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It’s been a rough year. We all know the toll it has taken on ourselves and our loved ones. Some have lost loved ones, jobs, and homes. Some are suffering from health issues. Probably most people either have or have had COVID or know someone who has it. What happened to our social life, savings accounts, sense of safety, and predictability?
It is normal to acknowledge and grieve all that you have been through. Grieving can take many forms, such as being irritable or withdrawn. Most people with whom I have spoken feel a sense of exhaustion. People are simply too tired to deal with any more stressors.
Hence, I write this post to help inspire hope and healing.
There are many ways to grieve. If you are tired, give yourself permission to rest. You don’t have to do everything like you usually do around the holidays. It is normal to feel tired, angry, sad, or numb. We can’t undo last year, so we have a couple of choices. We can: 1) ignore or avoid pain (including hurts or disappointments from the past), 2) resist it, or 3) live through it.
Ignoring is initially a highly attractive option because it allows you to temporarily push away discomfort and pain. You can immerse yourself in work, television, video games, alcohol, or food. For a moment, you can forget about it. We have all done this before, and it does work for a while. But this is only a temporary strategy. Eventually, the flimsy band-aid falls off, and you are still left with the wound.
Avoidance doesn’t heal the wound but ironically actually prolongs the pain. Continuing with avoidance eventually leads to secondary problems, compounding the pain. Now you have two issues, what you used for avoidance and the original issue. Regardless of whether it sounds scary, you know it serves you best to find another strategy.
Resisting is also a common experience. No. No, no, no! This should not have happened. It is unfair, not right, unthinkable, unacceptable… no.
You may wake up every morning thinking about the injustice with disbelief. It is shocking. Your body cannot stomach it; your mind cannot grasp it. Where does the anger go? It just swirls around inside of you, impeding your sleep, giving you chronic pain from tense muscles, and upsetting those around you.
Lashing out at others doesn’t solve it. You have every right to be angry, and yet you also know this is not how you want to live your life. Again, you know it serves you best to find another strategy.
Ultimately, what we have left is the option to live through it. This means grieving the losses: crying, breathing, and releasing. Inhaling in and exhaling out deep, slow breaths. At first, this may release a flood of pent-up emotion. It is because you are holding tension in your chest. It gets easier as you continue to practice breathing.
In the process, offer yourself comfort, such as wrapping a cozy blanket around your shoulders. Allow yourself to shudder and shake. Let it out. I know it is intensely painful. I reassure you that the waves do become less frequent over time.
Sometimes we get stuck searching for a way to make sense of something that does not make sense, at least not from a personal perspective. Maybe from a bigger perspective, there is some kind of purpose, but regardless, it is what happened. I do like to believe that for every life experience, we gain wisdom. You may not see it at this moment, but it could make sense to you in years to come.
Some helpful strategies to live through grief:
- Visualize releasing the hurt, pain, and injustice. Give your pain an image; maybe surround the pain in golden light, and see it float away. Imagine yourself releasing any and all negativity. See it evaporating and floating up to the heavens. As you release the past, you free yourself to be open to the present and future. If you've experienced the loss of a loved one, you can visualize sending love and surrounding him or her in a loving golden light.
- Focus on the breath. Inhaling opening to life, exhaling releasing all that no longer serves you. In this way, the breath itself becomes a metaphor for living life. It is a constant reminder to be present in this very moment. Bring your attention to this breath, a brand-new experience, something you have not experienced before. It can also be helpful to go outside and breathe fresh air.
- Rest. Grief, by its very nature, will make you tired, so take the time to rest. Resting is the body’s way to restore and heal. It helps our immune system and digestion. Rest also helps your brain.
- Hydrate. Drinking water is one of the very best ways to support your mind and body. It helps move everything through and out of the body, including the breath, food, toxins, and emotions. You will feel better when you are hydrated. (A trick to remember how much water to drink is roughly half your weight in ounces per day.) Caffeinated drinks do not count, as, in fact, the caffeine can dehydrate you.
- Stretch. Move your body, stretch your muscles, go for a walk, dance, wiggle, raise your arms—it will help improve your mood and circulation.
- Laugh. Nothing is better than a good laugh to release tension and improve mood.
- Detox. Think about the things you may be doing that add a toxic burden on your health (smoking, alcohol, caffeine, junk foods, soda). Everyone knows these are not healthy. Maybe now is a good time to consider reducing or even quitting?
- Set some goals. What would you like to accomplish in 2021? Some people like to make a vision board with pictures of things they want to create in their lives.
- Visualize good things coming to you. Open yourself to receiving unexpected abundance in multiple areas of your life. Create a space for opportunities to show up. Welcome joy and happiness as frequent guests in your home.
- Connect with others. Talk, share, laugh, or spend some time with someone. You are not alone. Find ways to reach out and connect with others. Or do something to help someone else, the community, and/or the planet.
We are almost through this pandemic. Appreciate the good things in your life, breathe, and stay present. Now is a good time to practice safe and healthy habits, compassion towards self and others, and unwavering hope. I do believe it will get better soon. May you heal and welcome prosperity and joy in 2021.
