Why Being a "Member" Can Be Detrimental

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Membership in clubs, allegiance to a team, inclusion in a workplace or former school—all of these things can give meaning. What is better than rooting for your favorite team, or player, and joining the throngs to yell for more and celebrate when your team wins or commiserate when your favorite group loses? It’s a common experience that often binds us and gives a sense of meaning to belong to something and be part of something bigger than yourself. We connect with people who are like us—mothers enjoy speaking with other mothers, people in the same ethnic group share backgrounds and cultural norms, and different generations have shared humor or social experiences. The need to be part of something extends past being an individual and experiencing a sense of aloneness.

When being a part of something means you are no longer willing to question, or be curious and learn on your own, that’s when you want to rethink whether “membership” is worthwhile. This plays out when a fraternity or sorority asks a new joiner to do something dangerous to them, but members stand back and simply hope for the best instead of intervening and saying “this is wrong.” Or when police officers, doctors, or lawyers know that another professional in their group is doing something wrong but they don’t want to be ostracized, so they won’t break a code to say something. Or when your religious affiliation or political group stands for something that is harmful or deceitful.

In many countries where oppression is still rampant, propaganda keeps people from knowing the truth and being able to think on their own or question their leaders about what they are doing. Leaders are everything and all-knowing, and the average person cannot stand up and push back without significant consequences—including, sometimes, jail or even death.

In free countries, people choose their propaganda. They can also choose not to investigate and learn. They willingly take the input of the group they are aligned with, without questioning or getting additional information. In fact, education and knowledge can be dissuaded because leaders of any sort of group may want to keep people in the dark so they don’t learn, grow, and know.

While membership and belonging are important, remember to keep your connection to the overall; celebrate your group, but keep open to what you are being told to think, do, and feel. It is good practice to explore and step outside of your group from time to time to see what other information is available. If you love being in a certain group, or celebrating the “wins” of a certain team, consider the following:

1. Everyone is connected to everyone else somehow and somewhere. If you have ever done any genealogical research, you will find that your history, like everyone else’s, connects you to millions and millions of other people. With the six degrees of separation in mind, realize that you are likely somehow physically and biologically connected to someone you claim to dislike or even hate in another group. Connectedness is everywhere, so while you can disagree with others, or even not appreciate their point of view, hating is useless. Connectedness supersedes separation.
2. Learn. Learn. Learn. As a college professor, I know it is not as important to learn for regurgitation purposes, as it is important to learn so you can be someone who sees the world as an ongoing schoolhouse and who wants to be curious and keep an open mind. When you are told something, figure out the source of the information. Is there anyone who can gain from this? For example, advertisements to drink milk are often funded by the dairy industry. They have an incentive to keep you drinking cow’s milk even if you are lactose intolerant. This is just one example, and there are thousands you will encounter every day. Get the data behind the data. If you are affiliated with one source of media (i.e., CNN, MSNBC, or FOX News), deliberately watch another to see the differences in reporting and then on your own explore the sources and the background. In the age of the internet, it’s possible for anyone to learn about someone or something simply by Googling around to find resources.
3. If you know someone who disagrees with you and you are always trying to change their point of view (“Root for my team, not yours!”), try being supportive of their team and trying to understand why they root as they do. Learn about your friend or colleague’s background and experiences. Use the differences in your view to ask questions and inquire about how they have come to be affiliated as they have.
4. Always ask “why.” Why does this person believe this way? Why are they sharing this information right now? Where did they get their information? How does this impact me? What don’t I know about the situation? Stay curious and keep asking.

There are many ways membership can make you feel whole and connected and wanted. There are also many ways in which membership can destroy your ability to be an individual who thinks on their own and learns and explores. Try and see if you can walk that line to have both, and never give up your ability to learn, grow, and understand. It’s your right, so use it.