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“I can’t stand it when things are messy!” “Everything has to be in its place.” “It really disturbs me when there’s dirt or a stain on something.” Do any of these statements ring true for you? In fact, most neat freaks are quite up front about being one. You may even wear this label as a badge of honor because you have high standards. And indeed you would be right about that. Only there is one little caveat to this about which you may not be very vocal. Your standards are not rational because you are demanding perfection in a world in which things are simply not perfect. Yet this is precisely what you are demanding: perfection in an imperfect world!
So what if you are a perfectionist of these stripes? What’s wrong with it?
The answer is that your self-proclaimed demand for perfection is creating an unnecessary strain on your existence. This is because neat freaks typically catastrophize if their neatness demand is not met or might not be met in the future. And not met it will tend to be in a world where disorder, dirt, and stains are an unavoidable part of the cosmic inventory.
It is not your preference but rather your demand for tidiness or cleanliness that is necessarily the problem. I speak often in my writings of metaphysical security, and insecurity. The former involves a philosophical acceptance of the cosmos as it is, not as it must be. To this point, the Stoic philosopher Epictetus long ago stated, “Don't demand that things happen as you wish, but wish that they happen as they do happen, and you will go on well.” This succinctly sums up the idea of metaphysical security. It is the idea that we can come to peace with the cosmos if we are prepared to embrace reality rather than demanding that it be otherwise. On the other hand, demanding that the flaws in reality be removed without a (virtual) trace will keep you in a perpetual state of anxiety.
Please do not confuse trying to be better organized with demanding perfect or near-perfect organization. So, there’s surely nothing wrong with clearing the table for a meal and doing the dishes after the meal is over. But demanding that the dishes and the dinner table be kept virtually spotless and without a nick or scratch is not to live in the real world. Instead, as Epictetus admonishes, accepting imperfection as an essential and inescapable part of everyday existence is the royal route to contentment.
So what can you do to give up this self-defeating perfectionistic demand for neatness?
As Aristotle would instruct, happiness arises by doing those things that are conducive to happiness; and by avoiding those things that are adverse to it. And if you happen to have a tendency to go to one extreme, he would tell you to practice going to the other extreme; so that you will most likely level off somewhere in the middle. So here's what Aristotle would tell you to do:
Practice embracing untidiness! Yes, embrace it by letting be, even creating, the very untidiness you most deplore. So, if you demand that the chairs of your dining room table be pushed in at all times when not in use, then pull the chairs out of their respective places and leave them be over night. If the stain on your garment or on a rug is peering boldly back at you, then turn your back on it and walk away instead of attacking it immediately with a cleansing solution. Whatever perception of untidiness you most dislike, let it stand at least as long as it takes for you to see the world as it truly is; as an incredibly diverse and interesting panoply of imperfect things that, miraculously, still manage to resonate with one another in a unified, imperfect whole.
