Borderline Personality (BPD) Therapists in Virginia Beach, VA

Photo of Darleen Claire Wodzenski, PhD, LPC, NCC ACS, Licensed Professional Counselor
Darleen Claire Wodzenski
Licensed Professional Counselor, PhD, LPC, NCC ACS
Verified Verified
Virginia Beach, VA 23452  (Online Only)
I love supporting clients of all ages, infants to 99, in growing, healing, overcoming, and becoming the person they choose and need to be. With an extensive background in Special Education including a focus in Autism and Gifted and Talented, I incorporate a perspective on Human Development into my clinical practice. Areas where I do a great deal of work include Attachment (RAD) for foster care and adoption; Borderline Personality Disorder BPD; DID and Dissociation; Trauma; and Anxiety and Depression. We incorporate mindfulness and compassion with DBT, NLP, EMDR and Hypnotherapy into a gentle, integrated and supportive platform.
I love supporting clients of all ages, infants to 99, in growing, healing, overcoming, and becoming the person they choose and need to be. With an extensive background in Special Education including a focus in Autism and Gifted and Talented, I incorporate a perspective on Human Development into my clinical practice. Areas where I do a great deal of work include Attachment (RAD) for foster care and adoption; Borderline Personality Disorder BPD; DID and Dissociation; Trauma; and Anxiety and Depression. We incorporate mindfulness and compassion with DBT, NLP, EMDR and Hypnotherapy into a gentle, integrated and supportive platform.
(833) 224-4956 View (833) 224-4956
Photo of Kayla Gasper, LPC, LSATP, CSAC, Licensed Professional Counselor
Kayla Gasper
Licensed Professional Counselor, LPC, LSATP, CSAC
Verified Verified
1 Endorsed
Virginia Beach, VA 23452
I work with individuals 11+ with issues with anxiety, depression, substance abuse, BPD, DMDD, and disruptive behaviors.
Sometimes, we get stuck in our lives and need assistance. These moments could be because of depression, anxiety, trauma, interpersonal conflicts, or behavioral difficulties. To help work through these moments, we may need a safe space to be open and honest with ourselves to help us gain the tools to change. I help you feel safe so we can actively work toward changing and resolving the concerns that brought you to therapy.
I work with individuals 11+ with issues with anxiety, depression, substance abuse, BPD, DMDD, and disruptive behaviors.
Sometimes, we get stuck in our lives and need assistance. These moments could be because of depression, anxiety, trauma, interpersonal conflicts, or behavioral difficulties. To help work through these moments, we may need a safe space to be open and honest with ourselves to help us gain the tools to change. I help you feel safe so we can actively work toward changing and resolving the concerns that brought you to therapy.
(757) 767-4593 View (757) 767-4593
Photo of Cheyenne Fisher, PsyD, LCP, Psychologist
Cheyenne Fisher
Psychologist, PsyD, LCP
Verified Verified
2 Endorsed
Virginia Beach, VA 23451  (Online Only)
I specialize in personality disorders, and I especially enjoy working with schizoid and borderline personality structures.
One of my favorite things to do is understand how people work. This drives my treatment approach to include deep exploration of symptoms to get to the root of maladaptive patterns. I believe long term change stems from understanding and processing how one’s past is currently influencing one’s present. This includes a focus on using self-reflection and self-examination to explore and change the psychological root of emotional distress.
I specialize in personality disorders, and I especially enjoy working with schizoid and borderline personality structures.
One of my favorite things to do is understand how people work. This drives my treatment approach to include deep exploration of symptoms to get to the root of maladaptive patterns. I believe long term change stems from understanding and processing how one’s past is currently influencing one’s present. This includes a focus on using self-reflection and self-examination to explore and change the psychological root of emotional distress.
(757) 828-5927 View (757) 828-5927
Photo of Dr. Amanda N Trent, PsyD, LCP, Psychologist
Dr. Amanda N Trent
Psychologist, PsyD, LCP
Verified Verified
1 Endorsed
Virginia Beach, VA 23463
I specialize in assessing and treating Post-traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and other trauma-based symptoms, as well as Borderline Personality traits.
