Cornerstone of Eating Disorder Recovery

It is natural to stifle negative emotions. Why on earth would anyone choose to experience emotions that will likely make them feel bad?” The answer is simple and twofold.

First, we feel emotions all the time whether we want to or not.
If we accept the idea that we are driven by our core needs and the quest for safe and loving relationships, then we cannot live without or try to negate our emotions. Emotions and emotional interactions are a natural and vital aspect of our existence, one that can’t be quashed by deflection or denial. Left unexperienced and unexpressed, emotions simply find other ways to make themselves known.

Eating Disorders are adaptive. They are, in good part, attempts to find a way to cope, compensate, sooth and adjust to internal and external demands and stressors.

Consider that negative emotions need an outlet. Cutting and cyclic bingeing, purging, and starving or substance abuse are outlets. These forms of emotional expression may seem radical and, indeed, the outlets any of us use for feelings that otherwise have no voice vary greatly. A person may feel anxious or depressed, get sick, or engage in behavioral responses like drinking, gambling, shopping, or overworking. A person may develop an eating disorder. These are all methods we may resort to when the free expression of emotion is prohibited, denied, avoided or inaccessible.

Why feel bad?

An important point to remember is that emotions can’t hurt the way some of the behaviors outlined above can. The choice is sometimes between feeling and giving voice to emotions with words or stuffing them and letting them bubble to the surface of their own accord. The first is typically far less painful and destructive, although feeling intense emotions can be scary and are perceived to be worse than symptoms or destructive behaviors. As difficult and powerful as negative emotions can be, they will not do damage the way eating disorders, addictions, or other similar behaviors can. In fact, allowing the feelings to come out is an essential step certainly in the recovery from an eating disorder. Purging emotions are the goal, not food. Expressing emotions are the goal, not restricting or stuffing food.

The fear of self-discovery, unearthing old wounds, and engaging with painful feelings is enough to make anyone reluctant about seeking help. Transcending this resistance makes recovery from an eating disorder in particular, possible.

Where to begin.

Developing a language of emotions is possible under most circumstances. Reestablishing connection or identifying emotions for the first time serve as the cornerstone in understanding motivations behind behavior. Identifying conscious or unconscious motivation enable sound decision making. Understanding is knowledge and knowledge is power.

Here is an exercise that I sometimes use in helping patients and family members identify, experience and communicate emotions. (Scheel. When Food is Family: A loving approach to heal eating disorders. Idyll Arbor, Inc. 2011.)

How often do you ask yourself about your feelings?

Can you identify how you feel in general?

How well are you able to identify and express negative feelings or experiences?

Do you take a “fix-it” approach in handling difficult feelings that you have? What have the effects been?

How well can you tolerate feeling sad or angry, without trying to fix your feelings or distract from them?

Is it difficult to allow yourself to be sad, angry, afraid, or lonely?

How well can you allow yourself to feel your feelings, no matter what they are?

Do you know how you feel when you experience disappointments, mistakes or failures in your life? If so, what are these feelings?

What would it be like if you allowed yourself and those you love to feel sad, angry, hurt, or disappointed without doing or saying anything to fix or minimize the feelings?

Can you accept what others have to say, especially if it is about you?

Emotions are generally the first response we have to situations, people and experiences. Conscious thoughts and unconscious processes take over to address emotions. Sometimes behavior or symptoms combat or express emotions i.e. eating disorders. Psychotherapy, particularly psychodynamic and interpersonal psychotherapy, in conjunction with a solid cognitive and behavioral treatment plan give the opportunity for emotions to be explored. Psychological awareness, relational repair and symptomatic recovery are anticipated result of such exploration.