The Busy Lie

The book The Busy Lie was written after I spent nearly three decades witnessing men, women, and in some instances children from varied backgrounds become emotionally and physically exhausted after too many bouts with busyness on the hamster wheel of life.

There is an ongoing tug-of-war between our packed schedules and the amount of time we have to spend in a day. The words of Dr. Suess ring true: All of life is a great balancing act.

According to a survey conducted by Onepoll,on behalf of H&R Block reveals that 59% of Americans find it extremely difficult to balance their work and personal lives. In fact, the average survey participant claimed to be so busy that they only get 26 minutes of free time each week.

We are busy people—and if you're not busy there best be a suitable explanation for it. There are repercussions for not glorifying busyness. According to research by Fast Company, half of employees get nervous when asking to take time off work; this increases 61% for millennials. People who are not busy raise concerns and eyebrows.

Busy has become a popular lifestyle and club to belong to. Busy has many cousins, such as power, importance, being sought after, and prestige. Busy is so thoroughly embedded into our culture today that we can feel busy even when we are at rest.

We feel the pressure to get busy, enjoy our vacations, and make the most of the moment. Deep rest does not come due to the mandatory checklist we are navigating.

We feel the weight of the financial strain we face. Mastering the means and methods to capture more money for our bank accounts is a constant stressor.

We feel the pangs of isolation, so we busy ourselves with ‘liking and thumbs-upping’ each other throughout the day. We walk away with deeper cravings to connect because what we’re really missing is one other.

We are awash in busy.

What is the busy lie?

The busy lie is NOT that most of us aren't busy.

To be clear, we've got a lot of things going on:

• With our kids.
• With our work.
• With our partners.
• With our finances.
• With our moods.

The busy lie we tell ourselves is that we are too busy to stop, calm down, and experience a meaning of life that makes the round trip here worthwhile.

The stress we carry today is like baking soda added to the batter of our busy lives, causing the tension within us to rise. If we can’t calm down it becomes difficult to ground ourselves, walk in balance, and make good decisions.

In my book, The Busy Lie, I highlight several ways you can catch your breath, rethink busy, and create more space for calm connection in your life–connection with your mind, body, thoughts, pets, passions, and the people you care for.

Below find seven ways to tame the busyness and stress in your life.

1. Empty out daily and travel light. A great deal of the pressure and stress we experience daily comes from cluttered thinking. When our mind is filled with racing thoughts we feel busier than we really are. Thoughts about communication, work, relationships, and the like can get on top of us. I recommend the daily practice of emptying out. Find a quiet place for this work. Turn on an electric candle, think about what has happened during the day (both positive and negative events), and allow yourself to verbalize your thoughts and emotions out loud. You’ll feel lighter each time you empty and release stressful thoughts.
2. Queue up your environment for more well-being. You are far more likely to do things that support your mental health and well-being if you create reminders (queues) in the environment. My Grandpa Hood was fit as a fiddle and lived a beautiful long life. His kitchen table was filled with fruits and vegetables. It was all he ate because it was all he saw. There were three fishing poles visible on the front porch. The plants he loved were on display throughout the house. The environment he created supported balanced living. Get creative: How can you queue up the environment of your life?
3. Know that people are deeply affected by the ‘STATE’ they live in and don’t personalize other people’s pain. The stress of dealing with difficult personalities and relationship issues can take up a lot of time. A great many people are busy trying to sort out relationship challenges. I credit the work of Emanuel Swedenborg, a Swedish Christian theologian, scientist, philosopher, and mystic, with helping me to understand more about how states of mind and being guide our interactions with one another. He encouraged his readers to be mindful about the states that human beings can shift in and out of rapidly. You can choose to take this personally and react, or you can compassionately lean in to the knowledge that just as a person may live in the state of California or Illinois, we also reside in a mental state that may resemble heaven or hell. It’s best to bless all concerned and move on when you encounter people struggling in degraded states. The Swedenborg Foundation is a wonderful place to learn more strategies that help you take things less personally.
4. Use your calendar brilliantly. I created and began to work with Care and Connection Calendars years ago. You can create such a calendar by downloading month-to-month calendar sheets online, printing them, and posting them somewhere in your home or office where you can see them daily. Any activity—taking yourself away for the weekend, date nights, a video chat with an old friend—that promotes care and connection in your life should be noted on your calendar. It’s best to plan five to seven months out. Each time you look at your calendar, stress is reduced, as you realize you have plans around the corner that will renew and refresh you. This is also a great method to ensure that you stay connected with the people in your life that you care about. By all means pencil in time for connection.
5. Cultivate a gratitude practice. Gratitude shifts our focus away from lack and immediately places us into the high vibration state of abundance. It is a quick and potent way to raise yourself out of a funk when you need to. You don’t need any special tools to enter a state of gratitude. Walking through your home and noticing the blessing of the roof over your head and food in the refrigerator is a wonderful start. Beyond reflecting on gratitude, keeping a daily gratitude journal will support high-vibes living as well.

Taking control of our busy lives begins with a deep breath and a decision to organize everyday life around staying connected to what matters.

Excerpted from the book, The Busy Lie, by Sheila Robinson-Kiss, MSW, LCSW