I typically work with people who have experienced some type of traumatic event or events, either recently or from childhood. They are tired of being bullied by their own thoughts and emotions and not being able to experience a fulfilling life or enjoy intimate relationships. Being in Hampton Roads, I have worked with many military families who have their own unique stressors and traumas. I also love working with other mental health clinicians who may need their own support for managing mental health concerns, relational conflict, or coping with work-related burn out and compassion fatigue.
I specialize in assessing and treating Post-traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and other trauma-based symptoms, as well as Borderline Personality traits.
I typically work with people who have experienced some type of traumatic event or events, either recently or from childhood. They are tired of being bullied by their own thoughts and emotions and not being able to experience a fulfilling life or enjoy intimate relationships. Being in Hampton Roads, I have worked with many military families who have their own unique stressors and traumas. I also love working with other mental health clinicians who may need their own support for managing mental health concerns, relational conflict, or coping with work-related burn out and compassion fatigue.
(757) 210-5723 View (757) 210-5723
Photo of Rebecca Houvener, PsyD, LCP, Psychologist
Rebecca Houvener
Psychologist, PsyD, LCP
Verified Verified
1 Endorsed
Virginia Beach, VA 23451
As a testing psychologist, I specialize in diagnosing complex mental health concerns, such as personality disorders (e.g. Borderline, Dependent, Histrionic, Paranoid, Schizoid, Avoidant), eating disorders, trauma, mood, and thought disorders. The personality spectra is my niche, and I especially enjoy coming alongside clients who are wanting to learn more about how their behaviors and drives affect relationships in their life. Utilizing multiple personality classifications (e.g. DSM, psychodynamic), I assist patients in having more insight into problematic personality patterns that reinforce other clinical conditions.
As a testing psychologist, I specialize in diagnosing complex mental health concerns, such as personality disorders (e.g. Borderline, Dependent, Histrionic, Paranoid, Schizoid, Avoidant), eating disorders, trauma, mood, and thought disorders. The personality spectra is my niche, and I especially enjoy coming alongside clients who are wanting to learn more about how their behaviors and drives affect relationships in their life. Utilizing multiple personality classifications (e.g. DSM, psychodynamic), I assist patients in having more insight into problematic personality patterns that reinforce other clinical conditions.
(757) 517-0875 View (757) 517-0875
Photo of Abrian Wiggins, Licensed Professional Counselor
Abrian Wiggins
Licensed Professional Counselor
Verified Verified
Virginia Beach, VA 23464  (Online Only)
Additionally, I am a Certified Mood Disorder Professional with extensive history working with borderline personality disorder.
How do you manage rapid thoughts or intrusive thoughts? How do you handle past trauma or invalidation? How do you handle intense emotions? It's my calling to aid others in managing intense emotions, coping with trauma or invalidation, handling anxiety, and discovering their inner peace.
Additionally, I am a Certified Mood Disorder Professional with extensive history working with borderline personality disorder.
How do you manage rapid thoughts or intrusive thoughts? How do you handle past trauma or invalidation? How do you handle intense emotions? It's my calling to aid others in managing intense emotions, coping with trauma or invalidation, handling anxiety, and discovering their inner peace.
(757) 231-3978 View (757) 231-3978
Photo of Tasha Hamilton, LPC, Licensed Professional Counselor
Tasha Hamilton
Licensed Professional Counselor, LPC
Verified Verified
Virginia Beach, VA 23464  (Online Only)
Waitlist for new clients
I'm experienced with combat related PTSD, psychotic and mood disorders, BPD, and phase of life challenges.
I believe that one of the biggest keys to success in counseling is the relationship between the client and the counselor. Trust, honesty, and authenticity are essential to growth, change, and meeting your goals in therapy. As your Counselor, I will meet you where you are. I will help you to recognize unhealthy thoughts and behaviors that are holding you back, and provide you with concrete skills, concepts, and techniques that you can practice in your daily life to begin making permanent, positive, and healthy changes. Mental Health Wellness Center isn't just a name it is a goal, achieved through humor and hard work.
I'm experienced with combat related PTSD, psychotic and mood disorders, BPD, and phase of life challenges.
I believe that one of the biggest keys to success in counseling is the relationship between the client and the counselor. Trust, honesty, and authenticity are essential to growth, change, and meeting your goals in therapy. As your Counselor, I will meet you where you are. I will help you to recognize unhealthy thoughts and behaviors that are holding you back, and provide you with concrete skills, concepts, and techniques that you can practice in your daily life to begin making permanent, positive, and healthy changes. Mental Health Wellness Center isn't just a name it is a goal, achieved through humor and hard work.
