Traditions, Old and New

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We are at that time of year again. The media and social media are awash in holiday-themed stories, music, anecdotes, and ideas for gift-giving. There are also the reminders that for some people, the holidays are not a time of joy and thanksgiving. The music we hear in stores, on our apps, or even the radio, are full of old and new holiday songs. One that always makes an appearance is “White Christmas,” written by Irving Berlin, and most often heard as the recording by Bing Crosby. Irving Berlin was a Russian immigrant, and Jewish. He lost his 3-week-old son on Christmas day in 1928. The song was first heard on December 25, 1941. The BBC banned it because they were worried that it would hurt morale during World War II. Why? Think of the last line of the song: “I’ll be home for Christmas, if only in my dreams.”

I have been thinking about this in the context of our modern lives, where people move around and relocate so frequently, that many are not anywhere near their families. It often starts with going away to college, then finding a first job, progressing through a series of relocations for one’s career. I have lived in several different states since going to college and have never again lived near where I grew up and where much of my family remained.

I noticed that, very often, when I relocated to a new place, the people with whom I connected were also transplants. Human beings flourish in the context of healthy relationships, so when a person or family relocates, connecting and forming new relationships is important. It helps one to settle in the new place and make it home. This creates an interesting problem: Traditionally, we want to be with our families for the holidays. But we also have a new “family of choice” that we have created in our new location. How do we celebrate family during the holidays in this new, modern reality? Old traditions and new traditions have helped me resolve this conundrum.

For many years, I would head home like so many others, and share my family’s holiday traditions. There were some traditions shared broadly, like Christmas trees. Others were typical of my Italian American background, like many of the foods on Christmas Eve, or playing Lotto, an Italian form of Bingo, with all the kids. Then, there were the traditions of our family, like staying up all night play cards. I also, however, found ways to create new traditions with the new “family of choice” in my new location.

I worked closely with a group of colleagues, and we decided that we would each bring back a traditional holiday food from home and share a unique celebration together. From Maine came lobster, from California came tamales, and from New York came Italian pastries. It was a unique tradition that helped join the old and the new.

I relocated to a new place, new job, new group of friends who became family to me. Again, we were faced with the challenge of going home to celebrate with family and wanting to celebrate with this new family. In this case, we decided to celebrate Epiphany together. Traditionally on January 6th, everyone would be back from their travels. We would share a meal, exchange gifts, and celebrate together.

If you share this lifestyle where you have moved away from family and face the challenge of wanting to celebrate with both your family and your new family, consider establishing some new traditions. These can be ones that echo your family of origin, like bringing back traditional holiday foods, or ones that you create new and unique to your new family.

Traditions can be extremely valuable. They provide structure to our lives, express our unique family and cultural histories. Traditions have symbolic meanings and often serve to remind us of our connection to past and future. They contribute to our family identity and give a sense of history. They can enrich our lives. When they are broken, as in our modern, mobile world, they can cause us to grieve. However, if we are intentional, we can preserve the old traditions that root us in our histories, and create new ones that give new meaning to our lives.