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Ever feel like you are just running in place? One day bleeds into another, and every day starts to lose the luster of being alive? You might be stuck, depressed, anxious or unable to do the things you want to do, but you can’t seem to do anything about it. The status quo often seems more appealing than expending the energy required to move to a different state – and heck, you might not like the new state any better. What you know is safer than what you might encounter next.
Stasis is fine for some people. But if you want to shift something in your life – you’ve talked about doing something differently for some time, you are done with years and years of talking therapy with no action associated with it and you are ready to actually make something happen – you can do that.
It starts with defining what you want. In NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) there are two ways in which people move – Towards and Away From. Humans are always moving in one direction or the other – you move towards that which you want, and away from that which you don’t. It can be subtle – choices in food you eat, where you walk or don’t walk, who you interact with and so on. When feeling stuck, most people go into an “away from” mode – they avoid things or focus their attention on what they don’t want. Shift this and identify what you do want – paint a clear picture in any way you know how to clarify your desire for what you would like to have, or be. Start small, set a goal that is achievable and meaningful, and then take just one step each day toward that goal.
Separate the obstacles you can control from those you can’t. People can become fixated on the things that are wrong, and it’s especially debilitating when the things you don’t want are out of your control. You want your spouse, your child, your parent, your boss to be different – but you don’t control them. You control your reactions to them and how you treat them. You control how much you are willing to be a victim or a martyr. Examine everything in your life and isolate those things you can control, or possibly influence. Write these down so that each day when you have to make decisions, you bring those things you can control into focus.
Do the one thing you think you can’t do. Afraid to make the phone call about that job you want? Scared if you go to the gym someone will make fun of you for being out of shape? Uncomfortable around people, so you don’t go to that event you are interested in? The more you stay afraid of taking that one step, the bigger and more ominous the step will seem to be. Pick something, and commit to it. Refrain from overthinking or planning – just take the step. Focus on how proud of yourself you will be after the fact. It’s gratifying to overcome a fear, and once you take that first step, go ahead and take the next one.
Change your routine. Walk or drive or commute a different way to work or the coffee shop or your friend’s home. Get out of bed on the opposite side. Sit in a different chair at your dinner table. Eat something you don’t normally have for dinner. It’s easy to become hypnotized by the ordinariness of your day – doing the same thing over and over again until you don’t even realize you are doing it. Wake yourself up by making a change, however subtle. It brings awareness to your senses.
Help someone. People become so involved in their own lives and their own sadness that it can be hard to remember there are others who need more help than you might. Find somewhere you could offer your time and talents. It can be over the phone or using a computer to help an organization, if you aren’t physically able to get somewhere. If you are able to be around people, or animals, in need it can often be a healing process in itself. You realize how fortunate you really are in light of the trouble of others.
Find ways to be grateful. Some people pray. Others prepare “Gratitude Lists”. Others have a “Thanks for” box where they write something from each day on a slip of paper about what they learned or gained that day. It’s hard to remember when you are down and out, but every single breath is a gift. Focus your attention on what you are thankful for, not what you don’t have. Be diligent about this – if you do it each day, you’ll find your attitude shifting.