(757) 720-7439 View (757) 720-7439
Photo of Alexandria Arthur - Hope Over My Experiences Llc (H.o.m.e.), LPC, MA, CCTP, Licensed Professional Counselor
Alexandria Arthur - Hope Over My Experiences Llc (H.o.m.e.)
Licensed Professional Counselor, LPC, MA, CCTP
Verified Verified
Virginia Beach, VA 23459  (Online Only)
Waitlist for new clients
Whether you are facing trauma, depression, fear, anxiety, stress, cultural issues, relationship issues, stigma of seeking help, oppression, borderline/personality, negative self talk, SI/HI/Psychosis, and/or any other mental health-related issues, I believe that by us working together, we can develop a treatment plan centered on you and your specific needs.
Hello, my name is Alexandria “Alex” Arthur. I am here to help guide you through your trauma recovery. Congratulations on taking that first step into your emotional wellness! Life is tough but so are you! You do not have to feel stuck, weighed down, unmotivated, or like you have lost your spark! Lets discover some of those new tools of success together. I provide a non-judgmental, reliable, compassionate, and committed environment. With my person-centered therapy techniques, you will be put at the center of all we do for your mental health. I adhere to all ethical principles and treat people with the dignity and respect they deserve.
Whether you are facing trauma, depression, fear, anxiety, stress, cultural issues, relationship issues, stigma of seeking help, oppression, borderline/personality, negative self talk, SI/HI/Psychosis, and/or any other mental health-related issues, I believe that by us working together, we can develop a treatment plan centered on you and your specific needs.
Hello, my name is Alexandria “Alex” Arthur. I am here to help guide you through your trauma recovery. Congratulations on taking that first step into your emotional wellness! Life is tough but so are you! You do not have to feel stuck, weighed down, unmotivated, or like you have lost your spark! Lets discover some of those new tools of success together. I provide a non-judgmental, reliable, compassionate, and committed environment. With my person-centered therapy techniques, you will be put at the center of all we do for your mental health. I adhere to all ethical principles and treat people with the dignity and respect they deserve.
(276) 329-2115 View (276) 329-2115
Photo of Angela Webb, PsyD, Psychologist
Angela Webb
Psychologist, PsyD
Verified Verified
1 Endorsed
Virginia Beach, VA 23462
Hello, I'm Dr. Angela Webb (McIntyre), the driving force and visionary behind our practice. With over 16 years of hands-on experience, I am a passionate advocate for guiding clients through the intricate paths of self-discovery and success. My commitment goes beyond the clinical realm; it extends to creating a space where clients feel heard, understood, and empowered to embark on their own journeys of healing and growth. Whether you're facing challenges in your life, seeking support for mental health concerns, or striving for personal development, I am here to provide a safe therapeutic space to discover your best self.
Hello, I'm Dr. Angela Webb (McIntyre), the driving force and visionary behind our practice. With over 16 years of hands-on experience, I am a passionate advocate for guiding clients through the intricate paths of self-discovery and success. My commitment goes beyond the clinical realm; it extends to creating a space where clients feel heard, understood, and empowered to embark on their own journeys of healing and growth. Whether you're facing challenges in your life, seeking support for mental health concerns, or striving for personal development, I am here to provide a safe therapeutic space to discover your best self.
(757) 347-5838 View (757) 347-5838
Photo of Melissa Pickett, MRC, LPCC, Counselor
Melissa Pickett
Counselor, MRC, LPCC
Verified Verified
1 Endorsed
Virginia Beach, VA 23456  (Online Only)
In this life, the most important part of our journey is our journey within. I have worked in the mental health field for 9 years and have practice working with children, adolescents and adults. Some of the disorders I have treated include obsessive compulsive disorder, anxiety, depression, severe mental illness, grief, trauma and addiction. I have also worked closely with couples and families to assist with strengthening relationships and family bonds.
In this life, the most important part of our journey is our journey within. I have worked in the mental health field for 9 years and have practice working with children, adolescents and adults. Some of the disorders I have treated include obsessive compulsive disorder, anxiety, depression, severe mental illness, grief, trauma and addiction. I have also worked closely with couples and families to assist with strengthening relationships and family bonds.
