Codependence and Narcissism Are Two Ends of a Continuum

The grassroots term “codependence” emerged in the 1940s and was adopted by chemical dependence professionals as a valuable heuristic for labelling the pain of a dysfunctional relationship with an alcoholic/addict and an easily understandable reason for participating in mutual support 12 Step programs. But it has remained debatable as a distinct diagnosable disorder. In 1986 I advanced the theory in Diagnosing and Treating Codependence that codependence is a set of character traits that are the inverse of narcissism, and these traits can become so intense and rigidified that they become the source of considerable dysfunction, i.e., a personality disorder.(1,2)

A 1995 article by Irwin used statistical analysis of two codependence and two narcissism scales to test this theory and concluded “…there is now some empirical basis for positing a link between codependence and narcissism….”(3) There were, however, limitations to this analysis, discussed at the end of this post.

The link between narcissism and codependence occurred to me with reading the myth of Narcissus, which also includes Echo, a wood nymph in love with Narcissus. This ancient Greek story about what was a common dyadic relationship even back then is the first description of codependence.

Cursed with the inability to say anything that had not already been said by someone else, Echo was the perfect mirror for Narcissus, who eventually cried that he would die before giving Echo any power over him. She replied the only way she could, by repeating, I give you power over me.” Failing to respond to Echo’s love was Narcissus’s “crime” for which he was punished. The punishment was to be made to fall in love with his own reflection in a pool of water. It is the myth of Narcissus and Echo, and it is just like Narcissus to get the whole myth named after only him in most peoples’ minds.

In modern terms, Narcissus was like a radio transmitter and Echo like a radio receiver. Narcissus emitted signals and Echo, in her search for succorance, received, enhanced, and reflected them back. Many people become so consumed by alcohol and other drug addiction that they project blame onto everyone else, and echoists are those who are most susceptible to identifying with these projections.

The process of projective identification requires two participants – the projector and the identifier. Narcissists are particularly good projectors and echoists are particularly good identifiers. Echoists are the enablers of narcissists, cult leaders and political demagogues.

Or, in Karen Horney’s psychoanalytic terms, “People in whom expansive tendencies are predominant have goals, traits, and values that are opposite to those of the self-effacing...", which she called “morbid dependency”(4) and Panache attributed to “agreeableness” (going along to get along in stressful situations) in her study of wives married to alcoholic men.(5) The question my theory attempts to address is “What are the character traits that make a person especially good at meeting narcissists’ need for attention and approval?”

When the diagnostic criteria for narcissism are inverted, they are quickly recognized by many who suffer in relationships with alcoholics/addicts as excellent criteria for the traits they have developed and call codependence. For example:

1. While narcissists have a grandiose sense of self-importance, their partner echoists labor under a sense of insignificance.
2. While narcissists are preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited power and brilliance, their partner echoists are preoccupied with feelings of profound impotence and failure.
3. While narcissists feel entitled, their partner echoists feel disenfranchised.
4. While narcissists are interpersonally exploitive and lack empathy, their partner echoists are excessively submissive and feel deep empathy for their partner’s suffering.

One criterion for narcissism that may apply equally to echoists is a sense of being unique and special in some ill-defined sense.

The concept of codependence has admittedly often had a faddish and overly inclusive quality; but so has narcissism. Despite this looseness, codependence can be defined as a set of character traits that are every bit as operational as the criteria for narcissism. And, as with narcissists, the personalities of codependents can become so narrowed down to only exaggerated echoistic traits that a true personality disorder exists.

I have encouraged serious study of personality types that are most susceptible to remaining in dysfunctional relationships with self-centered and frankly narcissistic alcoholics/addicts. Just as narcissists come in different forms (i.e., victim, grandiose, phallic sadistic, closet, etc.), echoists/codependents have similar forms. Underlying these various forms of both narcissism and echoism is a common thread defined by the criteria for each.

Irwin’s study was fundamentally flawed, not for methodological reasons nor for his fault. The flaw lay in the inadequate precision of the inventories and questionnaires available to him. For example, the Narcissistic Personality Inventory and Narcissistic Personality Disorder scales he used provided opposite results as verifications of the link between narcissism and codependence. The lack of coherence between these two scales is taken as an indication by Irwin of the complexity of narcissism, but this conclusion is not generalized to codependence and the failure of the two codependence scales (Spann-Fischer Codependency scale and the Codependency Inventory) to relate childhood trauma to adult codependence is used to diminish the concept of codependence rather than to support its complexity.

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The truth is that DSM criteria for narcissism are not easily operationalized, and the diagnosis relies largely on subjective assessment. If the same standard is applied to codependence as a potentially diagnosable set of personality traits, the concept stands up to scrutiny. Whether codependence is the opposite of narcissism, a form of failed narcissism, or merely one version of narcissism, the two are intimately linked. More study is still needed, and warranted.