Advice: Resentful Beau

I have been with my boyfriend for nearly six years now. I know that in the first two years he was seeing other women besides me. I asked him if he wanted me or all of them and his choice was me. The problem is he readily admits that he is still in love with his ex-girlfriend of 15 years. It was a rocky affair and he claims she cheated on him repeatedly, yet he forgave her. We live together now and I can't help but feel that he resents me for "ruining his life" with the ex. I am sometimes the whipping boy in this relationship and have to expect that anything he did with her will not be available to me. Should he seek counsel or should I?

The question is not whether either of you should seek counseling—what would be the purpose?—but why you want to continue a relationship of any kind with someone who, after six years, is still focused on an ex. And, worse, by your own admission, he actually resents you for not being his ex. What of a positive nature do you get out of the relationship besides someone to hang out with and share household chores and expenses with? If that's all you want, any friend will do. It doesn't sound like there's much love or growth going on in your household. In a truly loving relationship, the world opens to partners, not closes off to one of them; your boyfriend has committed a large portion of his mental real estate to his ex and put up invisible No Trespassing signs. And then you get to bear his irritation? It's a terrible deal for you. I hope you're not thinking of marriage with your boyfriend, because the ingredients don't seem to be there. The two of you really need to discuss your mutual expectations. Living together has its value, but too often it allows couples to sort of drift into marriage. Unless a clear and explicit commitment exists before you live together, cohabiting relationships tend to produce unstable marriages. The bottom line is, you're not participating equally in this relationship, and that's a recipe for disappointment and disaster ahead. Get out before you slide into marriage and have kids with this phantom lover.