In Troubled Times Hold the Vibe of the Possible

Times continue to be intense, do they not? In the barrage of discouraging news on problems not about to go away, and the wall-to-wall polarization they highlight, what are we as leaders, family members, and humans to do? First, we need to hold on, strap in, and show up. Then we can and must do more. Tough times, troubled times, cynical and attacking-each-other times, demand that we stay on the high road.

We should do this even as public displays of disdain and contempt for those on the other side of this cold civil war we indulge in are modeled and encouraged. This vibe will break us if we let it go on indefinitely.

Hold the Upper Vibe

It is so tempting to slide on down to the low road in tough times and find those ample and easy targets for heaping blame onto, even if only in our heads and never spoken. The lesser angels of our nature are always there to help us slip and slide onto this road. While these thoughts may provide temporary feel-good emotions, it does not help us in the long run, and there is a more useful road to take.

Let me give a few day-to-day examples of the higher road. We develop the muscle for holding the Upper Vibe in small ways so it is there for the bigger occurrences:

• You have been criticized by your significant other for something about which they have only partial information. You avoid defensive verbal artillery, even though you could claim the critique is anything but fair. You wait for a good time to re-visit the discussion in a calm open-hearted, non-defensive way.

Or to go to our favorite lower vibe past time, culture and political war:

• Your cousin, the one you have loved all your life for her likeability and humor, keeps posting totally unhumorous and extreme points of view on Facebook. You decide not to de-friend her or post opposite view slams, and you wait for the possibility for a real conversation like in the old days.

If it sounds like I am promoting calmness and equanimity at all times... I am. I fall short on this count, of course, and cut myself some slack, as we all must. But I still recommend for myself and all of us that we go after the ideal. All times, no matter what, is the goal. If this sounds pseudo-saintly, it is. Why not give this state of being a shot? It is a gift of quiet strength for all situations to hold the Upper Vibe.

John P. Schuster, used by permission

Source: John Schuster

And yes, hold the Upper Vibe even if you have felt attacked or scorned for your views. David Brooks recently wrote in his Oct. 15, 2021 New York Times column: “I like to think that scorn has paradoxically been a propulsive force in American life because people find sources of power in places scorn cannot reach.” That’s what this post is about—find those calm and powerful sources especially when under attack. Irish poet and writer John O’Donahue names the place to look… “in out-of-the-way places of the heart, where your thoughts never think to wander.” Go to those places to find and foster the Upper Vibe.

The Upper Vibe is an attitude of audacious hope and human unity, of positivity in the face of the facts, of insisting that we can get through the tough times to better times.

Similarly, our Upper Vibe brings everyone, including those with whom we disagree, along with us. We remember that we all are in this together, appearances to the contrary. Our opposition won’t change their minds with one or even many Upper Vibe instances you manage, but that is not the point. The important thing is that you have not distanced yourself from them in your heart, objectified or labeled them, or felt superior, even if secretly. Your openness and non-reactivity are more likely to have the impact you most want—the change in tone in your conversations. You don’t work to change the content of their thinking, but the Upper Vibe most often has an impact on the context, the way the communication happens, with much less rancor, and more listening and real sharing.

We can still, and, in some settings, we must disagree with those we think are doing damage by being wrong, but we can do it without going to the level of the damage itself. We must be the solution we want in the world, Gandhi reminded us.

Holding the Upper Vibe is possible and is an act of noteworthy defiance and creativity when attack mode is so dominant. Things will fall apart around us—some good and some bad—but as we keep our center and hold the Upper Vibe, we do our best to protect and build the good and the true.

That is what we can do and all we must do now and for future generations.