How to Enjoy the Silence: Adjusting to the Empty Nest

Source: Image by Werner Heiber from Pixabay

After decades of sharing the joys and challenges of raising children, there comes a time when they are prepared to launch. The preparation itself is sobering, as sons and daughters explore potential educational or professional opportunities.

But on the fateful day of departure, whether you drive your teenager to her college dorm room or to the airport as she prepares to relocate for an exciting new job, your drive home will be bittersweet if not downright depressing. And the house is sure to be unnaturally quiet when you arrive. Yet settling into an empty nest is exactly that—acclimating to a new lifestyle, that can be as comfortable as it is novel—at first.

Silence Is Not Golden

One thing many parents notice once children are out of the house and on with their lives, is the silence. For new empty nesters, silence is not golden; it sounds deafening. Yet as time goes on, both single parents and spouses living together will discover a variety of new ways to fill the void—some of which may bring parents closer together.

The Benefits: Health and Happiness

Eunjin L. Tracy et al. (2022) studied the impact of having an empty nest on marital closeness and perceived health.[i] They examined the impact of living with their children having left the home (versus living with children still in the home) on spousal ratings of marital closeness and perceived health. Studying 3,765 mixed-sex couples, researchers found that living in an empty nest was directly linked with higher levels of marital closeness for both husbands and wives, and wives (only) reporting better health. In fact, they found that wives’ perceived health precluded a husband’s lower level of marital closeness from negatively affecting the wife’s health.

Yet there are also practical benefits to enjoy, as empty nesters finally have the space to spread their wings. Here are a few:

Identity Adjustment. As some new empty nesters come to appreciate sooner than others, parents are more than just parents. Raising children is only part of a much more complicated and comprehensive identity. Once children are off at college, parents often begin to understand and embrace their other roles in life, both personally and professionally. Suddenly, they have the time to volunteer at their favorite charity, join a local Bible study, meet old friends for lunch, or audit a class at the local university.

Personal Privilege. Many parents spend decades feeling guilty about snagging personal time when they have children in the house. Every minute of spare time is used to pack lunches, help with homework, or iron clothing to make sure awkward adolescent years are spent looking crisp and cool on campus. After young adults take flight, that free time is available for personal use. Parents adjusting to being home alone find this a luxury. Now the challenge becomes deciding how to use it—separately and together.

Just the Two of Us. One of the challenges empty nesters face is . . . each other. Suddenly, choices like dinner selection and programming preferences take on enhanced significance, especially if they conflict. Even sleep schedules become an issue that was often unrecognized within the chaos of running a large family, where dream-catching was more of a luxury than a pre-planned part of the day. When a night owl and an early bird are living in the same nest, lighthearted communication works wonders in allowing spouses to accommodate and negotiate.

The good news is that most empty nesters gradually settle into their new lives, as children return home for the holidays as well as many other occasions. A home full of adults now becomes a different type of celebration as couples learn how to soar within the exciting new chapter in life.