(386) 433-8215 View (386) 433-8215
Photo of Lindsey Hamilton, LCSW, Clinical Social Work/Therapist
Lindsey Hamilton
Clinical Social Work/Therapist, LCSW
Verified Verified
Virginia Beach, VA 23450  (Online Only)
Are you struggling with overwhelming emotions? Feeling like no one understands who you are as a person, and they're always trying to tell you who to be? When life feels difficult to cope with, and you're sick and tired of being sick and tired - schedule a 15 min intro call with me. My goal is to teach concrete skills you can use right away to start feeling better.
Are you struggling with overwhelming emotions? Feeling like no one understands who you are as a person, and they're always trying to tell you who to be? When life feels difficult to cope with, and you're sick and tired of being sick and tired - schedule a 15 min intro call with me. My goal is to teach concrete skills you can use right away to start feeling better.
(267) 452-2528 View (267) 452-2528
Photo of Cynthia Sherman, LCSW, Clinical Social Work/Therapist
Cynthia Sherman
Clinical Social Work/Therapist, LCSW
Verified Verified
1 Endorsed
Virginia Beach, VA 23462
My passion is to work with individuals, one on one and in groups, as well as their support systems, all with the goal of living healthier lives. I feel it's essential to success in counseling to build a consistent, strong support team around my client. I have worked within the community and with various human service organizations, which has provided me invaluable experience helping clients overcome a wide array of challenges.
My passion is to work with individuals, one on one and in groups, as well as their support systems, all with the goal of living healthier lives. I feel it's essential to success in counseling to build a consistent, strong support team around my client. I have worked within the community and with various human service organizations, which has provided me invaluable experience helping clients overcome a wide array of challenges.
(540) 215-7388 View (540) 215-7388
Photo of Dana Deivert, MAEd, NCC, Licensed Professional Counselor
Dana Deivert
Licensed Professional Counselor, MAEd, NCC
Verified Verified
Virginia Beach, VA 23450  (Online Only)
Life is full of transitions and adjustments. Often, there are many aspects of life outside of our control, which can feel incredibly difficult to manage. We cannot control all of the things that happen to us, but we can begin our journey in processing and moving through it. Trust can take time to establish. Let’s build a place of safety to allow healing to begin. My practice is to walk alongside you from a stance of non-judgement and acceptance. I specialize in working with individuals struggling with life transitions, trauma, depression, anxiety, and attachment related issues. I also have experience working with military personnel.
Life is full of transitions and adjustments. Often, there are many aspects of life outside of our control, which can feel incredibly difficult to manage. We cannot control all of the things that happen to us, but we can begin our journey in processing and moving through it. Trust can take time to establish. Let’s build a place of safety to allow healing to begin. My practice is to walk alongside you from a stance of non-judgement and acceptance. I specialize in working with individuals struggling with life transitions, trauma, depression, anxiety, and attachment related issues. I also have experience working with military personnel.
(540) 274-2626 View (540) 274-2626
Photo of Erin O'Brien - DBT Center of Media, MPhil, LPC, LBC-DBT, Licensed Professional Counselor
DBT Center of Media
Licensed Professional Counselor, MPhil, LPC, LBC-DBT
Verified Verified
3 Endorsed
Virginia Beach, VA 23450
The decision to seek treatment is not an easy one because the therapeutic process requires you to share your experiences, emotions and concerns with someone whom you've just met. I'm aware that this is often what makes people hesitant to attend therapy and I am hopeful that my personality as a therapist will help you to feel comfortable enough to participate in sessions with me. I am passionate about my profession as a Licensed Professional Counselor and I'm dedicated to helping adults and young adults find balance in their lives and happiness in their relationships.
The decision to seek treatment is not an easy one because the therapeutic process requires you to share your experiences, emotions and concerns with someone whom you've just met. I'm aware that this is often what makes people hesitant to attend therapy and I am hopeful that my personality as a therapist will help you to feel comfortable enough to participate in sessions with me. I am passionate about my profession as a Licensed Professional Counselor and I'm dedicated to helping adults and young adults find balance in their lives and happiness in their relationships.
