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Key points
- Although humor can improve learning, psychological, and physical well-being, it is an underutilized resource.
- Self-deprecating humor may help with self-acceptance and bonds of connection.
- People who use too much aggressive and self-enhancing humor risk alienating others.
When I was a newborn, I had two main concerns: circumcision and feeling guilty for crying during the procedure.
As an unborn, my primary concern was to beat 300 million sperm in the quest to fertilize an egg. This was, without a doubt, my most existential period.
As a sperm, unless you reach your destination, you vanish into a black hole.
I only wish I had been a sperm with smaller ears and a manly voice. I’m sure I got a girly voice because of all the screaming that went on in the fallopian tube while other sperm were pulling at my ears. Come to think of it, though, my girly voice and big ears are not sources of shame; they’re wounds of war!
Voice Trauma
For years I’ve suffered from people confusing me with members of the opposite sex on the phone. I have yet to come up with a proper answer when people at the other end of the line call me “Mrs.” To prevent such embarrassment, I’ve occasionally tried to project a very manly voice. Alternatively, I say, “this is ISAAC Prilleltensky calling,” to which people inevitably reply, “how can I help you, Ma’am?”
My voice has bothered me since I can remember. I’m sure I’m not the only person suffering from such a condition, though. Therefore, I came up with a solution that would solve the problem forever: vocal cords transplant. Patients would be able to choose from a menu of options:
- Luciano Pavarotti
- Placido Domingo
- Frank Sinatra
- Marlon Brando
“I’ll take Placido, please, with a little more baritone.”
Culturally Clueless
Since I’ve moved so much – I’ve lived in Argentina, Israel, Canada, Australia, and the United States – for years, I’ve felt culturally clueless and linguistically lost.
To prepare for my move from Argentina to Israel, I went to Hebrew School for eleven years, at the end of which I could say, but not necessarily spell, three things: Shalom, Bar Mitzvah, and Yom Kippur. As if I didn’t feel incompetent enough in Hebrew, my wife’s parents, who were both Hebrew teachers, subjected me to etymological colonoscopies for hours on end.
Then we moved to Canada, and I faced my share of cultural cluelessness. Nothing prepared me for what folks in North America call football, which, to an immigrant, looks like wrestling with a giant suppository. For me, there was only one kind of football, and that was soccer.
Moving to Australia was most confusing, especially because I had to unlearn what I learned in Canada. When I finally got what football was in North America, I was introduced to Aussie rules football, part bull stampede, and part Cirque de Soleil.
Can You Laugh at Yourself?
Now that you’ve laughed at my woes, I’d like to know if you can laugh at yours. Many people take themselves way too seriously, missing an opportunity to accept themselves and create bonds of affinity with others. This is a real shame because humor has many healing properties.
Research shows that it can contribute to learning, positive emotions, happiness, and health. A key mechanism in these positive outcomes is what Barbara Fredrickson called the “broaden and build effect.” Positive emotions engender creativity and problem-solving by broadening our horizons. They also build networks and relationships that foster affiliation and social support. I call this approach to learning smarter through laughter.
The truth is that all of us can use a little help to become happier and healthier. Unfortunately, the help we get is often too serious or too scary: “if you don’t do this or that, some catastrophic event of epic proportions will happen.” I believe that we can do better than scaring people, which health messages often do.
My approach, in contrast, is to become healthier and happier through laughter. I laugh mostly about myself and Miami, my adopted city, from which I learned so much. Here I learned that a city could run without a prefrontal cortex.
Can Fun Improve Wellness?
As a professor of psychology, I spent the last thirty years studying, teaching, and writing about different aspects of well-being. This was after I worked as a clinician for several years. Along the way, I consulted with individuals, families, organizations, and communities striving to improve their well-being. I rarely encountered humor as a recommended tool for happiness, so I decided to do something about it.
To put humor into practice, colleagues and I developed Fun for Wellness, a free online platform consisting of video games, funny stories, videos with professional actors, and mini-coaching sessions. In two randomized controlled trials, we were able to show that people who engage with the program enhance their psychological and physical well-being, especially through improvements in self-efficacy. In an analysis of qualitative data, we found out that users enjoyed the humor and the fun parts. To make the method of change widely available, Ora Prilleltensky and I published The Laughing Guides, a trilogy of books combining humor with science.
There is considerable evidence that humor can help improve different aspects of health and well-being. But sarcastic and aggressive humor can be detrimental to relationships for sure. This is one of four types of humor. The other three are affiliative, self-deprecating, and self-enhancing. If you want to see what type characterizes your style of humor, you can take this test.
I resonate with self-deprecating the best, and I caution against the overuse of aggressive and self-enhancing. While they may be appropriate from time to time, in excess, they may alienate people. Nobody wants to be around an aggressive or narcissistic type, regardless of how funny they are.
