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We are exploring the origins of human development. We are discussing the three pillars of development: feelings (affects), language, and cognition.
Currently, we are examining the issue of language—particularly in terms of the importance of words and language even before the child speaks. The baby is immersed in words—from pregnancy into early childhood and onwards. In a sense, the baby does not have a “preverbal” period (Vivona, 2012, 2014). This time of “words-before-speaking” is very important—especially in terms of the parents putting “words to feelings.”
So here we go…
How and What Does the Baby Understand—Even Before Speaking?
During infancy, the baby and caretakers communicate through facial expressions and gestures and sounds. We described this process in detail previously. All babies have a universal, inherited, built-in signaling system with which they both send and receive signals. These signals are called feelings—such as enjoyment, surprise, anger, and fear. (The technical terms are “primary affects” or “categorical affects.”)
At first, then, a child may gather meaning through your tone of voice, inflection, gestures and facial expressions. Studies have shown that soothing words and tones register differently to an infant than distressed and angry sounds or words. But it is also stunning to realize how quickly very young children understand the meaning of words themselves. From the earliest days of their lives, children are developing their vocabulary. At this young age, the child’s ability to understand words far outstrips her ability to speak words. This is one reason it makes good sense to talk a lot with very young children…they are learning words and meanings long before they can speak!
It is a thrill when parents realize how much a child is processing and learning before she utters her first word. Finally, they can talk to their children and be clearly understood. “Please bring your shoes to me so we can put them on”…and lo and behold the child delivers her sneakers. “Will you please pick up your trains off the floor so no one steps on them and breaks them?” And he picks up his trains. The child may not be able to speak yet, but he is accumulating an understanding of many, many words—far more than he will be able to put voice to for months and months.
Putting Words to Feelings
So, a child is never too young to understand what’s going on (even if on a purely emotional level) and is never too young to talk to. But once you realize that, you can also ask yourself: What kind of talk? What words? To what end? Almost any talking and words can be a useful learning experience for your child. But an especially useful strategy with your pre-verbal child is labeling her feelings with words. The payoff is terrific if words for feelings can be brought into the conversations at the earliest possible time. As we have explained previously, pre-verbal babies and infants use nine signals to express their needs, fears, feelings and desires. These signals (interest, enjoyment, surprise, distress, anger, fear, shame, disgust and dissmell) are communicated through facial expressions, vocalizations and gestures.
Parents can help young children become aware of their feelings (and feel that the parents “get them”) by using the words for the nine signals whenever an opportunity presents itself. “You are excited about that glitter make-up!” “You felt a lot of fear when the dog ran up so fast.” “You were angry when I said no more cookies before dinner.”
Some research suggests that the parents’ capacity to link words and feelings is an important aspect of a good parent-child relationship and the healthy development of the child’s personality. Greg Lowder and his colleagues are psychoanalytic researchers from New York and California. Over the past several years, they have explored this issue in an intriguing set of studies. In 2007, these researchers eloquently summarized the work as follows: “Many factors come to bear on how successfully a mother will be able to manage the parenting experience. A primary factor may be her ability to connect her emotions to language. Her ability to do so, more or less successfully, will affect her capacity to regulate emotions as they arise, along with her ability to receive support from others by successfully communicating what she feels” (p. 266).
There is also an extensive literature in experimental psychology that tends to support the efficacy of interpretation of affect, particularly as a viable form of emotional regulation. Experimental studies have found that verbalization (spoken or written) of current emotional experience reduces distress in contrast to no verbalization, verbalization of nonaffective material, distraction, or reappraisal (Frattaroli, 2005; Kircansky, Lieberman, Craske, 2012; Pennebaker and Chung, 2011). In addition, neuroimaging studies suggest that affect labeling diminishes the response of the amygdala and enhances the activity of the cortex (Lieberman, et al. 2007).
Examples
Here’s an example of putting words to feelings before the child can talk. Say your infant daughter is crawling toward a toy and accidentally puts her hand on a sharp thumbtack. Her eyebrows will arch in the middle, the corners of her mouth will drop down, her chin will begin to quiver, and she may begin crying and then getting red in the face and howling. Upon seeing or hearing this you will probably come over, pick her up, say something like “Oh, sweetheart, I’m so sorry,” reassure her, hold her, and perhaps kiss her hand where it hurts.
