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How often do your clients seem to fail once at a task and then refuse to attempt it again? How often does this happen to you? Failure can create resistance that becomes an obstacle toward progress and growth, but in my work, I've found that one group of people is more easily able to overcome failure: video game players.
Most video games allow you to immediately restart a level or challenge, something we can't do so easily in real life. Even someone who plays video games infrequently has experienced failing and trying again in quick succession. Thanks to how little time passes between attempts, what we can change to improve is fresh in our minds. We know exactly what we can do differently because we just did it.
The metaphor of replaying a level makes it simpler to understand how valuable it can be to try something again. Clients may see too much time pass between opportunities to try something again so therapists can help point out what those things are, and prepare the client for another attempt.
For example, a client once explained that he had said something to his boss in a meeting that he deeply regretted. He was unable to speak with his boss again before our session so he wanted to talk about how much he regretted what happened, what consequences he feared, and how he didn't know if he could face his boss again. It took us a while, but we came up with a plan to talk to the boss and see the opportunity as a do-over with potential benefits.
I had another client with an almost identical situation, but I knew she played games on her phone to relax so I asked her: "If this were a game, like the one you play on your phone, what would you do next?" Her eyes opened wide, she sat up and said: "Restart the level and try again!"
This metaphor doesn't just work well with adults. I had so many kids already view their lives this way, especially when it comes to XP. Many games have systems in which you gain experience points, or XP, for, well, past experience. As you gain XP, you unlock additional skills and abilities, and in some games, more XP means you can enhance specific attributes such as intelligence or strength. So many of my clients surprised me over the years in how healthy they framed failures in school, relationships, and at home. They knew that trying again would reap benefits. Sometimes all I had to do was compare their current situation to their favorite game.
In Jane McGonigal's book Superbetter, she explains how she designed her recovery from a concussion as a game, applying experience points to activities in her life. She could actually quantify progress over time because she gave a numeric value to everything she did in support of her recovery. After a certain number of points, she reached a new milestone. (You can create your own version of Jane's experience at https://www.superbetter.com/.)
Another great thing about the XP metaphor is that you don't lose experience points in games, you only gain them. No one can take your XP away from you, same as no one can take away lived experience.
Some games, like the action series Devil May Cry or the VR rhythm game Beat Saber, will give you a rating or rank upon completing a level. Think of this like being graded on a test. Unfortunately, when you take a test, you get a grade, and that's it. You sometimes get a do-over if you fail, but video games will let you try again and again to achieve a better rating even if you succeded. This metaphor, in particular, was very useful with clients familiar with rankings because they understood that you could complete a task in different ways for better outcomes. This is why I have an "infinite-lives" rule for tests in all of my classes. If a student wishes to try again to obtain a higher grade, I encourage them to do so. Learning that we can redo some things in our lives to achieve better outcomes would be very helpful and lead to more opportunities.
If you're working with someone who has even a passing interest in playing video games, try using games as a means to discuss the value of trying something again after a failed attempt or as an opportunity to do better. It may just remind them to apply something they already know.
PS: Today is National Video Games Day! Happy #NationalVideoGamesDay!
Copyright © Geek Therapy • Josué Cardona
