How To: Get Beyond Small Talk

If you'd rather not discuss the weather, skip it. A study asserts that happy people have more substantive conversations than those who engage solely in small talk. The data don't disclose whether profound conversation causes happiness or vice versa, but a combination of both is likely. Small talk is a useful social skill, even a way to enter into deeper conversation, study coauthor Matthias Mehl of the University of Arizona acknowledges, but intimacy is necessary to build and maintain real bonds.—Kristin Vukovic

Skip the Chit Chat

Mehl offers four ways to encourage more rewarding conversations.

• Dare to disclose.
  Substantive conversations don't need to be driven by emotion; they can be about politics, technology, even what you watched on TV, but they must involve some personal disclosure. Next time you're having a dialogue, try inserting something revealing about yourself—you might be surprised how the other person opens up.
• Be a full participant.
  Give your full attention when you're talking to someone, instead of going through that laundry list of to-do's in your head, and you'll inevitably have a more involved téte-a-téte.
• Find common ground.
  Mehl says people look for commonality as a way into having more profound conversations. If you can identify that common ground, you're on your way to having more meaningful exchanges. (You're from Los Angeles? Me too! I also work in finance. Can you believe California is more in debt than Greece?)
• Embrace your environment.
  Find a place where you feel secure and confident. For some people, that might be a corner of a crowded coffee shop—for others, a secluded part of a park. Whether a discussion is one-on-one or in a group, it's important to go somewhere everyone feels comfortable. When people feel relaxed, guards go down. The conversations you'll have will astound you.