Are Teens to Blame for Everything?

Yesterday, I listened to a spoken word poem, "Little Girls Don't Stay Little Forever." The speaker, Erin May Kelly, gave witness to the experiences of pain, abuse, and dismissal many youths experience, especially teen girls. My eyes turned to water. As a therapist, I've seen this dynamic in families and the damage it can do in adulthood.

What Is a Scapegoat?

In Bowen's Theory of Family Systems, a scapegoat is an individual who takes on all of a family's troubles (Kerr, 2019). Often, the scapegoat is the one who all other members complain about and blame. It is common for the scapegoated person to begin to act the role. Scapegoating exists both in families and society at large—and teens are at highest risk.

There is a trope of the teenage troublemaker—the Bart Simpson type who runs around causing problems without perceivable reason, or the "spoiled," "shallow" teen girl. Scapegoating adolescents is an everlasting trend.

Within society, a double standard often emerges: Many view teens as old enough to be held accountable but too young to be given much credibility. When something goes wrong, teens get blamed.

In families, scapegoating can take a dark turn. When parents begin to shame a child, they create situations as double binds wherein the youth might feel that they can't do anything right. It might become commonplace for a family to speak negatively about the teen to each other, even in front of the youth or to other people in the adolescent's life. Such defamation can lead to even more condemnation thrown the teen's way. Siblings might also unknowingly take part.

Research suggests that in families, the oldest child is most likely to be scapegoated (Güler, 2021). Yet, the impact can reach all members.

Why Scapegoating Occurs

Scapegoating is often a family's way of dealing with significant stress. There is often no knowledge in the family that the dynamic exists. Therapists and other adults may sway into this narrative without recognizing what is happening in the family. This can lead to a lack of or harmful intervention that furthers the story of a problematic teen.

Sometimes, scapegoating is more intentional. For example, in families where abuse is present, the parents may blame the child or otherwise vilify the youth to make it less believable if the teen discusses the abuse. This constant criticism can also serve to blind the youth from the reality that they are experiencing abuse instead of giving them a self-image of being a "bad" kid or having somehow provoked or caused their lashes.

What We Can Do

Adults must recognize the signs of child abuse and dysfunction in families, expanding these to include the repeated reproach of a single family member. We also need to be mindful that youth in these family systems might not see themselves as experiencing abuse. They might also feel unsafe (often rightfully so) discussing their plight openly. Far from the painted image of an "abused child" who is quiet and well-behaved, many scapegoated children begin to play the part they have been given by acting out.

Scapegoating does not always mean abuse. Still, it does strongly imply that the family needs help. Effective intervention often needs to include a family component. Unfortunately, in families that scapegoat, it is common for the family to become highly defensive when any conceptualization that does not demonize the scapegoated youth is presented. Revealing that the youth is not "the problem" can force the family to face realities that have been ignored such as another member's addiction or neglect. Still, a skilled family therapist can assist.

Adults who have experienced scapegoating growing up are also likely to continue to struggle against low self-worth, difficulties with assertiveness, and/or fear of authority (Mandeville, 2020). Psychotherapy can provide a place for these individuals to understand their family dynamics, share their stories, and begin to heal.

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Conclusion

Scapegoating is tragically common. Yet, through educating ourselves, we can identify it and possibly prevent abuse, which often accompanies severe scapegoating.

To find a therapist, visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.