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We are not talking about the 1980s effort to reduce youth drug use, which was relatively ineffective, except for being a well-known media campaign. It might be strange that we are suggesting that saying “No” might be part of a column written with the theme of a Mental Health Revolution. Well, we are serious that the foundations of any progressive changes might just start with the simple word “No.”
This might sound relatively self-defeating to be able to initiate the types of changes that are certainly needed in this age of a decimating, viral pandemic and unjust racial inequality. And yet, it is precisely due to these types of issues that “No” has greater appeal and is an essential practice for our mental health and advocacy work.
The boundary-setting “No” is not intended for everyone and every situation. There will be most vital areas where “Yes” is appropriate and even necessary, but a carefully delivered “No” will make the “Yes” even possible. You may wonder how that might be?
Many of us are dealing with more stress, more issues that seem insurmountable, and global crises that affect so many aspects of our lives. With these surmounting issues, so many of us are being approached to be involved in multiple, worthy—as well as some unworthy—causes, all being packaged within the guise of social justice. If we even attempt to engage in these escalating requests for our time, we would be spread rather thin and would provide little justice to any cause. Here is where the word “No” becomes essential. To use this word for all the tasks that we cannot possibly be involved in, and by using such a word, mindful of kindness, we can save our energies and talents for the tasks that both meet our ability and stay somewhat balanced and effective in our efforts.
This sounds so logical. Why is it so hard to say this one-syllable word? There are multiple reasons, and they probably vary for each of us, and probably become more poignant for some requests than others. When asked to assume time-consuming, worthwhile tasks, in our workplaces, it is certainly harder to say “No” to a boss where future opportunities might be denied. Equally difficult is saying “No” to close friends, family members, and even organizations and settings where we actively participate.
What we are bringing up is the use of “No” for the numerous requests that do not have the pulls that the ones above seem to have. We say “Yes” and agree with far too many requests because we feel impelled to do something, to please others, but it is the very act of saying “Yes” too frequently that will reduce our energy, time, and clear focus on the very precious tasks where we need to say “Yes”.
We hope we have not discouraged you or even prompted you to be less of an advocate for social justice. We hope we have encouraged you to be mindful with your choices on how you spend your vital time, as the two-letter word might help preserve you to be the change agent that our world so desperately needs you to be.
