Romance: The Cost of Blame

How much do money problems hurt relationships? It depends on who—or what—is getting the blame.

Researchers from the University of Utah and Westminster College surveyed hundreds of cohabiting Americans during the height of the current recession. People who squarely blamed their partners for household money woes had the lowest levels of relationship satisfaction among the group. The study, however, couldn't conclude whether finger-pointing is the effect of unhappiness or its cause.

Taking some responsibility for money problems can blunt the blow. When a couple agreed that they were each at fault, their happiness in the relationship didn't take a hit. Self-blame elicits a sense of shared purpose, says study author Lisa Diamond, which is important for maintaining a strong bond. "If you're in a good relationship, you don't want to blame your partner."

If couples could see beyond themselves to the economic crisis itself, they were OK. When someone thought his or her partner was the problem but also blamed the recession overall, the couple was better off than when one partner found the other exclusively at fault. Diamond suggests that therapists could help couples adopt a healthier approach by encouraging communication along the lines of: "It's the economy, honey, not you."