Borderline Personality (BPD) Therapists in New Paltz, NY

Photo of Russell Brian Shelkowitz, LCSW-R, Clinical Social Work/Therapist
Russell Brian Shelkowitz
Clinical Social Work/Therapist, LCSW-R
Verified Verified
1 Endorsed
New Paltz, NY 12561
Russell's areas of expertise encompass Depression, Anxiety, Trauma, Family Issues, Relationships, Identity Issues, Self-Esteem Issues, Life Transitions, ADHD, Borderline Personality Disorder, Bipolar Disorder, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, Self-Harm, Learning Disabilities, and Autism Spectrum Disorder.
Russell Shelkowitz, LCSW-R has extensive experience working with adolescents (12+), adults (individuals & couples), and families, and has provided compassionate and effective care in diverse settings, including hospitals, private practices, and outpatient clinics.
Russell's areas of expertise encompass Depression, Anxiety, Trauma, Family Issues, Relationships, Identity Issues, Self-Esteem Issues, Life Transitions, ADHD, Borderline Personality Disorder, Bipolar Disorder, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, Self-Harm, Learning Disabilities, and Autism Spectrum Disorder.
Russell Shelkowitz, LCSW-R has extensive experience working with adolescents (12+), adults (individuals & couples), and families, and has provided compassionate and effective care in diverse settings, including hospitals, private practices, and outpatient clinics.
(838) 221-5937 View (838) 221-5937
Photo of Anneke Eppley, LCSW, Clinical Social Work/Therapist
Anneke Eppley
Clinical Social Work/Therapist, LCSW
Verified Verified
1 Endorsed
New Paltz, NY 12561  (Online Only)
I want to commend you for taking this step towards finding a therapist. Whether this is your first time, or whether you’ve been engaged in therapy before, it took courage to get here. The research shows that the most important indicator of healing in therapy is a trusting and safe relationship with your therapist. I provide this warmth and safety, and from this foundation of acceptance, I help to guide you in excavations of the past to bring light to patterns in the present that may no longer be serving you. I am attuned and eclectic and draw from multiple sources to find a treatment that's a best fit for my clients.
I want to commend you for taking this step towards finding a therapist. Whether this is your first time, or whether you’ve been engaged in therapy before, it took courage to get here. The research shows that the most important indicator of healing in therapy is a trusting and safe relationship with your therapist. I provide this warmth and safety, and from this foundation of acceptance, I help to guide you in excavations of the past to bring light to patterns in the present that may no longer be serving you. I am attuned and eclectic and draw from multiple sources to find a treatment that's a best fit for my clients.
(845) 378-9176 View (845) 378-9176
Photo of Susan Krauss, LMSW
Susan Krauss
Master Social Work, LMSW
Verified Verified
New Paltz, NY 12561
I use mindfulness, energy psychology, EFT, to relieve stress, heal trauma, anxiety, relationships. We work collaboratively, listening to conflicting parts and needs, discovering how to integrate these parts to fulfill your unique potential, talents, and power, learning to recognize and transform blocks to their fulfillment. With those who wish to explore spiritual aspects, we look at the meaning of experience, including mindfulness meditation, teachings from all religions, radical acceptance, emotional intelligence. We work on many levels, from practical decision making; connecting past and present issues; symptom abatement and coping skills, goal setting; to a spiritual search for the authentic self and its means of expression.
I use mindfulness, energy psychology, EFT, to relieve stress, heal trauma, anxiety, relationships. We work collaboratively, listening to conflicting parts and needs, discovering how to integrate these parts to fulfill your unique potential, talents, and power, learning to recognize and transform blocks to their fulfillment. With those who wish to explore spiritual aspects, we look at the meaning of experience, including mindfulness meditation, teachings from all religions, radical acceptance, emotional intelligence. We work on many levels, from practical decision making; connecting past and present issues; symptom abatement and coping skills, goal setting; to a spiritual search for the authentic self and its means of expression.
(845) 393-9316 View (845) 393-9316
Photo of Bradley Berg, LCSW, Clinical Social Work/Therapist
Bradley Berg
Clinical Social Work/Therapist, LCSW
Verified Verified
New Paltz, NY 12561  (Online Only)
We can work together to help you recognize, manage and overcome the challenges you face, and feel better about yourself and your life. I will empathically encourage you to be a creative and optimistic participant in our process. You are likely to experience clarity, useful new insights (from yourself or me), practical techniques to use, and a deeper sense of your own soul. I am compassionate, supportive, direct, and encouraging. Humor included.
We can work together to help you recognize, manage and overcome the challenges you face, and feel better about yourself and your life. I will empathically encourage you to be a creative and optimistic participant in our process. You are likely to experience clarity, useful new insights (from yourself or me), practical techniques to use, and a deeper sense of your own soul. I am compassionate, supportive, direct, and encouraging. Humor included.
