How to Spark Romantic Interest When Time Is of the Essence

Source: Image by Pexels, Liliana Drew

The elevator door opens, and in walks the attractive, friendly colleague you barely know but would love to know better. It’s just the two of you with five more floors to go. What do you say? According to research, to make the best impression, it matters both what you say, and how you look when you say it—and authentic expression enhances anything you say.

Selfless Soundbites

In many of the impression management classes I teach, the emphasis is on practical guidance. Sparking interest during a short time frame requires one-liners that are appropriate, authentic, and alluring—especially when delivered with soft eye contact and a bright smile. A few relevant examples include:

• “How refreshing to see someone carrying a book. No charging station required.”
• “That watch really makes a statement. It is a bonus that it also shows you the time.”
• “Those dark clouds outside look ominous. What a great idea to bring an umbrella today!”

After you have a split second (which is all you need) to analyze reaction and receptivity, you can move one step closer, verbally that is: “My name is Wendy; I work on the fifth floor.”

Even if those two short exchanges take up all the time you have, the two of you have moved from strangers to acquaintances. And according to research, your brief positive exchange has also made you more attractive.

Rose-Colored Glasses Are Not Readers

Research indicates that romantic interest is more likely to be sparked by a positive impression than an accurate one, especially when meeting extroverts.[i] Lauren Gazzard Kerr et al. (2020) explain in a piece titled “Blind at First Sight” that we perceive others as more romantically appealing through rose-colored glasses than through a magnifying glass—and that positivity is easier than preparation, which might be more challenging.

Proactive Does Not Mean Overprepared

Researchers recognize first impressions as “gatekeepers” of relationship initiation, but caution that being preoccupied with what you plan to say or do can compromise the appeal of your self-presentation.[ii] M. Joy McClure et al. (2020) note that motivation-expectation mismatch can create social anxiety and “protective social disengagement” for anyone, and may be particularly challenging for someone with chronic interpersonal insecurities such as attachment anxiety, which is characterized by desperation to connect interpersonally while preoccupied by the risk of rejection. So instead of overthinking, relax and respond positively instead, because first impressions are fast.

Sizing Up in Seconds

Jennifer K. South Palomares and Andrew W. Young (2018) examined facial first impressions of perceived status, trustworthiness, and attractiveness.[iii] Their heterosexual group of participants rated opposite-sex faces of naturalistic images or youthful-looking averaged faces for 33, 100, and 500 ms. Among other findings, they discovered that all three judgments were reliable at levels that were above-chance even at 33 ms, and that extra time led to only modest improvement—in other words, plenty of time to make a good impression during even a brief interaction, such as an elevator ride.

The bottom line is that even brief periods of time afford the opportunity to make a great first impression by being approachable and attractive both verbally and nonverbally. Once you are acquainted with someone you want to know better, conversation is easier, affording more time and opportunity to make a positive impression.