(484) 443-0157 View (484) 443-0157
Photo of Monique Edwards, LCSW, LICSW, Clinical Social Work/Therapist
Monique Edwards
Clinical Social Work/Therapist, LCSW, LICSW
Verified Verified
1 Endorsed
Virginia Beach, VA 23462  (Online Only)
Life is a journey and our experiences help to define who we are. There are good events that we might be grateful for and then there are those experiences that causes pain. My role as a therapist includes helping individuals with navigating those difficult portions of life. I have a wide range of experience working with individuals diagnosed with depression, anxiety, ADHD, parenting issues as well as those that struggle with the trauma associated with emotional, physical and sexual abuse.
Life is a journey and our experiences help to define who we are. There are good events that we might be grateful for and then there are those experiences that causes pain. My role as a therapist includes helping individuals with navigating those difficult portions of life. I have a wide range of experience working with individuals diagnosed with depression, anxiety, ADHD, parenting issues as well as those that struggle with the trauma associated with emotional, physical and sexual abuse.
(757) 760-3046 View (757) 760-3046
Photo of Tamika Hargrow, LCSW-S, MSW, QMHP-A, Pre-Licensed Professional
Tamika Hargrow
Pre-Licensed Professional, LCSW-S, MSW, QMHP-A
Verified Verified
1 Endorsed
Virginia Beach, VA 23462  (Online Only)
Waitlist for new clients
My goal as a therapist is to help you find what makes you happy and to help you move towards healing . Whether you're looking to improve your relationship(s), career, or manage life's challenges; having someone to help you on your journey is what I'm here for. I believe each client and their background is unique and deserves a tailored approach. With counseling you will be able to heal from pain, and reclaim your life. During this time, I provide Telehealth Video Therapy, for evaluation appointments and follow up appointments. So, let's start your journey today!
My goal as a therapist is to help you find what makes you happy and to help you move towards healing . Whether you're looking to improve your relationship(s), career, or manage life's challenges; having someone to help you on your journey is what I'm here for. I believe each client and their background is unique and deserves a tailored approach. With counseling you will be able to heal from pain, and reclaim your life. During this time, I provide Telehealth Video Therapy, for evaluation appointments and follow up appointments. So, let's start your journey today!
(757) 530-5309 View (757) 530-5309
Photo of Colin Brady, LPC, Licensed Professional Counselor
Colin Brady
Licensed Professional Counselor, LPC
Verified Verified
3 Endorsed
Virginia Beach, VA 23462
Evenings and Saturdays available! Welcome. I'm Colin, a licensed professional counselor committed to offering you a safe, supportive space where your concerns, feelings, and experiences are deeply valued without judgment. Whether you're feeling overwhelmed by anxiety, weighed down by depression, or struggling with past traumas, I want you to know that your feelings are valid, and you deserve support. My approach is centered entirely on you – your unique journey, challenges, and aspirations. Rooted in the humanistic tradition of unconditional positive regard, empathy, and genuineness, I honor and respect your personal journey.
Evenings and Saturdays available! Welcome. I'm Colin, a licensed professional counselor committed to offering you a safe, supportive space where your concerns, feelings, and experiences are deeply valued without judgment. Whether you're feeling overwhelmed by anxiety, weighed down by depression, or struggling with past traumas, I want you to know that your feelings are valid, and you deserve support. My approach is centered entirely on you – your unique journey, challenges, and aspirations. Rooted in the humanistic tradition of unconditional positive regard, empathy, and genuineness, I honor and respect your personal journey.
(757) 863-3893 View (757) 863-3893
Photo of Amy Volweider, LCSW, Clinical Social Work/Therapist
Amy Volweider
Clinical Social Work/Therapist, LCSW
Verified Verified
Virginia Beach, VA 23455
Welcome! My name is Amy Volweider, LCSW, and I am on a mission to bring out the best in the people around me. My specialties include treating anxiety, depression, trauma, and stress reduction. I especially enjoy working with creatives, perfectionists, and those who struggle with self-compassion. I utilize the latest in evidence-based treatment that is uniquely tailored to each individual, including Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Solution-Focused Therapy, Motivational Interviewing, and Mindfulness techniques.
