4 Steps to Create Psychological Safety in Conversations

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Do you have a friend that you feel you can totally be yourself with and you won’t be judged? That is the definition of psychological safety—that you know when you speak, you won’t be rejected, dismissed, or ridiculed.

People have to feel safe with you before they trust what you say. Research shows people feel more creative as well as calm when they aren’t worried about your intentions or reactions. Even introverts are more likely to engage in conversations when they feel safe.

To generate psychological safety, you start with being curious about how people see a situation. Ask them to share their perspective and ideas. If you have an opposing view, encourage them to disagree with you while you stay open to allowing them to change your mind.

But words aren’t enough. You can’t just tell people they should trust you. You need to consciously build trust with your emotions and the quality of your presence.

You can go into a meeting with an open mind, but you need to stay mentally alert to maintain non-judgmental curiosity during the conversation. To stay open and present, follow these four steps to mentally prepare before the conversation and to stay steady throughout the meeting:

1. Take clues from your body. Notice when your stomach, shoulders, or jaw tighten up. Maybe your heart sped up and you are holding your breath. Breathe into and exhale the tension. You need to feel relaxed in your body to recall what you will do to start the conversation and manage your reactions.
2. Choose how you want to feel. Choose your emotional presence by saying to yourself, “calm and curious” or “courage and care.” Breathe the emotions into your body, and then repeat the exercise during the conversation to stay present and engaged.
3. Assess your respect. Although financial satisfaction may be the strongest predictor of life evaluation, being treated with respect has been shown to be the strongest predictor of positive feelings.¹ Honor the person in front of you who is trying to survive and thrive on this journey called life.
4. Remind yourself to listen first. People will trust you more if you ask them to share what is on their mind, listen to what is important to them in the moment, accept their perspective as true for them right now, and then summarize what you hear so they feel seen as well as heard.

Some conversations will be easier to manage than others, but if you keep practicing these four steps, your ability to put people at ease and stay connected will improve.

To stay on the improvement path, acknowledge what you did well at the end of the day. Your brain needs evidence of success to support the changes you want to make. Instead of beating yourself up for what you didn’t do, thank yourself for what you attempted to do better. You’ll soon create the habit of safely engaging others.

You have the power to put people at ease in any conversation with your calm, respectful emotions, and open, inviting presence.