(845) 630-0861 View (845) 630-0861
Photo of Infinity Mental Health Counseling, LMHC, Counselor
Infinity Mental Health Counseling
Counselor, LMHC
Verified Verified
3 Endorsed
New Paltz, NY 12561
We are now accepting new clients! Whatever your struggle may be at this time, you do not need to face it alone. Often times we can become overwhelmed with our circumstances, we can feel down about who we are, or we allow fear to block us from reaching our full potential. If you want more for yourself, then join us on a path of gradually creating a new way of being in the world. Infinity Mental Health Counseling is a group practice in New Paltz with professional, qualified and compassionate mental health counselors ready to help!
We are now accepting new clients! Whatever your struggle may be at this time, you do not need to face it alone. Often times we can become overwhelmed with our circumstances, we can feel down about who we are, or we allow fear to block us from reaching our full potential. If you want more for yourself, then join us on a path of gradually creating a new way of being in the world. Infinity Mental Health Counseling is a group practice in New Paltz with professional, qualified and compassionate mental health counselors ready to help!
(845) 367-4954 View (845) 367-4954
Claudine Craig
Counselor, PhD, LMHC, CASAC
Verified Verified
New Paltz, NY 12561
I work with children, adolescents and adults. I consider the importance of building a safe, supportive relationship to help individuals, couples and families overcome various challenges in life. I address trauma issues, substance abuse challenges, eating disorders, anxiety, stress and depression. I provide anger management and I offer psychological testing. I work in conjunction with schools, lawyers and the court. I consider a variety of therapeutic approaches, I address relaxation techniques, and I value empowering client's strengths and work to help individuals live more meaningful, productive lives.
I work with children, adolescents and adults. I consider the importance of building a safe, supportive relationship to help individuals, couples and families overcome various challenges in life. I address trauma issues, substance abuse challenges, eating disorders, anxiety, stress and depression. I provide anger management and I offer psychological testing. I work in conjunction with schools, lawyers and the court. I consider a variety of therapeutic approaches, I address relaxation techniques, and I value empowering client's strengths and work to help individuals live more meaningful, productive lives.
(646) 699-4766 View (646) 699-4766
Photo of Marie Warchol, LCSW, Clinical Social Work/Therapist
Marie Warchol
Clinical Social Work/Therapist, LCSW
Verified Verified
New Paltz, NY 12561
I am a very solution focused therapist and Im here to accompany you on your journey. Whether were are dealing with psychological issues such as depression, anxiety, anger, mood disorders etc. or life issues such as marital, custody, teen issues, divorce or job transitions, we are a team to help create the best quality of life that we can.
I am a very solution focused therapist and Im here to accompany you on your journey. Whether were are dealing with psychological issues such as depression, anxiety, anger, mood disorders etc. or life issues such as marital, custody, teen issues, divorce or job transitions, we are a team to help create the best quality of life that we can.
(845) 262-4244 View (845) 262-4244
Photo of Brian Aiken, MHC, LP, Pre-Licensed Professional
Brian Aiken
Pre-Licensed Professional, MHC, LP
Verified Verified
3 Endorsed
New Paltz, NY 12561
I offer compassionate support to those facing mood disorders, existential issues, sexuality, family issues, spirituality concerns, life path issues, trauma, anxiety, and a range of psychological and personal challenges. I seek to connect with clients in a patient and exploratory manner, providing insight and relief for those who seek it. Genuineness, authenticity, and acceptance are central to my practice and I strive to bring this into every moment. I am based out of Infinity Mental Health Counseling in New Paltz and offer in-person sessions, telehealth, and hiking therapy. I work with teens (16+) and adults of all ages.
I offer compassionate support to those facing mood disorders, existential issues, sexuality, family issues, spirituality concerns, life path issues, trauma, anxiety, and a range of psychological and personal challenges. I seek to connect with clients in a patient and exploratory manner, providing insight and relief for those who seek it. Genuineness, authenticity, and acceptance are central to my practice and I strive to bring this into every moment. I am based out of Infinity Mental Health Counseling in New Paltz and offer in-person sessions, telehealth, and hiking therapy. I work with teens (16+) and adults of all ages.
(845) 385-1763 View (845) 385-1763
Photo of Andrea Singer, PhD, Psychologist
Andrea Singer
Psychologist, PhD
Verified Verified
New Paltz, NY 12561  (Online Only)
Waitlist for new clients
