Don't Take a Quote at Face Value

Words and phrases mean different things to different people, which is the source of a great many misunderstandings and conflicts in the world. As such, the source of quotes, who is using them, and how they are being used matters as much or more than the quotes themselves, in my opinion.

For example, the following quote from Louis C.K. has been circulating over the internet:

When a person tells you that you hurt them, you don’t get to decide that you didn’t.

One might assume that he said that after finally admitting to having engaged in sexual misconduct after years of dismissing and denying the allegations; however, that would be an incorrect assumption. A number of women had upsetting experiences with Louis C.K. as a result of his sexual misconduct and he dismissed and denied the allegations after originating the above quote. One might argue that years of dismissing and denying the women’s allegations that he later admitted were true was worse than deciding that he didn’t hurt them. For years, he attacked the credibility of those women by stating that their allegations were false.

My point is not to state that Louis C.K. cannot redeem himself and be forgiven for his prior behavior. Rather, I am stating that, in proper context, there must be better quotes from more credible sources on that topic. In other words, context matters.

On March 18, 2021, the President of the Psychological Association of which I was a member posted something on the organization’s listserv under the subject “Asian American Community Support” in which he referenced the shootings in Atlanta and spoke of his fears as an Asian American citizen because of “the surge of violence in [his] community.” He started his post by mentioning that “violence and anger continue to run through our country.” In his post, he referenced Dave Chappelle as follows:

I don't know what to do to stop this. I alone cannot stop this. To paraphrase Dave Chappelle, as Americans, our power lies in each other.

I do not believe our American strength lies in our individuality, or our ability to pull ourselves up by our bootstraps. It lies in our ability to be together, to be a community.

His reference to Chappelle in that context triggered me because I found it incredibly tone-deaf. As such, that same day, I responded in part as follows:

I empathize with your concern and would even if my spouse weren’t Asian. This is an issue that causes us a great deal of concern and we’ve discussed it on many occasions. That said, I always feel compelled to point out when people opt to quote someone whose history is such that quoting them is completely inappropriate in the context in which they are being quoted. In this instance, it’s the fact that you opted to paraphrase Dave Chappelle, a comedian who engages in punch down humor and who has been called out by women’s rights and LGBTQ organizations and people for his ‘reckless’ jokes pertaining to #MeToo and LGBTQ people, which have the exact same tragic consequences you are purportedly trying to address among the members of [this organization].

Mind you, this was approximately seven months before Chappelle was once again facing criticism from members of the LGBTQ community as a result of jokes and comments he made in his Netflix special “The Closer,” specifically regarding transgender people. This was also after two years of increases in hate crimes motivated by gender-identity bias in the United States.

Negative expression leads to oppression and this reality has been known for a very long time. In fact, George Carlin spoke about it in his 1990 interview with Larry King.

Jennifer Kinsley described the relationship as follows in her article "Therapeutic Expression":

The relationship between speech and harm, as a practical matter, if not a legal one, is obvious. Despite the ancient sticks-and-stones adage, which boldly proclaims that words lack the power to cause bodily injury, it is beyond dispute that speech has the power to inflict emotional and psychological harm. In the interpersonal context, the harsh words of others can undoubtedly influence a person’s self-image and emotional well-being. Indeed, the literature on cyberbullying is replete with harrowing accounts of mental illness, self-injury, and suicide caused in large part by speech-related aggression….

Beyond individual harm, exposure to negative expression can also generate dangerous or unwanted collective harm…. It is true that the spread of negative information, uninformed opinion, and hateful rhetoric can lead to social disruption.

Unquestionably, words—the currency of almost all interpersonal interaction—have the ability to negatively affect us, individually and collectively.

It is this relationship that made Marco Rubio’s #expressionNOToppression initiative so outrageous. Negative expression can and does lead to oppression. That relationship is blatantly clear and has been throughout recorded history.

People who stormed the Capital on January 6, 2021, and their supporters believe it was an act of patriotism and that they stood for the rule of law and law and order. Many others perceive their actions as treasonous and seditious—quite the opposite of a showing of patriotism.

When Pastor Rick Warren says, “We will never stop fighting for liberty and justice for all,” many people, myself included, know that we are not part of “all” as that term is defined by Warren.

The important point is that the meaning of any given quote can differ significantly, depending upon the context of the quote, including the person who said it and when they said it. Taking words, phrases, and sentences at face value without considering such context comes with a huge risk because their actual meaning will always be tied to that context.