How to Talk to Someone With Hearing Loss

I've had so many questions and objections about the use of the word "deaf" in the headline that I've changed it. But really, we who have hearing loss need a nice succinct noun to describe ourselves. "A person with hearing loss" just doesn't cut it. You can always say "he/she/I am a person with hearing loss," but be honest, that's pretty cumbersome.

Any suggestions. In a post above I used the term "hearing lost," which one of the people I interviewed for the book used to describe himself.

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People always seem surprised when I give them some tips for how to talk to me, or to anyone with hearing loss. That is, of course, assuming they acknowledge their loss. Otherwise they may just nod and smile and not understand a word you say.

Look at them when you talk. Almost all impaired people read lips, intuitively even if they've never been taught. Don’t lean into their ear when you talk—they need to see your lips.

Speak in a normal voice and articulate as clearly as possible. There's a character in Nina Raines' play Tribes about a young couple who are grappling with hearing loss. Sylvia, who is going deaf, describes the efforts of the well-intentioned but badly informed: “People yelling in your ear however much you explain, so you literally have to grab their face and stick it in front of you.”

If the person with hearing loss doesn't get what you said, don’t simply repeat it. Rephrase it. For the person with hearing loss, it often helps to repeat back whatever it is that you have heard and let the speaker go from there.

Once you've tried unsuccessfully two or three times, don’t say, “Never mind, it doesn’t matter.” By the time you get to that third try, everything matters.

A bright light behind you makes lip reading much harder. Try to allow the hearing-impaired person to sit with their back to the light.

Most people with hearing loss have an especially difficult time in noise. That includes the noise of a loud air conditioner, a humming fish tank, a fan, anything that whirs or murmurs or rumbles. Don’t try to talk to them when the TV is on, and turn off the background music when they come to visit.

Make sure you have their full attention. A hearing-impaired person has a lot more trouble multitasking when it involves hearing. I can’t cook and hear at the same time, no matter how collegial it may seem to join me in the kitchen.

In a small group, dinner party or book group, try to have one general conversation, instead of several overlapping small ones.

After a performance or a big meeting, give the hearing-impaired person a few moments after the event is over to readjust their hearing—either mentally or manually (changing the program on a hearing aid, for instance).

My bete noir: don't whisper in the middle of a performance. It's rude to the people around you, and I can't hear you!

At a reader's suggestion I am adding, "Say the person's name when you want to get their attention, especially in a group." Most people are attuned to the sound of their own name.

Readers: If you have tips for talking to people with hearing loss, add a comment.