I am a licensed clinical psychologist offering trauma-informed, psychodynamic therapy to individuals. My clinical practice focuses on working with those who have experienced traumas ranging from single incidents, to identity-based traumas, to traumatizing childhood contexts. I also routinely see patients who struggle with anxiety, depression, and identity-related issues. Most of my patients have difficulty tolerating strong emotions and have interpersonal issues or an unstable sense of themselves. Whatever challenges you might be experiencing, you can expect to be treated with sensitivity, respect, compassion, and without judgment.
I am a licensed clinical psychologist offering trauma-informed, psychodynamic therapy to individuals. My clinical practice focuses on working with those who have experienced traumas ranging from single incidents, to identity-based traumas, to traumatizing childhood contexts. I also routinely see patients who struggle with anxiety, depression, and identity-related issues. Most of my patients have difficulty tolerating strong emotions and have interpersonal issues or an unstable sense of themselves. Whatever challenges you might be experiencing, you can expect to be treated with sensitivity, respect, compassion, and without judgment.
(845) 999-1042 View (845) 999-1042
Photo of Mitch And Lisa - Dr. Mitch and Lisa Marriages/Couples Workshops, PsyD, MSW, Life, Coach
Dr. Mitch and Lisa Marriages/Couples Workshops
PsyD, MSW, Life, Coach
Verified Verified
New Paltz, NY 12561
Relationships in Crisis: We Have Several Private Couples/Marriage Workshops & Individual Sessions, in order to Rapidly Accelerate Your Healing & Your Communication Process (Traditional 45 min. session Simply Does Not Work). During these 2 to 4 weeks, we will see both of you Together & Individually, as well as Help each of you Learn the Art of Empathy, Sensitivity & Compassion. These Workshops are Informative & Powerful, in order to Accelerate the Healing Process & Stop any further Damage from Occurring. In Addition, Our Success RATE is 85% of Our Couples that have Successfully Completed Our Couples Workshops or Alcohol Treatment.
Relationships in Crisis: We Have Several Private Couples/Marriage Workshops & Individual Sessions, in order to Rapidly Accelerate Your Healing & Your Communication Process (Traditional 45 min. session Simply Does Not Work). During these 2 to 4 weeks, we will see both of you Together & Individually, as well as Help each of you Learn the Art of Empathy, Sensitivity & Compassion. These Workshops are Informative & Powerful, in order to Accelerate the Healing Process & Stop any further Damage from Occurring. In Addition, Our Success RATE is 85% of Our Couples that have Successfully Completed Our Couples Workshops or Alcohol Treatment.
(845) 588-9141 View (845) 588-9141
Photo of Betsy A Hallerman, LCSW, Clinical Social Work/Therapist
Betsy A Hallerman
Clinical Social Work/Therapist, LCSW
Verified Verified
1 Endorsed
New Paltz, NY 12561
Good therapy focuses on helping people overcome obstacles to living a productive and fulfilling life -- whether in relationships, work, or creative self-expression. As a psychotherapist in practice for 25+ years, my aim is to create an environment where patients can learn about themselves, grow, and, most important, change. My work has been guided by my social work background and psychoanalytic training, and has been deeply influenced by my connection to dance and the arts. I work with people of all ages and backgrounds who struggle with anxiety, depression, personality problems, bereavement, life-threatening illnesses, and family/relationship issues.
Good therapy focuses on helping people overcome obstacles to living a productive and fulfilling life -- whether in relationships, work, or creative self-expression. As a psychotherapist in practice for 25+ years, my aim is to create an environment where patients can learn about themselves, grow, and, most important, change. My work has been guided by my social work background and psychoanalytic training, and has been deeply influenced by my connection to dance and the arts. I work with people of all ages and backgrounds who struggle with anxiety, depression, personality problems, bereavement, life-threatening illnesses, and family/relationship issues.
(646) 480-7046 View (646) 480-7046
Photo of Kristy (Kris) LaRocca, LMHC, Counselor
Kristy (Kris) LaRocca
Counselor, LMHC
Verified Verified
7 Endorsed
New Paltz, NY 12561  (Online Only)
My goal is to create a therapeutic environment where you feel safe, non-judged, and truly seen and heard. Building a trusting and authentic connection is essential before real therapy work can begin. I collaborate with clients to deepen self-understanding, find meaning in life's challenges, and ultimately live more fully and authentically. I take an integrative, holistic approach tailored to each client's unique and evolving needs. Understanding the mind-body connection, I incorporate somatic strategies to build embodied awareness and regulation skills. My training allows me to attune to the profound wisdom held in the body.
My goal is to create a therapeutic environment where you feel safe, non-judged, and truly seen and heard. Building a trusting and authentic connection is essential before real therapy work can begin. I collaborate with clients to deepen self-understanding, find meaning in life's challenges, and ultimately live more fully and authentically. I take an integrative, holistic approach tailored to each client's unique and evolving needs. Understanding the mind-body connection, I incorporate somatic strategies to build embodied awareness and regulation skills. My training allows me to attune to the profound wisdom held in the body.