What have you done here? You have correctly perceived that the thumbtack triggered your daughter’s distress, fear, and then possibly excessive distress and angry feelings. You responded by attending to the trigger of her pain, getting rid of the thumbtack, kissing the hurt hand, and comforting her.
In this instance, you have understood your daughter’s reactions—you have translated her facial expressions and cries into the feelings of distress, anger, and fear. This is translating. Many parents are able to do this instinctively—understand what feelings their baby is expressing through facial expressions and cries. Some parents are also aware of the existence of inborn feelings and are able to translate the expressions into words at the time: “Oh, dear, that hurt, didn’t it? I can see you are distressed and scared.”
Let’s look at another example. Your little boy is crawling on the floor and spots a small red car. He picks it up, looks at it intensely, his eyebrows a bit down and his mouth slightly open. Now he begins to play more actively with it, gurgling delightedly as he runs it back and forth along the floor. You realize he is interested in the little car, and he is getting excited as he plays with it. Technically, the affect of interest has been triggered—exactly what you want. You might even put it into words for him: “You sure are interested in that car—that’s great! You really are excited!”
This is the earliest kind of translating, moving from facial expressions and vocalizations into feelings. Later we will discuss another type of translating which is harder for many parents: going from the child’s words back to the feelings.
Next month: We will discuss “When Children Begin to Talk.”
References for Interested Readers
Frattoroli J (2005). Experimental disclosure and its moderators: A meta-analysis. Psychol Bull 132: 823-865.
Kircanski K, Lieberman MD, Craske MG (2012). Feelings into words: Contributions of language to exposure therapy. Psychol Sci 23: 1086-1091, 2012.
Lieberman MD, et al (2007). Putting feelings into words: Affect labeling disrupts amygdala activity in response to affective stimuli. Psychol Sci 18: 421-428.
Lowder G, Bucci W, Maskit B, Christian C (2007). Poster Summaries II. Human development: Interactions with psychoanalytic perspectives: It’s hard to say: The challenge of connecting emotions and language for first-time mothers. J Amer Psychoanal Assn 55: 265-269.
Pennebaker JW, Chung CK (2011). Expressive writing: Connections to physical and mental health. In The Oxford Handbook of Health Psychology (HS Friedman, ed). New York: Oxford University Press, pp. 417-437.
Vivona JM (2012). Is there a nonverbal period of development? J Amer Psychoanal Assn 60: 231-265.
Vivona JM (2014). Introduction: How does talking cure? J Amer Psychoanal Assn 62: 1025-1027.
Dr. Holinger's Receommended Children's Books of the Month
[Everybody Loves Butterflies] Everybody Loves Butterflies
Author: Tanis Taylor | Illustrator: Masumi Furukawa
New York: Parragon, 2013
This is a wonderful story about a caterpillar who wants to stay a caterpillar and not grow up and change into a butterfly. A terrific metaphor!
[The Adventures of Beekle] The Adventures of Beekle: The Unimaginary Friend
Author & Illustrator: Dan Santat
New York: Little, Brown and Company, 2014
The 2015 Caldecott Medal Winner. A poignant story dealing with courage and friendship and attachment.
CORPORAL PUNISHMENT IN THE NEWS
Physical punishment has become a current topic of conversation after a recent statement by the Pope. Click here to read about the Pope's Statement.
As expected, there have been many significant responses to his statement. A couple notable responses are linked below.
Response from the Former President of the Republic of Ireland
http://www.belfasttelegraph.co.uk/news/local-national/republic-of-irela…
Response from the Pope's Sex Abuse Commission
http://www.news1130.com/2015/02/07/popes-sex-abuse-commission-alarmed-b…
[Dr. Holinger] About Dr. Paul Holinger
Dr. Holinger is the former Dean of the Chicago Institute for Psychoanalysis and a founder of the Center for Child and Adolescent Psychotherapy. His focus is on infant and child development. Dr. Holinger is also the author of the acclaimed book What Babies Say Before They Can Talk.
