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Many people get stressed around the winter holidays. So much so, that they can’t wait for the New Year to begin.
That’s unfortunate. But these sentiments are understandable.
During this time of the year, people often feel a lot of pressure — be it from advertising, loved ones, and/or themselves — to spend a lot, eat a lot, and overdo things. All while juggling work, fitness, relationships, parenting, and/or other commitments.
The holidays can feel like a tremendous emotional and financial burden — but as many of us know, deep within, it doesn’t have to be that way.
Ultimately — how we feel — isn’t up to “advertisements,” our “in-laws,” and/or anything else, really.
It’s up to each one of us.
Of course, having effective tools — and planning guidelines — can help.
Here’s my take on how to overcome some of the big emotional challenges that tend to come up for many people during the holiday season.
Consider this a type of Holiday Success Kit.
Overspending
A few reasons why people may overspend:
Two common reasons that are linked to the tendency to overspend during the holiday season, are poor planning and procrastination. Obvious, but true.
Instead of making a holiday spending budget, weeks or months in advance, people often wait until the last minute. Overwhelm follows.
When we’re overwhelmed, it can be tricky to make wise, empowering decisions. Often, people wind up haphazardly dashing around a store (and/or online) without a list or a budget, spending more than they had intended, grabbing “one more thing” here, and “one more thing” there.
Another typical reason why people overspend? Trying to impress others, or worrying about what someone will think if you buy a less expensive gift.
It’s important not to allow preoccupation with other people’s opinions, to determine your holiday budget or your holiday experience.
You can make the call — with confidence in your choices.
A few ways to avoid overspending:
Create a strategy and a budget for your holiday gift shopping. Do it soon, before the holidays are in full swing.
Budgeting is a form of financial and emotional self-care. You deserve it.
Keep in mind that the holidays are about sharing love and friendship — not “things.”
If you’re feeling worried about what others may think about you, your gifts, or the cost of your gifts, consider reminding yourself something along these lines:
“My family and friends love me for who I am, not how much I spend.”
Another option: Creating handmade gifts can be a great way to stay on budget, while pouring tons of love into every gift. You could, for example: channel your inner Martha Stewart, get inspired by crafts that you can find online, create a personalized mixtape, or write a handwritten love letter… and give a gift that can’t be purchased at the store.
Overeating
A few reasons why people may overeat:
First, there’s an obvious reason: often, there’s lots of delicious food available during the holidays, and it’s easy to be tempted to eat when you’re not hungry, or eat too much.
Another reason why people may overeat: emotional eating. Eating out of loneliness, anger, disappointment, stress, or perhaps to hide your true feelings — like at a family festivity, for example, where you may be perceived as being cheerful, even though that’s not how you really feel.
A few ways ways to prevent overeating:
When you feel the need to overeat, it can be helpful to take a few deep breaths.
This may sound like a no-brainer, but deep breathing can function as a “reset” button for our autonomic nervous system, which controls our heart rate, adrenal glands, and stress hormones. This can be thought of like pressing a “pause” or “calm down” button. Instant relief.
Deep breathing can facilitate relaxation and give you just enough time to remember how important you are, important enough to treat yourself and your body with the highest respect.
Important enough to not stuff your feelings or manage stress with food.
Important enough to have the courage to politely decline that second piece of pie from a well-meaning family member.
In a nutshell, important enough to take care of yourself by saying “No” to overeating and “Yes!” to feeling healthy and strong.
This doesn’t mean that you’re saying “No” to a particular food, Forever. “Forever” is a very long time. You’re not saying, “I can Never ever have a piece of pecan pie, again.”
What this means is, “I can have a piece of pecan pie at some point in my life, but because I am satisfied and full at the moment, I choose not to, right now.”
This can be an empowering approach. It’s not about deprivation — it’s about choice. Self-respect.
And if you do choose to eat some holiday treats, it’s ok to enjoy them — in moderation. Without guilt. It can also help to be mindful of portion size, eat slowly, and savor each bite.
Overdoing Things
Your number one priority? Taking care of yourself. This could involve setting boundaries, saying “No,” and making time for what is important to you.
Consider taking time to schedule your priorities in your calendar, as soon as possible.
This may include scheduling work outs, special playtime with your children, solo / private / recharging time, and a few thoughtfully-selected holiday activities that you’re excited about.
As you mark your priorities on your calendar, it’s a really good idea to treat each one with great respect, as you would your job or a doctor’s appointment, for example. These are the commitments that matter.
Make time for what is precious and meaningful to you.
Where possible, consider saying “No, thank you” to what is not a priority to you.
Many people who have done this, have found that they were beautifully prepared for a happy, holiday season; full of priceless memories, not stressful, last-minute shopping, or disappointing post-binge mornings.
Ring in the season with strength, self-respect and self-love.
Those are some of the best gifts of all.
. . .
Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional or psychological advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Contact your qualified provider before implementing or modifying any personal growth or wellness program or technique, and with questions about your well-being.
Copyright ©2020 Dr. Suzanne Gelb, PhD, JD. All rights reserved.