(929) 447-2415 View (929) 447-2415
Photo of John Reed, LMSW, Clinical Social Work/Therapist
John Reed
Clinical Social Work/Therapist, LMSW
Verified Verified
1 Endorsed
New Paltz, NY 12561
Children, adolescents and adults facing challenges such as depression, anxiety, ADHD, and personality disorders have been my patients, and my teachers. I have been fortunate and had the opportunity to serve in a variety of settings including inpatient psychiatric and substance abuse treatment as well as my current position at a local non-profit agency. I work from a trauma-informed stance, utilizing motivational interviewing, mindfulness, play, and CBT/DBT informed therapies. With extensive experience, and a unique understanding of substance misuse, I can offer patients diverse paths to recovery, from abstinence to harm reduction.
Children, adolescents and adults facing challenges such as depression, anxiety, ADHD, and personality disorders have been my patients, and my teachers. I have been fortunate and had the opportunity to serve in a variety of settings including inpatient psychiatric and substance abuse treatment as well as my current position at a local non-profit agency. I work from a trauma-informed stance, utilizing motivational interviewing, mindfulness, play, and CBT/DBT informed therapies. With extensive experience, and a unique understanding of substance misuse, I can offer patients diverse paths to recovery, from abstinence to harm reduction.
(845) 714-0338 View (845) 714-0338
Photo of Alice Andrews, MA
Alice Andrews
MA
Verified Verified
New Paltz, NY 12561
I know it can be difficult sometimes to reach out, but if you’re reading this, you may be looking for a therapist to help you (or someone you care about) with grief, trauma, anxiety, depression, and/or career & relationship issues. Or maybe you just need to talk confidentially to an objective party, to someone with a different perspective. Have a look at my website: https://adaptivehealing.org to get a better sense of what I do.
I know it can be difficult sometimes to reach out, but if you’re reading this, you may be looking for a therapist to help you (or someone you care about) with grief, trauma, anxiety, depression, and/or career & relationship issues. Or maybe you just need to talk confidentially to an objective party, to someone with a different perspective. Have a look at my website: https://adaptivehealing.org to get a better sense of what I do.
(845) 581-8332 View (845) 581-8332
Photo of Angela A Perez - Aspire To Wellness Behavioral Health, LCSW, PLLC, LCSW-R, Clinical Social Work/Therapist
Aspire To Wellness Behavioral Health, LCSW, PLLC
Clinical Social Work/Therapist, LCSW-R
Verified Verified
New Paltz, NY 12561
I am a licensed clinical social worker, who uses CBT, REBT and others modalities to assist individual, group, children, adolescents, and families to assist each person with the individual treatment needed. I work with individuals with depression, anxiety, PTSD, behavior challenges, and family conflicts. I provide therapy with an unyielding level of respect for the individual path and circumstances of every person who I have the privilege of helping. My approach, honed over decades of experience, consists of nurturing and instilling a social, mental, and emotional environment that will empower a state of wellness in my client.
I am a licensed clinical social worker, who uses CBT, REBT and others modalities to assist individual, group, children, adolescents, and families to assist each person with the individual treatment needed. I work with individuals with depression, anxiety, PTSD, behavior challenges, and family conflicts. I provide therapy with an unyielding level of respect for the individual path and circumstances of every person who I have the privilege of helping. My approach, honed over decades of experience, consists of nurturing and instilling a social, mental, and emotional environment that will empower a state of wellness in my client.
(845) 482-0487 View (845) 482-0487
Photo of Donna Boundy, LCSW, -, R, Clinical Social Work/Therapist
Donna Boundy
Clinical Social Work/Therapist, LCSW, -, R
Verified Verified
New Paltz, NY 12561
With evening and weekend hours available, I aim to make help accessible to my clients. And with over 35 year of work in the field, I bring that deep experience and wisdom to the work. I feel very effective working with clients on many issues: COUPLES: Infidelity, loss of emotional/intimate closeness, communication problems, anger issues, and parenting. FAMILIES: blended family issues, adoption/fostercare, caregiving decisions, substance abuse concerns. INDIVIDUAL: Anxiety, substance abuse, recovery and relapse prevention, self-esteem, anger management, trauma and its aftermath, depression, relationship issues, adoption issues.
With evening and weekend hours available, I aim to make help accessible to my clients. And with over 35 year of work in the field, I bring that deep experience and wisdom to the work. I feel very effective working with clients on many issues: COUPLES: Infidelity, loss of emotional/intimate closeness, communication problems, anger issues, and parenting. FAMILIES: blended family issues, adoption/fostercare, caregiving decisions, substance abuse concerns. INDIVIDUAL: Anxiety, substance abuse, recovery and relapse prevention, self-esteem, anger management, trauma and its aftermath, depression, relationship issues, adoption issues.
(845) 943-0883 View (845) 943-0883
