like that tip because, like her previous one, it doesn’t require a personality transplant. Too much how-to advice does—for example when an extroverted writer insists that success demands lots of networking.
“After an interview, networking event, or other extroverted activity, don’t be too hard on yourself.”
Introverts tend to overanalyze themselves (and others), so that's good advice. That said, a measure of self-evaluation following such an event is usually wise. It may even be appropriate to ask for honest feedback.
“What are three strengths you want an employer to know about you? How can you craft those into a story?”
Indeed, many introverts can become more comfortable when speaking if they have a story rehearsed, especially one about their strengths. But don’t memorize your stories—that risks sounding artificial.
“If facing a group interview, try focusing on one person at a time. Pay attention to the person asking the question while making eye contact with everyone ... (Also), find a friendly face—there’s usually at least one.”
That said, be aware that merely scanning the participants won’t create sufficient connection. What has worked for my clients is to look at the questioner and then, when answering, first look at the interviewer on the far left for one second, then at the person to his or her right for one second. Keep going until you’ve done that for all the interviewers. Then reverse the field.
“Prepare for networking events ... Check the headlines for interesting events that people might want to talk about ... Entertainment is always a good start.”
I’ve found that, in professional contexts, a helpful conversation starter is, “I’m working on X. What are you working on or thinking about these days?” The latter phrase opens the door for the person to talk about something important to them, whether pertaining to work or not.
Here are a few more of my suggestions that have helped my shy clients:
- Find kindred spirits. If you're shy, your radar for identifying others is probably good. Seek them out. Even many shy introverts like and do well in one-on-one relationships.
- Work solo, whether self-employed or in looking for a well-suited job. Words in a job ad such as “self-starter” are a plus, “team player” a minus.
- Face the cause of your shyness. Often it’s fear of failure or rejection. Start by assessing your probability of failure and what you can reasonably do to reduce it. For example, upskill or not apply for a job for which you're insufficiently qualified. Also, face the worst outcome: You’re rejected, or you fail. You can survive that and perhaps learn from it. You’ll also feel better for having tried. Just don’t overgeneralize from a failure or three to “I’m a total loser.
In our extroversion-valorizing society, it’s easy for introverts and shy people to feel less-than. In fact, many people prefer working and playing with people who aren’t bombastic. I certainly do.
I read this aloud on YouTube.
