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Key points
- Behavioral interventions are recommended for trying to heal from the effects of betrayal trauma.
- Living with betrayal trauma may make a person feel like they are being held captive by their physical, emotional, and psychological symptoms.
- Experienced betrayal is a violation of basic needs, including a person's sense of stability, trust, and feelings of belonging.
Betrayal in our lives can cause emotional distress, physical symptoms, and, most critically, a loss of safety. Any experienced betrayal is a violation of our basic needs, including our sense of stability, trust, and sense of belonging.
Living with betrayal trauma may leave a person feeling like they are being held captive by their physical, emotional, and psychological symptoms.
For example, it can damage a person’s self-esteem and may cause symptoms of anxiety or depression. As a result, they may be in a state of hypervigilance in trying to alleviate their symptoms so they can feel like themselves again.
The problem, however, is that some may not be sure where to go for support, may not know what to do to heal, or may struggle in recognizing that something happened to them that caused their symptoms. Instead, they may internalize their symptoms as something being “wrong” with them, instead of something being wrong with the situation that caused their trauma.
What Is Betrayal Trauma?
Betrayal trauma is a term used when “...our sense of trust and safety are violated by people or institutions that we are dependent upon for survival” (Freyd, 2020). Traumatic betrayal has origins in child maltreatment. However, the term has generalized to include feeling a sense of loss and violation from any person or institution that person cares for or relies upon, and who has significantly violated that person’s trust or well-being. This may include friends, family, co-workers, bosses, romantic partners, governmental institutions, or educational institutions.
There are many forms of betrayal that can manifest in our relationships, including:
- Socially “smearing” the person to others (commonly seen in narcissistic personalities).
- Failing to follow through with plans, or not showing up for them.
- Not keeping promises.
- Violating boundaries or a person’s level of safety and security.
- Lying.
- Going “ghost,” or being “discarded” by a partner.
- Cheating/Infidelity (emotional or physical).
- Hypocrisy (saying one thing, while doing another).
- Physical, psychological, or emotional abuse.
- Dismissiveness or invalidation (gaslighting, ignoring the other person’s needs, minimizing).
- Selfishness or self-absorption.
- Not defending the person or protecting them.
Traditionally, psychologists and therapists have focused on the effects of post-traumatic stress as it relates to traumatic, isolated events such as natural disasters, assault, combat, or accidents, rather than interpersonal effects such as betrayal from a loved one. Researchers such as Herman (1997) have provided groundbreaking insights into the complexity of trauma, including proposing a “complex PTSD” for repeated trauma in which a person may feel unable to walk away.
Significant symptoms of betrayal trauma commonly include:
Development of an Insecure Attachment Style
Attachment is formed in infancy and in a child's earliest experiences. Attachment to a primary caregiver happens before betrayal, otherwise the likelihood of experiencing betrayal from that person would not occur. Because childhood maltreatment and betrayal are correlated with an insecure attachment style, the same insecure attachment style may generalize to higher risks for attracting narcissistic relationships in their adult lives, thus increasing the risk for further betrayal.
Minimization and Self-Blame
Many with histories of betrayal trauma develop distorted perceptions of themselves, including high levels of shame and blaming themselves for what they survived. Some may minimize or dismiss their traumatic experience, or they may convince themselves into believing they are deserving of betrayal. Patterns of minimizing the effects of the trauma and/or self-blame are correlated with increased risks for re-traumatization and depression.
Difficulty With Emotional Regulation
Emotional dysregulation is one of the most prominent symptoms of developmental and complex trauma, often due to the constant physiological hyper-arousal experienced in times of acute distress. Many turn to self-loathing because of being upset with themselves for struggling to control their heightened emotional experiences, which can negatively reinforce self-loathing and self-sabotaging behavior.
Recovery From Betrayal Trauma
Psychoeducation and behavioral interventions are recommended in helping to heal from the effects of betrayal trauma. Survivors need to be taught how to separate what happened to them from any misbeliefs they hold about themselves. Similarly, understanding the role emotions play and how to regulate them, and learning mindfulness techniques and healthy coping strategies, are critical in healing from betrayal trauma.
To find a therapist, please visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.
References
Freyd, J. J. (1996). Betrayal trauma: The logic of forgetting childhood abuse. Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press.
Gagnon, K. L., et al. (2017). Victim-perpetrator dynamics through the lens of betrayal trauma theory. Journal of Trauma & Dissociation, 18(3), 373-382.
Herman, J. L. (1997). Trauma and recovery. New York: BasicBooks.
Hocking, E.C., et al. (2016). Attachment style as a mediator between childhood maltreatment and the experience of betrayal trauma as an adult. Child Abuse & Neglect, 52, 94 -101.
Huang, Y. L., Chen, S. H., Su, Y. J., & Kung, Y. W. (2017). Attachment dimensions and post‐traumatic symptoms following interpersonal traumas versus impersonal traumas in young adults in taiwan. Stress and Health, 33(3), 233-243.
