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The most common questions and sources of frustration presented to me by parents of patients with whom I work is, “How do I increase my children’s confidence? Build self-esteem? Make them feel better about themselves?” Yes, there are the standard suggestions “Model confidence, support your child, encourage your child’s success, focus on the meaningful and positive, and so on and so forth,” but the most effective way is to focus on the actions of the child. Finding opportunities for your child to use his or her gifts and talents for the good of others or for goal achievement, with the focus on the process and not the outcome, will increase an internal sense of worth in a far more powerful way than a parent can often provide. At no time is this more evident than during the Olympics.
Witnessing the discipline, focus, sacrifice and drive of athletes inspires those of all ages. Of particular interest to me are the adolescent female athletes who break the barriers of age and defy gender expectations to “wow” us while we sit on our couches. These are the young women who provide an incredible example to those many adolescent females I see who erroneously search for self-worth in the eyes of male admirers, amongst their mean girl peers, in the number on the scale, and through the logos on their handbags.
The most recent adolescent female Olympic champion to receive media attention is Gabby Douglas. Not only is Douglas is the first American gymnast to win gold in individual all-around and team competitions in the same Olympics, but she is the first African-American gymnast in Olympic history to become the individual all-around champion. Yet somehow amidst the excitement of her achievements is the rumble of conversation surrounding her hair. Sadly, achieving Olympic greatness is not enough. Blogs, the Twittersphere, radio shows, and television programs have examined the topic from every angle, including the underlying sociological implications of African-American female hair to the inappropriate pressures that adolescent females face. Frankly, the intent or motivations behind these comments fail to minimize their negative impact on Gabby as well as the young girls bearing witness to these conversations, those girls who likely struggle with their own confusion surrounding their appearance.
If anything positive can come from this absurdity, let it be the examination of our priorities and values that we teach our girls. Let it be the increased sensitivity and consideration of the power our words have on adolescent girls. And let it be the recognition of the right for Gabby Douglas, Olympian and gold medalist, to wear her hair any damn way she pleases.
