What Being in a Situationship Is Really Like

The concept of the "situationship" has taken culture by storm. Apparently, romantic relationships and their close cousins, friends with benefits and being in the friendzone, leave a lot of people scratching their heads about their relationship status. Things aren't clear-cut anymore.

Writer Carina Hsieh popularized the term "situationship" (Cosmopolitan, 2017) to describe romantic-sexual relationships without a clear nature. Two people can be hanging out but not dating, going out or going steady. Labels like "partner" and "significant other", let alone "boyfriend" and "girlfriend", are awkward at a time when heteronormative conventions are strenuously questioned. Hence, the term "situationship" has come into favor, especially with Gen Z but gaining wider appeal, in an attempt to define an undefined relationship.

Given all the buzz, I was excited to interview family scientist Mickey Langlais about a recent study he and colleagues published in the journal Sexuality & Culture (2024), "Defining and Describing Situationships: An Exploratory Investigation". Dr. Langlais is an assistant professor in the Department of Human Sciences and Design in Robbins College of Health and Human Sciences at Baylor University. He studies romantic relationships, child development, and family dynamics, specifically how technology contributes to developmental and relationship processes.

GHB: What is a situationship?

ML: According to our research, situationships are romantic relationships that involve spending time together and engaging in physical and sexual activity, but there is no label and commitment is low. Applying Sternberg’s triangular theory of love, these relationships are often represented best by romantic love, meaning that individuals are close and engaged in intimate activities, but they do not develop commitment. According to Sternberg, most couples evolve from romantic love to companionate love, which involves increased levels of commitment.

GHB: What motivated your group to research situationships?

ML: The term situationship had been discussed in my classes for multiple semesters. Some of my undergraduate research assistants also discussed and expressed their own experience with situationships. Given how frequently the topic came up, my research team and I did an extensive search of the literature regarding situationships. We were surprised that there were very few publications and presentations on this type of romantic relationship experience, even though many of the students I taught seemingly knew what situationships were.

We found various lay articles on situationships, but the definition of what a situationship was varied. It was the inconsistency of the definitions and lack of data on situationships that drove my research team to design a study to explore situationships. We wanted to provide some initial evidence that established a definition of situationships while using the data to compare situationships to other relationship experiences, to better understand romantic relationship formation and maintenance.

GHB: What were your primary findings?

ML: This study was conducted in two parts. First, we interviewed participants about every romantic relationship experience they had ever had in their lifetime, from one-night stands to committed romantic relationships. Then, we asked them what their definition of a situationship was (interestingly, every participant had their own idea about what a situationship was and did not ask the interviewers for help). Third, we asked participants if any of the relationship experiences they described were a situationship using the definition that they created.

We then analyzed all participants’ responses to create a consensus definition of situationships. Next, we had college students complete an online survey about their last three romantic relationship experiences (anywhere from a one-night stand to a committed romantic relationship). From the online surveys, we found that individuals in situationships engaged in similar physical and sexual behaviors as those in romantic relationships. However, satisfaction and commitment were significantly lower for those in situationships compared to romantic relationships. This evidence further supported the definition that was developed using data from the interviews.

GHB: What role do situationships play in relationships and in the culture at large?

ML: Findings in this study reveal some potential societal trends for young adults (ages 18-29) in the U.S.

First, it is becoming increasingly common that individuals do not label their romantic relationships. The lack of label may represent a larger issue among some American emerging adults, which is a fear of commitment, and fear of commitment may increase as situationships become more common. Obviously more research needs to be conducted to test this notion.

Because we studied the perspective of only one party in relationships, it would be interesting to learn whether the other individual in the relationship agrees on the situationship status.

Second, results from the current study show that a lack of commitment could hurt the quality of the relationship. Our results indicate that situationships do not often evolve into committed romantic relationships and that they are significantly less satisfying than other relationships. Therefore, we do not advocate for situationships as an optimal way to form romantic relationships.

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GHB: What future questions do you have about situationships? Directions for future study, implications, etcetera.

ML: There are still questions surrounding situationships that we don’t know about. The biggest question our research team has regards the motivation for being in situationships. Why do people engage in situationships? Why do people remain in situationships? What are the consequences of situationships for someone’s psychological health? Do people “grow out of” situationships?

It would be interesting to learn more about situationships as they occur along the life course. Theoretically speaking, because young adults are often seeking and establishing romantic relationships, situationships should not be as common later in life. But is this true? Hopefully, by investigating situationships more closely, we can provide more guidance about how to assist individuals and couples who are in situationships.

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