Does Holiday Eating Stress You Out?

Holidays can be extra stressful for those who have a history of body image and eating concerns. Even if you don’t meet the criteria for an eating disorder diagnosis, you may feel overwhelmed by the increase in food-centered events and bogged down by the heightened focus on appearance (got your little black dress for New Year’s yet?). Especially after a year plus of pandemic hiding out, eating in social situations can leave us a bit unnerved.

Practice staying in tune with yourself while connecting with others when eating this holiday season. In other words, keep “One Eye In and One Eye Out.” I learned this term from Anita Johnson, author of Eating in the Light of the Moon, over a decade ago when I was a clinical director of La Luna Center, an intensive outpatient treatment center for eating disorders. I’ve expanded and adapted the skill over the years to include strategies from contemplative practice and modern psychology. Here’s how to do it.

Start with Two Eyes In

• Practice appetite awareness. Often at social events, we check out from our interoceptive awareness. Use a technique from an evidence-based and cognitive behavioral approach to mindful eating called Appetite Awareness Training. Take a moment before eating to check in with your body and ask yourself how hungry are you on a scale from 1-7. Try to eat when you are moderately hungry (around a 2 or 3) and stop at moderate fullness (around a 5). When you eat between moderate hunger and moderate fullness, you respond to your body’s homeostatic needs and retrain your mind to use your body’s signals to guide your eating.
• Cultivate emotion awareness. Sometimes the wires between our emotional hunger and our physical hunger can get crossed. Checking in with your feelings before eating can help you meet your emotional needs without using food. Ask yourself, What am I feeling in this moment? Angry, anxious, stressed, or sad? Then ask yourself, What does my sad/angry/anxious self need right now? Break the “experiential avoidance” cycle of using food to avoid your feelings by tending to them directly.
• Check in with your values. Values are personal and chosen qualities that you bring to your daily actions. In a modern psychological approach called Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), therapists teach you to use values as a compass to direct your behavior. Tune in and ask yourself, How do I want to act toward myself and others right now? What qualities do I want to bring to your eating experience? Do I want to be flexible? Compassionate? Kind? What action would point me in the direction of those values right now?

Turn Two Eyes Out

• Engage in food awareness. Often when we are eating during social events we check out from the act of eating itself. Take time to turn your eyes out to what you are eating. Be mindful of its presentation, colors, textures. Eat with your eyes first and appreciate the food on your plate. This will help you savor the experience. Happiness researchers have documented that savoring is a key mindset to positive emotions. Savor with your eyes first.
• Have ecosystem awareness. One of the teachings that most impacted me from visiting Zen master Thich Nhat Hanh in my 20s was the practice of honoring the ecosystem of our food. Hanh taught us to consider the rain, sun, and people that contribute to making our food. Connect with the land, farmers, and cooks that made your food. If it’s a potluck, appreciate the many people that gathered to create this food. If it’s a family dinner, appreciate your ancestors that originated and passed on the recipes. Bring awareness to your culture and to your lineage that lives in the food you are eating.
• Grow your interpersonal awareness. COVID has taught us a lot about the preciousness of live social interactions. Have gratitude (another key happiness mindset) for the opportunity to gather with people again, and use your time with others to connect more deeply. And take a risk and talk with new people. Cultivate belonging by listening mindfully and looking for ways in which you relate. Be vulnerable and authentic and find your common humanity.

Eat with one eye in and one eye out

Put it all together and toggle back and forth between checking in with your inner world and with the outer world. Stay connected with your appetite and emotions. Stay connected with others. And act from your values. Staying grounded in this way will help not only survive holiday events, but hopefully find more meaning in them.