Photo of Jason R Fredenberg, PsyD, Psychologist
Jason R Fredenberg
Psychologist, PsyD
Verified Verified
New Paltz, NY 12561
I am a Licensed Clinical Psychologist with more than 20 years of experience providing psychotherapy, consultation, and forensic assessments. In addition to my private practice, much of my career has been in community mental health where I’ve provided direct clinical services, as well as clinical supervision and worked in administration. Throughout my work in community mental health, I have also held the position of Adjunct Clinical Faculty with the Doctoral Program in Counseling Psychology at the University at Albany where, over the years, I have trained and supervised countless graduate students.
I am a Licensed Clinical Psychologist with more than 20 years of experience providing psychotherapy, consultation, and forensic assessments. In addition to my private practice, much of my career has been in community mental health where I’ve provided direct clinical services, as well as clinical supervision and worked in administration. Throughout my work in community mental health, I have also held the position of Adjunct Clinical Faculty with the Doctoral Program in Counseling Psychology at the University at Albany where, over the years, I have trained and supervised countless graduate students.
(914) 300-1730 View (914) 300-1730
Photo of Page S McIntyre, LMHC, LCAT, Counselor
Page S McIntyre
Counselor, LMHC, LCAT
Verified Verified
2 Endorsed
New Paltz, NY 12561  (Online Only)
Are you struggling with worry, overwhelm, and stress? Are you feeling limited or stuck in life? When personal exploration is supported and encouraged, we decide who we are and how we want to live our lives. I provide a therapeutic space that is compassionate and engaging so that you can gain insight and uncover new paths forward. I aim to help you grow from the past to live an intentional and empowered life in the present. My work emphasizes developing both practical tools to help you in the short-term and deeper healing/trauma work.
Are you struggling with worry, overwhelm, and stress? Are you feeling limited or stuck in life? When personal exploration is supported and encouraged, we decide who we are and how we want to live our lives. I provide a therapeutic space that is compassionate and engaging so that you can gain insight and uncover new paths forward. I aim to help you grow from the past to live an intentional and empowered life in the present. My work emphasizes developing both practical tools to help you in the short-term and deeper healing/trauma work.
(845) 690-4242 View (845) 690-4242
Photo of Rousz DeLuca, LMSW, MFA, Clinical Social Work/Therapist
Rousz DeLuca
Clinical Social Work/Therapist, LMSW, MFA
Verified Verified
3 Endorsed
New Paltz, NY 12561  (Online Only)
Self-compassion is a great buzzword, but it's easier said than done. Sometimes you have to avoid or fight feelings and parts of yourself. Maybe you feel overwhelmed, worn out or conflicted. Maybe you are not satisfied with your core relationships. This could be because parts of you are stuck in past experiences and those parts are using the tools they have (like avoidance, self-criticism, anxiety...) to protect you from more pain, even though these tools don't always serve you now. Together, we can welcome and get to know each part of you slowly and safely, and introduce new tools for coping and making change.
Self-compassion is a great buzzword, but it's easier said than done. Sometimes you have to avoid or fight feelings and parts of yourself. Maybe you feel overwhelmed, worn out or conflicted. Maybe you are not satisfied with your core relationships. This could be because parts of you are stuck in past experiences and those parts are using the tools they have (like avoidance, self-criticism, anxiety...) to protect you from more pain, even though these tools don't always serve you now. Together, we can welcome and get to know each part of you slowly and safely, and introduce new tools for coping and making change.
(347) 395-0805 View (347) 395-0805
Photo of Katie Gill, LMHC, LPC, Counselor
Katie Gill
Counselor, LMHC, LPC
Verified Verified
4 Endorsed
New Paltz, NY 12561  (Online Only)
The most important indicator for success in therapy is the rapport between therapist and client. If you don't feel connected to the therapist you're working with, you likely won't benefit. I'm confident that my style as a therapist will allow you to feel at ease. I am very much “me” in and out of therapy. My main goal is to align myself with my clients to build a therapeutic relationship worth investing in. You may be feeling fearful to take this first step, or possibly overwhelmed by the many therapist pages you're coming across; however, with each step you take, your confidence to take another will build.
The most important indicator for success in therapy is the rapport between therapist and client. If you don't feel connected to the therapist you're working with, you likely won't benefit. I'm confident that my style as a therapist will allow you to feel at ease. I am very much “me” in and out of therapy. My main goal is to align myself with my clients to build a therapeutic relationship worth investing in. You may be feeling fearful to take this first step, or possibly overwhelmed by the many therapist pages you're coming across; however, with each step you take, your confidence to take another will build.
(609) 604-8268 View (609) 604-8268

