Help, We Are Losing Our Religion!

Whether we find religion beneficial or divisive, whether we blame lazy parenting, the internet, a one-sided educational system or credit the rise of science and reason for its encroaching demise, whether we call it progress or a tragedy, religion is no longer what it used to be in the United States of America. In 2017 the Pew Research Center reports that 27% of U.S. adults declare themselves as “spiritual but not religious.”¹ The Wall Street Journal wonders, “Can Religion Still Speak to Younger Americans?” as the fastest-growing population are the “Nones”—those who do not identify with any religion:

“Nones are becoming more common across the political spectrum (albeit more rapidly on the left). And mainline Protestant denominations, which tend to more liberal views of science and sexuality, are declining faster than evangelical churches, which tend to be more conservative.”²

Most strikingly, 44 percent of Americans between the ages of 18 and 29 declare that they are Nones.³ Timothy Beal, who authored the article in the Wall Street Journal and is a professor of religion at Case Western Reserve University, suggests that young people’s idea of faith may be too narrow. In hopes of widening their idea of faith, Beal encourages a sustained conversation that welcomes different points of view and that takes subjective reasons for saying “No” to religion into account. He suspects that there is “something” behind “nothing,” which gets easily lost in a survey.

Spurring on conversation about the deeper things in life is commendable and in alignment with the ideals of psychotherapy, which include introspection and inquiry. We have a need to talk and talk deeply to one another. Clearly, mistakes on all sides have been made to preclude or avoid a serious discussion between religious representatives and persons who doubt dogma.

Be it as it may, I am not as much interested in why we are less religious, which begs for a very complex answer, but in who or what speaks to us in lieu of religion. From where do we get our ethical guidelines? If we do not think about this question, we are probably gravitating unconsciously to the offerings of the advertisement industry, which is stuff! It feels already as if the money god and the youth god have gotten a hold of us. Is there anything more important to life than to go shopping and impress others with fancy tennis shoes, cellular phones, and cars?

A lot of old and contemporary thinkers believe that we can derive our ethics from science and reason. Once it is established that others’ well-being is, on the whole, best for our own well-being, we can aspire to do good and avoid the bad. We can then analyze what actions have the best results. This means for the ordinary person: Learn to think things through. Teach your children to become critical thinkers and subject them to the best thinkers of our time. Honor teachers! When the mind is sharpened, we would be able to guide our conduct properly even when this means to curtail some of our freedom.

Is this true? Do reason and science suffice to help us become good people? What is the reality from the perspective of a psychotherapist, let’s say, hmm, from mine?

While reason seems to assist a person in knowing what is “right” and “wrong,” I get to witness the power of feelings and sensations in almost all psychotherapy sessions. Feelings seem to run the show, not only in the extreme cases of anxiety, mood, or personality disorders, but in all cases. Feelings can be curbed by our thinking – thank God for cognitive interventions! – but they need other influences to appease them fully. One is understanding feelings, which creates an empathic bond and eventually a sense of security in people. Another is the art of sitting quietly and observing one’s feelings mindfully. It is of no surprise that mindfulness techniques have become a powerful tool for many successful psychotherapists.

The mind is a zoo for most people. A monkey is running amok in there, powered by an unconscious energy that seems to exist even when feelings are calm. Our sense of right and wrong is influenced not only by feelings and sensations, but by this nervous energy. Some refer to it as angst or existential anxiety. When people are anxious, they tend to forget about their otherwise perfectly thought-out morality. Studies show, that when we are a bit rushed, we might just step over a suffering person whom we would otherwise have helped (see article Can You Afford to Be Compassionate?)

Writer and practical philosopher Alain de Botton, who is actually an atheist, strongly believes in the power of thinking, but is convinced that we need a lot more than reason to assure inner calm and goodness. Instead of rejecting religion, he advises us to learn from it.⁴ He points out that religion shows us how to come together, sing together, perform calming rituals together, sit in a dark room with candlelights together, celebrate the seasons together, and help us remember everything that is important through endless repetitions. Religion helps us, for example, to remember again and again to be kind to each other. Religion also features art and astonishing architecture, which instill awe in us and help us transcend the realm of “stuff.” De Botton is not as afraid of losing our religion or a belief in God, but of throwing out the baby with the bathwater.

In the age of high anxiety and rampant materialism, I think it is of the utmost importance to wrestle with the question of what is good and what is right. This wrestling includes 1) learning how to think things through, 2) lots of dialogue, 3) healing old wounds with empathy, 4) mindfulness. Finally 5) it is of equal importance to assure that we can enjoy embodied, not virtual, communities to sit and sing together in quiet rooms, 6) create and stare at art, and 7) recite meaningful texts repetitively.

Religion Essential Reads

Your Religious Beliefs Might Not Make You Happy

The Secret of the Self, According to the Upanishads

Hopefully, in the future, we will discover a way of life that unites all these things without sacrificing one for the other. Then, maybe, we will find ourselves back to greater happiness, which does not mean to “feel good,” but to forget ourselves and feel one with the world, once more.

© 2020 Andrea F. Polard, PsyD. All Rights Reserved.