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I have been studying the science of sex for the last 10 years. During that time, I’ve learned a lot about what turns people on, from the vanilla to the kinky.
Just when I thought I’d heard it all, I embarked on a study of sexual desire that ultimately became the largest and most comprehensive survey of sexual fantasies ever conducted in the United States. This study formed the basis for my new book, Tell Me What You Want.
I asked more than 4,000 people to describe their biggest sexual fantasy of all time in their own words. Most of the fantasies that emerged weren’t particularly surprising to me and focused on things like threesomes, BDSM, and adding novelty and variety into one’s sex life, such as experimenting with sex toys or trying a new position.
However, there were some rare desires that stuck out to me, because they just aren’t things you hear about every day, even if you’re someone like me who happens to study sex for a living. Here’s a look at four of the more uncommon sexual fantasies I came across in my survey. As you’ll see, more often than not, they appear to represent creative variations on common fantasy themes.
1. The human cow
One woman said her fantasy was to effectively be turned into a cow. Specifically, she described wanting to be force-fed hormones so that her breasts would swell, and she would lactate continuously. In her fantasy, she is tied up in the center of town, where people can come and use her as a human “milk machine” and have sex with her at will.
Out of the thousands of fantasies I received, there was only one like this; however, I later discovered that there is a whole porn genre devoted to women with cow’s bodies who get milked. In fact, a quick search on Pornhub yields over 1,500 hits for “human cow!” So what does this fantasy mean? Well, it obviously contains elements of bondage and submission, so it would fall under the general umbrella of BDSM; however, it also has a very fetishistic element to it with the emphasis on pumping and drinking breast milk.
2. The human doll
One woman described her favorite fantasy as being turned into an inanimate doll—one that sits in her own bedroom and is forced to watch while her husband has sex with a very attractive woman. The doll is turned on by the experience and wants to touch herself, but is physically unable to move.
Aside from the doll angle, this fantasy shares a lot in common with a fairly popular fantasy known as cuckolding, in which someone (usually a man) watches his partner have sex with someone else. Cuckolding fantasies (one form of consensual non-monogamy) often have a BDSM component in which the watcher/observer takes on a submissive, voyeuristic role and is sometimes humiliated in the process.
3. Getting eaten alive
A couple of participants described their favorite fantasy as “vore,” which refers to the desire to literally be eaten alive by a very large creature. For example, one man talked about wanting to be rolled around in the mouth of a monster and “sucked on like a piece of candy.” He is then swallowed and struggles for a while to get out of the monster’s stomach; however, he is unsuccessful and is ultimately digested.
This fantasy is yet another variant of BDSM in which a creature or monster completely dominates a person by eating them.
4. Being overtaken by tentacles
Six of my participants said their biggest sex fantasy involved tentacles in some way. For example, one person said she wanted to have sex with an octopus, while another talked about wanting to be taken advantage of by an alien or plant that has tentacles. In all of these cases, the individual talked about wanting to be penetrated by multiple tentacles simultaneous and, sometimes, become impregnated by the creature.
Again, there’s a domination-submission component here, but these fantasies have some other interesting features, too. For example, there’s a parallel to group sex fantasies here in that the person is being pleasured by multiple appendages simultaneously. These people described an overwhelming amount of physical stimulation, akin to what one might experience as the center of attention in an orgy. In addition, at least for women, there’s sometimes a pregnancy fetish that goes along with tentacle fantasies.
What these fantasies tell us
So what do all of these desires tell us? For one thing, a lot of uncommon sexual desires actually appear to be variations on very popular themes—like BDSM, group sex, non-monogamy, and novelty. However, the other major take-home message here is that humans are endlessly inventive and imaginative sexual beings. There’s a lot of flexibility in how we can mentally satisfy our sexual desires.
References
Lehmiller, J. J. (2018). Tell Me What You Want: The Science of Sexual Desire and How It Can Help You Improve Your Sex Life. Boston, MA: Da Capo.
