Overcoming the Sexual Pressures of Valentine's Day

Ah, Valentine's Day! A day that has traditionally been filled with flowers, chocolates, and teddy bears. Today, Valentine's Day represents so much more. This Hallmark holiday now represents a bold new opportunity to embrace one’s sexuality and explore their body.

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There is societal pressure to have sex on Valentine's Day. The marketing messages around the day of love only increase the pressure to engage in some form of sexual activity. This leads to a buildup of pressure, only decreasing the goal of sex: physical and emotional pleasure.

Whether you are cuffed up or not, Valentine’s Day is the perfect day to learn more about your sexuality and body. Make the point to learn about your body, embrace your sexual side, have a little fun, and make yourself and your partner feel emotionally and physically empowered.

Here are a few suggestions on how to overcome Valentine’s Day sexual pressures.

Do something that makes you feel sexy and empowered in the morning.

To have the desire to have sex, we must feel sexy on the inside and out! Start your day by doing something that makes you feel physically sexy and mentally confident. Think outside the box with this one!

Here are a few ideas to get you started:

• Wear your sexiest piece of lingerie to work.
• Start your day with a workout to get those endorphins pumping.
• Listen to music that makes you feel emotionally strong.
• Do Kegel exercises during a meeting.
• Add a little sexy flirting when chatting with your partner.

It doesn’t matter what you choose as long as it leaves you feeling sexy and emotionally empowered.

The goal of sex is physical and emotional pleasure, not an orgasm.

The goal of sex is pleasure. Many people feel that they need to have an orgasm to prove to their partner they are enjoying their sex life. This pressure distracts us from being mentally connected and in tune with our bodies. The best way to enjoy sex is to feel physically and emotionally relaxed. If you find yourself anxious or mentally districted, take a moment to pause. Take a few deep breaths and ground yourself in the moment. Once you have regained control of your mind and breath, you can go right back to where you were.

Remember, the goal of sex is pleasure; the orgasm is just a bonus.

Create sexual tension from afar.

Maintaining a hot and steamy sex life starts with being able to build and maintain sexual tension. Foreplay starts from the moment you wake up. Educate yourself on what turns your partner on and, of course, what turns your partner off. As a sexologist, I recommend you ask your partner questions to gain an accurate understanding of what they find mentally and emotionally stimulating. Take note of what your partner shares and engage in those activities each day, especially on Valentine's Day. You may be surprised at what you learn. Many behaviors or activities that turn a person on have nothing to do with sex.

Don’t use Valentine’s Day as a reason to try something new.

As I said earlier, there is already a lot of pressure around this heart-shaped holiday. Exploring a new sexual desire on this day will only add sexual pressure.

If you want to try something new, go for it, but don’t feel that’s what your sex life or relationship needs to meet the pressures of the holiday. It is fine to fall into old habits. They have lasted for a reason.

Whether you are coupled up or not, let this Valentine's Day be a motivating holiday to feel sexy in your skin. The best way to have great sex with yourself or a partner is to know your pleasure pathway. Let this holiday remind you to embrace your sexual self and continue exploring your body. If you are in a relationship, I encourage you to let this holiday remind you to share with your partner what you desire and what you want to explore, and to learn what you both find sexy!