Anger in the Age of Entitlement

Relationships

How to Make It Easier for Your Partner to Validate You

Steven Stosny, Ph.D. on July 21, 2023

Genuine accountability in relationships follows compassion—your partner must care that you’re hurt or feel bad and want to help you feel better, not merely admit to hurting you.

Genuine accountability in relationships follows compassion—your partner must care that you’re hurt or feel bad and want to help you feel better, not merely admit to hurting you.

Fear

If You Want to Be Right, Don’t Fear Being Wrong

Steven Stosny, Ph.D. on July 14, 2023

Apart from pure mathematics, we cannot separate emotion from human knowing. Certainty is an emotional state, not an intellectual one.

Apart from pure mathematics, we cannot separate emotion from human knowing. Certainty is an emotional state, not an intellectual one.

Relationships

Words in Love Won’t Get You Where You Want to Go

Steven Stosny, Ph.D. on June 30, 2023

The major shortcoming of communication techniques is that exchanges between intimate partners do not primarily communicate information.

The major shortcoming of communication techniques is that exchanges between intimate partners do not primarily communicate information.

Relationships

Overcoming Barriers to Compassion

Steven Stosny, Ph.D. on June 27, 2023

The experience of compassion follows compassionate behavior more often than the other way around.

The experience of compassion follows compassionate behavior more often than the other way around.

Identity

Identity Resilience

Steven Stosny, Ph.D. on June 23, 2023

The same culture wars that have devolved public discourse into chronic name-calling and pejorative adjectives can also destabilize an individual's identity.

The same culture wars that have devolved public discourse into chronic name-calling and pejorative adjectives can also destabilize an individual's identity.

Self-Help

Writing Exercises for Greater Meaning and Purpose

Steven Stosny, Ph.D. on June 16, 2023

A sense of meaning and purpose is a byproduct of value-creation. If you have a set of core values and stick to them, your life will have meaning.

A sense of meaning and purpose is a byproduct of value-creation. If you have a set of core values and stick to them, your life will have meaning.

Self-Help

Empowerment and the Meaning of Life

Steven Stosny, Ph.D. on June 9, 2023

We have absolute control over what everything in our lives means to us.

We have absolute control over what everything in our lives means to us.

Loneliness

Loneliness vs. Neediness

Steven Stosny, Ph.D. on May 30, 2023

The perception of neediness is mostly habit, running on autopilot. The formation of new habits can replace undesired ones.

The perception of neediness is mostly habit, running on autopilot. The formation of new habits can replace undesired ones.

Empathy

How to Overcome the Limitations of Empathy

Steven Stosny, Ph.D. on May 26, 2023

Compassion and kindness motivate the specific emotional support that will help the injured party become well, which is probably not what you want when you feel injured or down.

Compassion and kindness motivate the specific emotional support that will help the injured party become well, which is probably not what you want when you feel injured or down.

Addiction

From Substance Abuse to Sustained Recovery

Steven Stosny, Ph.D. on May 23, 2023

Unconscious emotions intensify the motivation to use substances and activate a network of entrenched habits that lead almost inevitably to relapse.

Unconscious emotions intensify the motivation to use substances and activate a network of entrenched habits that lead almost inevitably to relapse.

Anger

Treating Chronic Resentment, Anger, and Emotional Abuse

Steven Stosny, Ph.D. on May 16, 2023

The rewards for fidelity to your deepest value are authenticity, conviction, and long-term well-being. Consistently violating your deepest value causes guilt, shame, and anxiety.

The rewards for fidelity to your deepest value are authenticity, conviction, and long-term well-being. Consistently violating your deepest value causes guilt, shame, and anxiety.

Jealousy

Storms of Envy

Steven Stosny, Ph.D. on May 13, 2023

Where "misty envy" makes us seek justice, "stormy envy" motivates retribution, sacrificing justice in the process.

Where "misty envy" makes us seek justice, "stormy envy" motivates retribution, sacrificing justice in the process.

Relationships

Humane Emotions Are the Best Emotion Regulators

Steven Stosny, Ph.D. on May 9, 2023

When trust is a goal in a relationship, the goalposts continually move. Make compassion the goal, and trust will return on its own.

When trust is a goal in a relationship, the goalposts continually move. Make compassion the goal, and trust will return on its own.

Emotion Regulation

Emotion Regulation vs. Emotion Triggering

Steven Stosny, Ph.D. on May 2, 2023

Regulating emotions is much easier and more beneficial than avoiding them. Regulating emotions takes seconds; avoiding them can take a lifetime.

Regulating emotions is much easier and more beneficial than avoiding them. Regulating emotions takes seconds; avoiding them can take a lifetime.

Stress

The Hidden Source of Stress

Steven Stosny, Ph.D. on April 28, 2023

The human brain's propensity to make tacit judgments is the wildcard in coping with stress and dealing with personal and social challenges.

The human brain's propensity to make tacit judgments is the wildcard in coping with stress and dealing with personal and social challenges.

Anxiety

The Genesis of Distrust in Relationships

Steven Stosny, Ph.D. on April 25, 2023

Expressions of anxiety or worry, whether from partners or children, require reassurance. Many people think they’re reassuring when they’re dismissing or invalidating.

Expressions of anxiety or worry, whether from partners or children, require reassurance. Many people think they’re reassuring when they’re dismissing or invalidating.

Anger

For Parents of Angry Teenage Boys

Steven Stosny, Ph.D. on April 21, 2023

Children learn emotion regulation principally by modeling, not by what parents tell them.

Children learn emotion regulation principally by modeling, not by what parents tell them.

Embarrassment

Parental Shaming vs. Encouragement

Steven Stosny, Ph.D. on April 11, 2023

Children are subject to automatic coping habits when shamed. They don’t seem hurt; they seem bored, dismissive, angry, or resentful.

Children are subject to automatic coping habits when shamed. They don’t seem hurt; they seem bored, dismissive, angry, or resentful.

Relationships

Feeling That We Know

Steven Stosny, Ph.D. on April 4, 2023

Humility is the absence of arrogance—it's recognizing that feelings of certainty are part illusion, objective judgment is rare, and truth is polygonal.

Humility is the absence of arrogance—it's recognizing that feelings of certainty are part illusion, objective judgment is rare, and truth is polygonal.

Resilience

How We All Contribute to Violence

Steven Stosny, Ph.D. on March 31, 2023

The road to evil begins with failure to admit that we’re capable of doing harm. It progresses with failure to take pride in doing good.

The road to evil begins with failure to admit that we’re capable of doing harm. It progresses with failure to take pride in doing good.