Welcome! My name is Amy Volweider, LCSW, and I am on a mission to bring out the best in the people around me. My specialties include treating anxiety, depression, trauma, and stress reduction. I especially enjoy working with creatives, perfectionists, and those who struggle with self-compassion. I utilize the latest in evidence-based treatment that is uniquely tailored to each individual, including Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Solution-Focused Therapy, Motivational Interviewing, and Mindfulness techniques.
(757) 799-1947 View (757) 799-1947
Photo of Donna G Janiec, MA, LPC, NCC, Counselor
Donna G Janiec
Counselor, MA, LPC, NCC
Verified Verified
Virginia Beach, VA 23462
Waitlist for new clients
Could you benefit from having someone help you process through the tough parts of life? Would you like to increase self-awareness and take charge of your own life? We all have the desire to derive meaning and purpose for our lives and our journey through life can have many challenges. With these attributes and guidance, we can use our thought processes to change behaviors, work through relationship issues, manage obstacles, and navigate changing life stages.
Could you benefit from having someone help you process through the tough parts of life? Would you like to increase self-awareness and take charge of your own life? We all have the desire to derive meaning and purpose for our lives and our journey through life can have many challenges. With these attributes and guidance, we can use our thought processes to change behaviors, work through relationship issues, manage obstacles, and navigate changing life stages.
(757) 210-3090 View (757) 210-3090
Photo of Bethany Gravely, LCSW, Clinical Social Work/Therapist
Bethany Gravely
Clinical Social Work/Therapist, LCSW
Verified Verified
Virginia Beach, VA 23462
I'm Bethany Gravely, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker since 2018. My dedication to this profession remains as strong today as when I first began. Taking that initial step to address your mental health is commendable, and I'm proud of you for it. Selecting the right therapist can feel daunting yet rewarding. My role is to support you in navigating life's challenges and discovering effective coping mechanisms. Remember, everyone encounters stress, and your emotions are important and deserving of discussion with someone who genuinely cares.
I'm Bethany Gravely, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker since 2018. My dedication to this profession remains as strong today as when I first began. Taking that initial step to address your mental health is commendable, and I'm proud of you for it. Selecting the right therapist can feel daunting yet rewarding. My role is to support you in navigating life's challenges and discovering effective coping mechanisms. Remember, everyone encounters stress, and your emotions are important and deserving of discussion with someone who genuinely cares.
(757) 856-5494 x1 View (757) 856-5494 x1
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Borderline Personality (BPD) Therapists

What is the most successful approach to treating borderline personality disorder?

Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) is considered the gold standard of treatment for borderline personality disorder. An evidence-based treatment, it addresses the extreme emotional reactivity, the relationship difficulties, and the acts of self-harm that create so much distress for BPD patients. DBT is a comprehensive program that includes both regular individual psychotherapy sessions and weekly group sessions of skills training.

What happens in treatment of borderline personality disorder?

Treatment typically consists of weekly individual therapy sessions that last an hour and group skill-focused instructional sessions that may last up to two hours. Patients are typically given homework “assignments” in which they are asked to practice in their daily life the skills they acquire in therapy. Patients also keep a diary tracking their emotions and impulses as a way to know which situations are most problematic and to help them gain control over their own behavior. Difficult situations and feelings are typically reviewed in therapy sessions and more constructive solutions found.

What kinds of problems does BPD treatment help with?

DBT was initially developed to dampen the self-destructive impulses of chronically suicidal patients. It is now the treatment of choice for borderline personality disorder, a serious condition marked by extreme emotional reactivity, relationship instability, and self-injurious behaviors. Treatment of BPD helps patients tolerate the flux of emotions without acting on them, often with a specific focus on tolerating negative emotions. DBT addresses the core problems of BPD—fear of abandonment, low self-esteem, and impulsivity.

What is the goal of treatment in borderline personality disorder?

The goal of treatment for borderline personality disorder (BPD) is to relieve the extreme emotional distress that patients experience—to curb their emotional reactivity, to minimize their inclination to self-harm, and to reduce their impulsivity. Toward these ends, patients are not only taught an array of new coping skills and techniques for emotional regulation, they are given opportunities to practice them. Another major goal of treatment is interpersonal effectiveness; patients learn and problem-solve ways to effectively communicate in relationships, especially how to ask for what they need as a way to minimize hurt feelings.