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Relationships
Is Gossip the Key to Finding Love?
Why rumors can effectively make or break your relationship.
Posted November 27, 2017
What really is the best way to a man's heart? Is it through his stomach, as many an old-fashioned mother will tell you? Is it via physical accouterments enhanced by the wonders of makeup or silicone? Or maybe it has nothing at all to do with what he eats or sees, and everything to do with what he hears—at least, according to findings from a recent study published in Evolutionary Psychological Science.
When it comes to intrasexual competition—competition between the same sex for a mate—researchers have found that the weapon of choice for women is something that comes effortlessly to many: gossip. (This is not to say that men don't engage in gossip; it's just that the study finds that women are more likely to gossip or spread rumors as a way to bad-mouth a romantic rival.)
In the study, researchers distributed multiple surveys to 290 young adults to measure their levels of competitiveness, behavior toward the same sex in terms of mating competition, gossiping habits, and general attitudes toward gossip.
The results indicated that those who were more competitive toward the same sex were also more likely to talk behind each other's backs and to have fewer qualms about doing so. And not only did researchers find that women tend to gossip more than men, they also found women to believe gossip has a "greater social value, which may allow them to gather more information about possible competitors in the game of finding a mate."
How exactly does talking smack get you closer to the love of your life? Well, most of us would have to admit that gossip is an effective way to dig up dirt on people we don't like, which can give us ammo to sully their reputation and question their intentions. This comes in handy if you and said person are both vying for the same partner.
You don't need to look further than The Bachelor TV franchise to witness gossip as a prime example of mating manipulation. How many times have contestants whispered behind each other's backs, accusing housemates of having hidden relationships at home, harboring secret ambitions for Hollywood careers, or generally not being on the show "for the right reasons"?
Viewers expect this outbreak of cattiness in a household of singles vying for the same person; it's usually why we tune in in the first place (right?). What is unexpected, however, is when the suitor gets sucked in and swayed by the drama. Throughout the series, rumors have swirled of suitors eliminating prospects based purely on secondhand information from other contestants. And sometimes people will gang up to jointly assassinate the character of a particularly threatening rival. What this clearly demonstrates is that relationships don't form in a two-person vacuum: Groupthink plays a role in shaping, influencing, and manipulating romantic behavior, whether we realize it or not.
If you're tempted to dismiss this behavior as reality-TV ploys, think again: We see the same mating rituals replay in the most remote jungle. The Tsimané are a small, tight-knit indigenous group in Bolivia. They survive in the Amazon by hunting, fishing, foraging, and farming — in the same way their ancestors did thousands of years ago. Tsimané women, on average, get married at 16, have their first child at 19, and will have seven children throughout their lifetime. Their lives, in other words, are pretty much the polar opposite of the lives of the women on The Bachelor. Yet, when it comes to the mating game, their competition tactics are very much the same.
Like their North American counterparts, Tsimané women use gossip to manipulate the reputations and attractiveness of their peers. In a 2006 study, researchers interviewed 101 native women aged 14 to 70 and asked them to rank (or gossip about) other local women based on social and behavioral characteristics, such as age, looks, housekeeping skills, and childrearing ability. After the questionnaire, the participants were shown photographs of the women they had just critiqued, and were asked to designate who was the most attractive or beautiful. As you might expect, women who scored negatively on the questionnaire also got low scores in the beauty department, whereas women with higher marks on the questionnaire were considered better looking.
In particular, wealth, power, unkempt children, poor housekeeping skills, and lying made the most impact on who was considered attractive.
How exactly do these judgments affect one's romantic prospects?
As we already know, gossip isn't just a pastime for women. It is a vital tool for social interaction between men and women. Case in point: According to the study, Tsimané men "receive much of their information through their wives, and the women's gossip network sometimes mediates relations between men..." You can imagine how easily information gets passed on, like an unfiltered, unchecked community game of Telephone. Rumors get spread — That woman next door is a terrible cook and has such dirty children. No one could love her ugly face. And this type of gossip will be told and retold not just by women, but by men. (One recent poll suggests men actually gossip more than women.) It's easy to imagine the fate of this poor woman.
Whether we like it or not, rumors have a nasty tendency to turn into presumed facts — just consider The Crucible and The Scarlet Letter. One of the most vocal accusers of the real Salem Witch Trials (the real-life inspiration for The Crucible) was a poor, young servant woman named Elizabeth Hubbard, who successfully testified against almost 30 people, 17 of whom were arrested, and 13 hanged.
Thankfully, in today's courts of law, we no longer rely on rumors to determine whether someone is unsavory — but outside of the courtroom, all bets are off. In other words, if you're in the mood for love, watch what comes out of your mouth—and everyone else's.
