What Is Emotional Dysregulation, Anyway?

Source: tlakota/unsplash

When we talk about the aftermath of trauma and the possible effects that can result from abuse, we may gravitate to symptoms and patterns such as depression, anxiety, toxic adult relationships, or narcissistic adaptations. We may be less aware of how our emotions are influenced by having experienced trauma or the effects of emotional dysregulation on our relationships, including the relationship we have with ourselves.

Emotional dysregulation is the inability to manage the intensity or duration of emotional responses, specifically vulnerable emotions that may include anger, jealousy, fear, or even love. Many who struggle with emotional dysregulation have histories of emotional invalidation in childhood, which may or may not include other forms of abuse. Existing research correlates higher incidences of emotional neglect, physical abuse, and emotional dysregulation as predictors of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (cPTSD).

While there is no one single cause of emotional dysregulation, psychological trauma is often a key factor. Other factors include the environment in which a child is raised. If caregivers are emotionally dysregulated they may not be able to teach their children how to manage and regulate emotions because they struggle in regulating their own.

Emotional dysregulation can show up differently from one person to another. Some may become extremely angry, lash out, or become verbally abusive. Some may shut down, “freeze,” and go silent. Others may engage in impulsive or compulsive behaviors such as binge eating, self-starvation, or compulsive exercise routines to numb themselves emotionally and as a way of momentarily escaping vulnerable feelings. Many times, when a person experiences emotional dysregulation, they struggle in labeling and identifying their emotions and may feel confused or feel deep shame.

One of the biggest ways emotional dysregulation can hurt a person is the impact it can have on their intimate relationships. If a person cannot control their anger, or is out of touch with their own feelings (i.e., avoidance, escapism, or "numbing" behaviors), they can say or do things that push others away, which can affect the stability of their relationships.

Symptoms of emotional dysregulation may include:

• Difficulty with interpersonal relationships
• Increased perfectionism (overcompensating for feelings of inadequacy or vulnerability)
• Impulsive or compulsive behaviors
• Poor conflict resolution skills
• Sexual promiscuity or high-risk sexual behavior
• Increased risks for drug or alcohol abuse and addiction
• Self-sabotaging behavior
• Increased risk for other compulsive behaviors such as video gaming, shopping, sex/porn, exercise, or eating disorders
• “Toxic positivity” used to avoid more vulnerable emotions such as anger or sadness

Treatment Options

Treatments options for helping increase a person’s ability to recognize, label, and manage their emotions include working with a therapist who specializes in combining strategies such as mindfulness, meditation, building skills that support mind/body/emotion connection such as somatic experiencing, helping improve communication skills, supporting healthy boundaries such as promoting personal space when one is emotionally escalated, and creating behavioral goals that help with tracking distress tolerance.

To find a therapist near you, visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.