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How to Use Social Comparisons to Your Advantage
Avoid these traps when comparing yourself to others.
Posted March 13, 2022 Reviewed by Tyler Woods
Key points
- Social comparisons change as you raise your bar of expectations.
- Social comparisons are flawed because they are based on one aspect of a person's life.
- Maintaining a curiosity mindset can help you use social comparisons to reach your own goals.
It is a dreary afternoon as I listen intently to a college student’s anguish. They are in turmoil over their subpar academic performance on their last exam.
Based on their emotional reaction, you would assume they failed their latest exam. This was not the case. By subpar, they meant that their score was a hair below the class average. As a recent high school valedictorian, scoring below the class average did not sit well with them.
Similar to this college student, we gauge our performance based on how we stack up against others. According to social comparison theory, we determine our social and personal worth by evaluating ourselves against other people.
Society reinforces the use of social comparisons. Consider the educational system, which pits students against one another. From an early age, you knew which classmates were gifted and which ones struggled to get by. You knew your ranking in the herd based on your academic performance, athletic abilities, and social network.
The growth of social media has poured gasoline on our tendency to evaluate ourselves. This is an arena where you engage in an endless stream of social comparisons with the scroll of your finger.
There is nothing wrong with seeking ways to evaluate your performance. The problem is that you are using an inaccurate measuring system. Here are three reasons social comparisons are flawed and how to avoid these pitfalls.
1. Social comparisons are a moving target
First of all, social comparisons are always changing. Any time you achieve a goal and raise your bar of expectations, you will measure yourself against a more competitive group of people.
When I was in college, my academic performance was measured against other college students. Upon entering medical school, the bar was raised. The adjustment from graduating college with summa cum laude to being a middle-of-the-pack medical student was difficult. I coped with the transition by remembering that medical school was a more competitive environment and being a medical student, in itself, was an achievement.
Remember to press pause and reflect on how much progress you have made towards your individual goals. This can help you keep a healthy perspective when you enter a more competitive environment.
2. Social comparisons are incomplete
When you engage in social comparisons, you only focus on the one aspect of a person’s life which you find desirable. For example, if you care about professional status, you may notice your coworker who holds a prestigious work title. If you care more about wealth, you may compare yourself to your neighbor who drives a fancy car or lives in a larger home.
The problem is that social comparisons do not provide a complete picture of another person’s life. As you zoom in on one aspect of their life, you ignore other parts of their life in which they may lag behind you.
As an example, I worked with someone who felt embarrassed to be raising his family in an apartment. He spent his free time looking up houses and envied his friends who were homeowners.
I reminded this individual to take a step back and have a more complete view of his life. Despite living in close quarters, he was happily married and enjoyed a strong bond with his children. Did he ever consider the possibility that his friends did not enjoy the same type of bond with their spouses and children behind closed doors?
Remember that social comparisons provide an incomplete picture. You may be behind someone in one aspect of life but ahead in others.
3. Social comparisons are a façade
Social comparisons are often inaccurate because you are measuring yourself against people who appear to have more of what you want.
For example, when you see someone drive a luxury car, you may assume that they are in a better financial position. However, how can you be certain this is the case? What if they took out significant debt to lease that car and are struggling to make the monthly car payment?
Remember that social comparisons are often based on appearances. You are comparing your real life to someone’s projection of their life. It is an unfair comparison that fuels feelings of inadequacy.
Despite their flaws, social comparisons are difficult to avoid. We engage in them from an early age and they are prevalent in society. A healthier approach is to be mindful and intentional when you compare yourself to others.
It can be helpful to maintain a curiosity mindset when you engage in social comparisons. When someone achieves a goal, study their success. They may be leaving behind clues that can help you reach your own goals.
In addition, social comparisons can signify what is important to you. If you are single and focusing on the relationship status of other people, it may be a clue that you are interested in meeting someone. Likewise, if you are fixating on the physical appearance of others, it may indicate your desire to work on yourself. Shifting the focus on yourself can reveal opportunities for self-improvement.
In summary, social comparisons serve as a measuring stick that is widely prevalent in society. Being mindful when you engage in them can protect you from falling for their pitfalls.
