How Parents Can Manage Holiday Stress

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The holidays are an exciting and happy time for many people. However, it is important to acknowledge that the holidays can also be very stressful for a lot of parents and families. The increased financial costs, the tediousness and lack of routine inherent in traveling (especially with young children), and visiting family when relationships might be fraught can all take a toll on parents. In addition, the holidays can also be a challenging time for those who have experienced loss.

How can parents be proactive in ensuring a holiday season that is manageable and filled with more pleasure than pain? How can they set themselves up to be resilient throughout this hectic season?

A framework called the "Three Ps," created by Cohen, Mannarino, and Deblinger, can provide a good roadmap for parents.

Predict

Most people know the things most likely to cause their family the most stress. Is it a relationship with a particular relative that always causes tension? The disruption to your child's bedtime that creates the meltdowns? The hosting duties that completely overwhelm you? Or is it the first holiday you will be experiencing without a loved one? Predict the factors connected to the holiday celebrations that are likely to cause disruption.

Plan

Make a plan for your family to mitigate some of the factors that are most likely to cause you stress. Here are few examples:

• Stay with a different relative than in prior years.
• Consider creating boundaries around hosting (e.g., everybody makes something for the meal) or leave the party earlier than expected to accommodate your family.
• Travel a day earlier to get the kids on a better schedule.
• Limit gift-giving costs and notify friends and family members in advance.

Plan for additional support when you need it, whether it is extra childcare, a reduced workload, or simply carving out time to spend with that friend who provides the most effective listening ear.

Permission

Give yourself permission for your feelings. Permit yourself to do what you must to have a manageable and meaningful holiday season. You don't need to apologize for setting healthy boundaries for you and your family. Refrain from spending more than you can afford or doing more than you are physically capable of providing. Instead, allow yourself to sit this one out, excuse yourself for a good cry, and send your partner to a celebration alone if needed.

Take away all the "shoulds" associated with the holidays. It's normal to have a hard time even when it feels like you should celebrate with others or you should feel happy when you're really sad. Sometimes it is not only meeting outside expectations that creates pressure but meeting our own. So, be kind to yourself and try to free yourself from the weight of those internal and often unrealistic expectations.

By predicting, planning, and permitting yourself a holiday celebration that considers you and your family's needs, you can have a more resilient and prosperous holiday season.

Happy holidays!