"How and When Should I Tell My Child They’re Autistic?"

While some people don’t discover they're autistic until well into adulthood, others receive a diagnosis in childhood. Parents may have concerns about how and when to share an autism diagnosis with their child.

A recent study¹ highlights the importance of early diagnosis. Seventy-eight autistic university students were asked how they discovered they were autistic and how they felt about their diagnosis. They were also questioned about how they felt about being autistic and how they felt about their lives more generally.

Source: R.D. Smith, Unsplash

This study revealed that people who received an earlier diagnosis were generally happier and felt more empowered. Diagnosis also allowed for the potential to connect with other autistic people.

Why Parents Hesitate to Share

Some parents are worried about seeking out a diagnosis for their children. My client Amy told me, “I didn’t know my son was autistic, but I knew from an early age that something just wasn’t right. He had horrific tantrums, like I’d never seen. I now know these were meltdowns. And he was so shy and always getting picked on.

"When I started wondering if he was autistic, I was terrified it’d single him out for even more bullying. But when I eventually plucked up the courage to discuss it with him, he was so happy! Then, when he got the diagnosis, things really turned around for the better. I wish I hadn’t left it so long.”

Another client, Gaynor, described the concerns she had about seeking out a diagnosis for her daughter. “I can genuinely say that my husband and I just buried our head in the sand as far as Sadie was concerned. She always struggled at school and she was always a bit in her own world. I guess we knew for a long time that she didn’t seem to fit in, but we thought that by ignoring it she’d grow into herself.

"I feel terrible now, though, because we were trying to make her grow into someone she wasn’t. When we got the diagnosis, it helped her accept who she was and it helped us learn how best to assist her.”

And from the child's perspective, Ella told me: "I was diagnosed at 14, after really suffering at school to the point of self-harming. I wish I'd been diagnosed as a kid, when there were some early signs, but at least I got a diagnosis eventually. When I did, I felt much more able to just be me and accept myself."

The research clearly demonstrates the advantages of seeking out a diagnosis—the earlier the better. It also suggests that sharing it with children, as well as providing positive information about autism, can help them feel more empowered and happier in adulthood.