Verified by 
Traffic doesn’t cooperate, so you are late for an important interview. Your daughter calls to say the dog has attacked the cat, and she is on the way to the emergency room with the suffering feline. Your checking account goes negative at the very time you need to make a large payment for the transmission that just gave out on your car. The new landlord increases the rent by 50% and demands that you pay, or move out within 30 days. Your elderly mother hates her new assisted living accommodations and has walked out for the third time – so they threaten to expel her if she does it once more. Your brother calls and needs bail money, but doesn’t know when he can pay you back.
Sounds like a television drama, doesn’t it? Those are all real-world experiences shared by people dealing with more stress than they believe they can manage. In most cases, they the last-straw situations where other stressful events have occurred, and this is just the pile on top of the mess.
There are a number of responses – heart racing, pulse beating faster, pounding headache, screaming or crying, looking up at the sky and asking “Why me? What the heck did I do wrong to deserve this?” In most cases, the natural instinct of flight kicks in, and either one wants to flee to the bed and jump under the covers and hide, or run away – far away – as quickly as possible. Unfortunately, neither of these proves to be a good long-term option and you have to confront the issue at some point. Even when you run and hide, the issue just awaits your return!
Learning how to cope in the midst of stressful conditions is the only way to get better at managing them. You can’t control what’s out there, and even when you do get things to a calm and normal state, you can bet at some point there will be disruption. Being able to manage your physical and emotional responses is key to your health and happiness over the long term.
Once a situation is upon you, there are a number of practical steps you can take. The important thing is to practice. Practice every time you are in a stressful situation that isn’t life-threatening or overwhelming. Practice with every negative piece of news that comes your way. Practice each time you are stuck in traffic even if you aren’t in a rush. Practice when someone is talking to you about something, and you just disagree with their view and can feel your blood pressure rising. Practice when it isn’t urgent, so that when it is, you are ready and prepared.
Each day, try the following exercises so when the crisis hits or the stress builds up to where you think you can’t take it, you’ll be ready:
- Throughout the day, stop several times and focus on your breathing. It can be helpful to have triggers (yes, triggers can be good things, too!) – so, for example, every time you stand up from a sitting position, take a few seconds to experience your breath. You can do it when you sit down to type at your computer, or finish making a phone call, or leave one room to walk into another. Have set times that will trigger your practice. Stop what you are doing and focus on your breath – in through your nose, out through your mouth. Calmly and evenly. The mind can’t focus on two things at once, so this exercise is very helpful to practice being still.
- Create a mantra you can use over and over again. Negative self-talk always kicks in when you are under stress. You start to imagine all of the terrible things that can happen, that you aren’t equipped to deal with things, and so on. Your mantra could be “I am strong and can deal with anything that comes my way.” Or “I get stronger every day and am a capable, competent person.” Or “I make good choices even when I am under stress.” You will want to create this mantra when you are not in a stressful situation, and practice using it as much as you can, so when you need to employ it, you are ready and can ease into the saying.
- Be ready for anything. Being prepared can alleviate stress, too. Practical things like keeping flashlights where you can reach them easily, having a medical kit that is filled and easy to access in your car and home, keeping emergency numbers loaded in your cell phone with speed dial codes, having an agreement with a friend or neighbor nearby that you can call upon when you need it, and keeping basic supplies at hand. You don’t have to go overboard and assume tragedy will befall you; you just have to take basic steps to know you have easy access if an emergency should strike.
- Stay fit. As much as you are able, get physical activity every day. You don’t have to run marathons or finish an Iron Man or Woman competition, but you should be able to do basic things without getting winded. Keeping your physical body alert and in basic shape helps to keep your mind alert, too. If you have medical concerns always consult a doctor first, but if you are in reasonable health, try and push yourself just a bit more each day. Being strong helps with overall confidence in dealing with crises.
Will any of these activities prevent the next stressor in your life? Even a big one? No, of course not. Life is still going to push negative experiences on you – they happen to everyone. The key is to be mentally and physically strong enough to deal with them in a proactive and confident manner, instead of devolving to a panic state that both renders you less effective, and impacts your health!
Start now to prepare yourself – practice when you don’t need it, so you can call upon these things when you do.
