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Most people who choose to live with dogs (and other companion animals) have questions about why they do certain things and whether or not they should be allowed to do them. Questions about different "acceptable" behavior patterns don't usually cause much concern. However, when dogs try to sniff dogs' and occasionally humans' butts, stick their noses into humans' groins, try to stick their tongues down humans' throats, or try to hump other dogs' or humans' legs, many people want to know if it's OK to do so—my experience is that most humans don't think it's OK—and what they can do to stop these offensive behavior patterns, many of which are entirely dog appropriate.
As I stress in Canine Confidential: Why Dogs Do What They Do, while we know a lot about dog behavior, there's also a lot we don't know and many misleading myths prevail, especially in popular literature, but also in books about behavior and training. (See, for example, "Butts and Noses: Secrets and Lessons from Dog Parks," Do Animals Really Leave Their Group to Go Off to Die?," "The Minds and Hearts of Dogs: Facts, Myths, and In-Betweens," "Let's Give Dogs a Break by Distinguishing Myths From Facts," "Dogs and Guilt: We Simply Don't Know," "Jealousy in Dogs: Brain Imaging Shows They're Similar to Us," "Are Dogs Really Our Best Friends?," "Dogs, Dominance, and Guilt: We've Got to Get Things Right," and "Social Dominance Is Not a Myth.")
Beliefs aren't facts
This past week I gave a talk on dog behavior, dog etiquette, and dog-human interactions. As usual, I was asked a wide variety of questions, and the most credible answers I could give to many of them were along the lines of "It depends on the individual dog and the circumstances," "Maybe it's true, but we really don't know," or "That's just not so, and there are solid data that show this." Many of the questions included the words "why" and "should" or the phrase "is this or that OK," such as "Why does my dog hump other dogs?", "Should I hug my dog?", "Should I stop rough-and-tumble play?", "Are dogs parks OK?", "Is it OK to feed 'people food' to my dog," or "Is it OK for my dog to sleep in my bedroom or bed?" So, my answers to these questions go something like, "There are various reasons why dogs hump one another or try to hump a human," "If your dog likes to be hugged, hug them, and if they don't, don't hug them," "Rough-and-tumble play only very rarely escalates into real aggression, so read the situation carefully, but most of the time the dogs are doing just fine," If your dog likes dog parks, take them there, and if they don't, don't," "If your dog likes 'people food' and is healthy, let them enjoy some," and "If your dog likes to sleep near or with you, it's perfectly OK." Most of this isn't rocket science. Beliefs aren't facts and don't substitute for data, no matter how easy it is to suggest that we know more than we do, often in self-serving ways.
The main point is that there aren't any definite answers to many questions about dog behavior, dog etiquette, and dog-human interactions. Of course, for some situations it's best to stop dogs from doing such things as sniffing humans' butts or groins, humping their legs, or jumping on them or growling at them, for example. Toward the end of my talk, someone asked me about what I thought about people who run their dog while they cycle and I said that I didn't think it was a good idea because I've seen near-accidents on a number of occasions. Once I saw a dog pull a cyclist off his bike and as a result, the leash got wrapped around the dog's legs and both hit the ground pretty hard. However, a woman told me she did this on country roads and her dog loved it, so perhaps it works in certain situations with certain dogs. Once again, it's hard to say "yes" or "no" to many questions people have about their canine companions and their interactions with other dogs or with their or other humans.
As I was answering questions and my lecture was coming to a close, I began to reflect on the fact that for so many questions there aren't definitive "yes" or "no" answers. And, as I was packing up my notes, someone came up to me and said, "Thanks for your talk. I appreciate that there really is a lot we don't know and that you stress how important it is to pay careful attention to who the individual dog is and the circumstances under which they do something. Is that right?" I told them they were right on the mark and I was glad my message was clear.
I kept thinking about my brief discussion with this man, so the next day I revisited some essays I've written and listened to some webinars and podcasts I've given and realized that while many of the answers I give to questions that are asked are "Yes, that's so" or "Yeah, it's probably a good idea not to let your dog do that," many times I simply say, "We don't know" or "Maybe that's OK, but I need to know more about the individual dog and the relationships they have with other dogs and humans."
A few months ago I was taken to task because of my hesitancy to provide definitive answers to a number of questions on an online Q&A, and someone made some rather insulting comments and asked, "Where did you buy your Ph.D.? You're no expert." He seemed to be frustrated that I was being honest and didn't want to offer misleading advice willy-nilly. My brief response was that I'm simply trying to let you know what we know and don't know and that offering advice absent the details about the situation at hand is strongly ill-advised. I know there are some people who are very good at glossing the details and offering fast and false answers or for giving "training" advice without knowing the specific dog and their relationship with other dogs or with their or other humans. I also told myself that in future essays and talks I need to keep track of the answers I give to the questions I'm asked to see how many "yes's," "no's," and "maybe's—we really don't know" there are.
The take-home message is simply that we must pay careful attention to what we know and don't know about dog behavior. Many people find it interesting and often troubling that there are some questions for which there should be obvious and clear answers—"yes" or "no"—but there aren't. And, concerning dog etiquette and dog-human interactions, we need to pay very careful attention to the individual dog about whom we're talking and recognize that there are some behaviors on which most humans frown, even if they're entirely and understandably dog-appropriate. So when dogs try to do certain things that could cause trouble, it's best to stop them from doing them even if you don't care.
Becoming fluent in "dog" helps us learn what's dog appropriate and what's not
Becoming fluent in dog-dog communication is critically important, and I'm sure most, if not all dogs, would have this request on their wish list of what they want their human to do. When we learn the basics of dog behavior and when we learn more about dogs as individuals and why they do certain things, the dogs and their and other humans benefit. So, for example, dogs speak with chemicals and pick up a lot of information from sniffing the mouths, ears, bodies, groins, and butts of other dogs. Even if some people don't like their dog engaging in these acts, they're 100 percent dog-appropriate. Dogs need to exercise their senses as well as their bodies (see also), and people need to know what's normal dog behavior.
Paying careful attention to what each individual dog wants and needs will help to develop and to maintain a healthy and long-term relationship that works for you and your dog. When we make the choice to share our homes and hearts with another being, we must do no less, and they depend on us to do all we can to give them the very best life possible.
Putting the time into learning to understand a dog is a win-win for them and their human. The best and most respectful relationships have to work for all parties, and it's essential to pay attention to what we know and don't know about the behavior of our canine companions and also pay attention to the fact that each and every dog is a unique individual.
The lack of detail about some common dog behaviors is what makes studying them so exciting. Stay tuned for further discussions of the behavior of a fascinating nonhuman with whom many humans share their homes and their hearts.
