To Mask or Not to Mask: Is That the Question?

WHO model of Coronavirus

Source: WHO

Masks are all the rage — literally. People get shot asking you to wear them. Some people smile and wave.

So what are the pros and cons of wearing pandemic masks? Here are a few of the innumerable reasons to wear and not to wear:

Pros

• I might live longer.
• The other guy might live longer.
• Folks honk their horns at me. Usually, they don’t notice me at all.
• People don’t comment on my two-tone hair.
• East Asians wear them a lot and they die a lot less than we do.
• It goes well with my last Botox.
• The Surgeon General says I should.
• They wear them in the West Wing of the White House (with exceptions).
• People don’t hear me when I curse them out, especially those drivers who are trying to run me over.
• Old guys don’t hit on me as much.
• People think I’m conscientious — what do they know?
• Waiters wear them and they look okay.
• I no longer burn my lower nose at the beach.
• Angela Merkel looks better in one; she doesn’t frown as much.
• I feel better wearing one during anti-lockdown demonstrations.
• Folks don’t notice I haven’t shaved for a week.
• There are thousands of ways to wear them.
• They’re great fashion statements.
• They come in lots of colors.
• I can make my own, and I haven’t crocheted in years.
• My friends are wearing them on Facebook.
• Instagram influencers like them.
• People think they know my politics.
• My ex-boyfriend (girlfriend) can’t recognize me.
• People don’t notice my haircut makes me look like an extra from Lord of the Rings.
• Big husky men come near me and they never do that at my age.
• Hides bad dental work really well, especially English actors'.
• People think I’m a bank robber.
• People stare at me.

Cons

• People stare at me.
• People think I’m a bank robber.
• Angry young people tell me they’re not going to wear those awful things because it impinges on their freedom, and I’m only wearing it because my son-in-law, the dentist, insists.
• Now I know what my breath really smells like.
• People think they know my politics; I don’t know my politics.
• Folks with AR-15s get really close.
• Folks without AR-15s stay really far away.
• I sweat too much.
• It keeps falling off my nose and then I touch my face and that can’t be good.
• I can’t breathe. Then I cough more and get really bad looks.
• It’s ruining my make-up.
• I don’t like the colors, and why are they commercializing this, anyway?
• I almost like the colors, but why are they politicizing this?
• My glasses are so fogged up I can’t drive.
• People think I’m from New York.
• My ex-girlfriend (boyfriend) can’t recognize me.
• I have to wash it all the time, and that wastes lots of energy.
• Nobody asks for my phone number anymore.
• My enemies are wearing them on Facebook.
• No one can see my really great shade of lipstick.
• Lipstick smears the insides and then I have to taste it all afternoon.
• My boss likes me better without it.
• I can’t find any, and they’re too expensive.
• No one gets to see my killer smile, and I spent half my IRA on that.
• I want to look like Zorro(a,) not a bank robber.

As the mask wars continue, feel free to write your own reasons pro and con. It’s time to unmask masking.