Authentic Self-Esteem and Well-Being: Part V – Sources

Authentic Self-Esteem and Well-Being: Part V – The Sources of Self-Esteem

As discussed earlier, authentic self-esteem is the result of a balanced relationship between two factors, namely, competence and worthiness. In other words, we “feel good” because we “do good,” so to speak. This time, we consider the four sources of self-esteem researchers have identified (Coopersmith, 1967; Epstein, 1979): Acceptance, virtue, influence, and achievements.

Achievements

Most people can relate to the positive feelings we experience about ourselves when we reach a goal. However, the goals that affect self-esteem have three characteristics that distinguish them. First, they must be personally significant in that they have meaning for one’s identity as a person. Second, reaching the goal must involve competently facing challenges and overcoming them. Finally, there is an individual dimension to this type of achievement. For example, I take brushing my teeth for granted, so it means little for my self-esteem. However, someone who is very intellectually challenged and yet learns to brush his or her own teeth may experience a deep sense of mastery through this seemingly basic act. In general, we can say that the more meaningful the goal is to a person, and the more challenging it is given his or her [articular abilities, the more personally significant achievements positively affect self-esteem.

Influence (Power)

Psychologists and others have long known that the ability to influence the course of events is associated with well-being. Demonstrating such autonomy means that we can participate in the direction of our lives and perhaps shape them. This type of agency can be expressed in many ways. For example, being a good parent, doing one’s best on the job, or playing an active role in one’s community are ways of influencing the future. Such personal power requires a degree of competence and having such an active voice in the direction or quality of life enhances a positive sense of self.

Acceptance

Like most words, acceptance has several meanings. We can, for instance, accept a task, accept an idea, or accept something for its value. Most mental health professionals talk about acceptance in terms of value because being accepted by self or others involves recognizing one’s value or worth as a person. We can get in touch with this source of self-esteem, for example, by simply remembering a time that we came “home” to the welcoming embrace of a healthy family, a went to warm gathering of good friends or experienced the intimacy of a lover. If we define self-esteem as a relationship between competence and worthiness as this blog does, then we can say that being valued is a source of self-esteem because it provides a sense of worth.

Virtue

Perhaps the most important source of self-esteem involves virtue or trying one’s best to do the right thing. Social scientists may not talk about virtue as much as they should, but doing that which is “just and right” was at the heart of John Milton’s (1667/1931) first uses of the term self-esteem when he created it. This source of self-esteem is unique because although it clearly is based on worthiness (the “right” thing), it also requires the ability to stand up for it which means that competence is involved too. The easiest way to appreciate this source of self-esteem may be to reflect on the last time one was challenged to do the right thing, was aware of that, and then failed to deal with the situation virtuously. Sometimes doing the wrong or weak thing reminds us of the value of doing the right or honorable thing because the decision affects self-esteem in a positive or negative way.

Two Factors, Two Sources, and Balance

While the research on the sources of self-esteem indicates there are four, that is not quite the case. The careful reader will note that personal achievements and influence both reflect competence or the ability to successfully meet challenges. Similarly, acceptance is based on the perception of value or worth and virtue requires acting in a worthy fashion. Consequently, there are only two real sources of self-esteem, namely competence and worthiness, which is consistent with our definition. However, the fact that source may come from two areas is not without importance. What it means is that if a person cannot access one source of competence or one source of worthiness, they may reach it in the other way. For example, if one lives in a situation characterized by toxic relationships, then acting with virtue still puts the individual in touch with a source of worthiness. Likewise, if one is limited in his or her ability to influence a situation, it is still possible to find competence through setting and reaching personally significant goals. As long as we can access both major sources, we can maintain or enhance self-esteem.