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We engage with strangers online for a myriad of reasons. From asking for cash to support your personal cause or favorite political candidate to groveling for follows and retweets—let’s face it, most interactions are either surface level or self-serving.
But in the wake of the coronavirus pandemic, there seems to be an uptick in a new trend of internet acquaintance solicitations that are not quite as self-advancing. Instead of asking others to open up their wallets or “click here,” they’re seeking something else entirely, something that is so simple and costs nothing: thoughts and prayers.
Take, for example, Mia Farrow’s recent request of the Twitterverse to “please send up a prayer for my daughter Quincy” who was struggling with coronavirus. The tweet racked up more than 11,000 responses and nearly 160,000 likes (and maybe prayers?).
One might expect that someone like Mia Farrow doesn’t have a shortage of loved ones she can confide in and rely on during this difficult time for her family—which is why I found it so fascinating that she took to social media, Twitter no less, the quintessential haven for trolls and internet bullies, to seek support for something so personal and close to her heart.
A search on Twitter of the words “prayers” and “coronavirus” reveals what feels like an endless scroll of other friends and families of coronavirus victims soliciting the internet community for the same spiritual invocations. SOS, send prayers now.
Whether these prayers from strangers do help people recover from the virus is hard to say, but it hasn’t stopped anyone from making these very public requests. (For what it’s worth, Farrow later tweeted her daughter was on the mend.)
Given that being antisocial has become a growing epidemic in recent years, seeking comfort from strangers seems, well, unusually social. Right?
How Strangers Put Us at Ease
Apparently this isn’t necessarily the case, according to a German study published earlier this year. It found that in a stressful or scary situation, the company of anyone, including those you don’t know, provides some level of solace, even when they don’t actually do anything to help.
In the study, researchers measured female test subjects’ skin resistance, which changes according to anxiety levels, as the subjects listened to a variety of sounds which were either neutral (e.g., water splashing) or fear-inducing (e.g., human cries), while another random person was also present in the room. Even though this person did not interact with the test subjects at all, the results found that “fear and the resulting physiological tension can be reduced by the mere presence of another person,” according to the study’s author. Just knowing another warm body was nearby was enough to provide a sense of comfort.
In the same vein, perhaps for Mia Farrow, acknowledging the mere existence of other social media users helped assuage her grief.
On a side note, one interesting tidbit from the study: The more different a stranger seemed, the more a test subject’s anxiety was put at ease. This likely occurred because the subject “assumed that the other person, unlike themselves, was not afraid.”
While this is a fairly recent study, the research world is no stranger to the science of strangers and their impact on us. And, for the most part, many findings support the same, surprising principle—that talking—even trusting strangers—might actually be good for us.
For example, many would consider striking up a conversation with a random person during a morning commute an awkward or uncomfortable prospect. Certainly, the other person won’t actually want to talk to you… But in one train commuting experiment, every single stranger that was approached was more than happy to chat with a subject.
In addition to finding a pleasant way to kill time, researchers found these conversations with strangers generally made people happier, both extroverts and introverts alike. This might be explained by the fact that humans are innately social animals and by simply hearing a stranger’s voice, we recognize that others, too, experience a gamut of feelings, emotions and thoughts—just like us. In other words, we are able to connect with them at a human level.
Trust Is in the Eyes of the Beholder
Still, not all strangers are created equal.
One study finds that our past experiences can shape our interactions with those we don't know. Sometimes, we trust people, simply because they resemble people we already trust. And, on the flip side, those who look like people who have wronged us in the past probably won’t get very far with us now.
Yet is it ever wise to trust strangers, even if they happen to look just like our best friend? This is one of the concepts that Malcolm Gladwell grapples with in his book, Talking to Strangers: What We Should Know About the People We Don’t Know. In it, he describes how most of the time, people “default to the truth”—which is to say, that humans have more or less evolved to trust each other, perhaps to a fault.
Even so, he recognizes that trusting others, while inherently risky, is also the foundation of community and how we have always functioned as a society. We trust that the Uber driver will take us to our intended destination. We must have faith that the server has not poisoned our meal.
In general, Gladwell advises we approach strangers with “caution and humility”—and practice the golden rule. That is, “if you treat strangers with honesty and compassion, you greatly increase the odds that they will treat you the same way.”
And, if the outpouring of heartfelt and supportive responses to Mia Farrow’s earlier tweet tells us anything, it’s that this route is indeed the right way to go.