See more therapy options for New Paltz

Borderline Personality (BPD) Therapists

What is the most successful approach to treating borderline personality disorder?

Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) is considered the gold standard of treatment for borderline personality disorder. An evidence-based treatment, it addresses the extreme emotional reactivity, the relationship difficulties, and the acts of self-harm that create so much distress for BPD patients. DBT is a comprehensive program that includes both regular individual psychotherapy sessions and weekly group sessions of skills training.

What happens in treatment of borderline personality disorder?

Treatment typically consists of weekly individual therapy sessions that last an hour and group skill-focused instructional sessions that may last up to two hours. Patients are typically given homework “assignments” in which they are asked to practice in their daily life the skills they acquire in therapy. Patients also keep a diary tracking their emotions and impulses as a way to know which situations are most problematic and to help them gain control over their own behavior. Difficult situations and feelings are typically reviewed in therapy sessions and more constructive solutions found.

What kinds of problems does BPD treatment help with?

DBT was initially developed to dampen the self-destructive impulses of chronically suicidal patients. It is now the treatment of choice for borderline personality disorder, a serious condition marked by extreme emotional reactivity, relationship instability, and self-injurious behaviors. Treatment of BPD helps patients tolerate the flux of emotions without acting on them, often with a specific focus on tolerating negative emotions. DBT addresses the core problems of BPD—fear of abandonment, low self-esteem, and impulsivity.

What is the goal of treatment in borderline personality disorder?

The goal of treatment for borderline personality disorder (BPD) is to relieve the extreme emotional distress that patients experience—to curb their emotional reactivity, to minimize their inclination to self-harm, and to reduce their impulsivity. Toward these ends, patients are not only taught an array of new coping skills and techniques for emotional regulation, they are given opportunities to practice them. Another major goal of treatment is interpersonal effectiveness; patients learn and problem-solve ways to effectively communicate in relationships, especially how to ask for what they need as a way to minimize hurt feelings.