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I believe we are always doing the best we can. I call this our I-M. This is who I am and I Matter. Our I-M is always adapting to Four Domains. Our Home Domain, our Social Domain, our Biological Domain of our brain and body, and our Ic Domain, or how I see myself and how I think other people see me. Using the I-M lens there is no pathology. There is only our I-M, doing the best we can at this moment in time, adapting to a shift in any of the Domains to another I-M.
How will wearing a mask influence our human interactions? Is there an unforeseen consequence of this adaptation and innovation in response to the Coronavirus?
Human beings look at faces to understand what somebody else is thinking or feeling. While we especially look at the eyes, we also assess the nose, mouth, and jaw. I smile when I feel happy, but may put my lips when I feel sad or disappointed. When you see me smile, you guess what I am feeling. That is empathy — “How ya feeling?” You can guess if I am happy or sad, worried, curious, satisfied, or discontent, based on the way my face looks. I am doing it, and we all are doing it. These feelings are universal, and the faces that go along with them can be recognized across all cultures.
Human beings have relied on being able to see someone else’s face since we first emerged as a social animal. Humans almost instantaneously integrate our assessment of facial expression into an interpretation of what’s on that person’s mind, and what’s in their mind. We can’t see someone’s mind, so we have to guess what are they thinking and feeling. We count on it. In The I-M Approach, I call this interest in what others think or feel, and especially what they think or feel about me, The Ic Domain, my current concept of myself and others. I see.
The emotion we recognize the fastest is anger. From a survival point of view, that makes sense. I need to know if someone is angry to decide if I am in danger of them enacting anger as aggression. While empathy is important, (why is that person angry?), what we really want to know is what is that person thinking or feeling about me. Am I in danger, or am I safe? Should I trust or mistrust? I look at your face and make my guess.
But now millions of people will be wearing a mask. What happens when we can’t see a person’s entire face? We may become anxious. Anxiety is the flight branch of fight or flight. We worry if we are in danger. We worry if we need to defend ourselves by activating anger, and prepare to fight.
There is a lot of fear in the world right now because of the pandemic of Coronavirus. What makes that fear and uncertainty worse is that a large percentage of people infected with Coronavirus have no symptoms. As carriers of the virus, however, they are contagious. When you see someone wearing a mask you can become afraid of them.
But the mask we wear to defend against Coronavirus need not be a symbol of fear and anger. The person wearing the mask need not be interpreted as having the virus and not be trusted, a person to be avoided. (A person who is avoided can become fearful they will be alone, and leave them vulnerable to sadness, anxiety, anger, and despair.)
I know many people are protesting the imposition on their rights and freedom of choice when being told to wear a mask. That is an I-M, as valid a position as wearing a mask. But wearing a mask is not a blind submission to a demand. It is an expression of caring for someone else, just in case you are one of those asymptomatic carriers.
The I-M Approach has two rules. 1) Small change can have big effects. 2) You control no one but influence everyone. You get to choose the kind of influence you want to be. The small change of wearing a mask could have a big effect, protecting someone else from the virus entering the biological domain, and may be saving someone else’s life. That is an influence I want to be. If I do not know I have the virus, at least I can make an effort to protect you.
We all have a choice. But whenever I wear a mask I am trying to send a message to everyone else that I care about them. I am not wearing a mask because I am afraid of them. Whenever I see a person wearing a mask I am grateful, because I know they are trying to protect me. And when they protect me, they are communicating that I am valuable. And letting me know they see me as valuable makes me see them as valuable as well.
Not wearing a mask is an I-M, expressing free will. I respect that, and want to know more about why a person makes that choice. But what if you are one of those asymptomatic carriers? I truly believe that the vast majority of people do not want to hurt another human being. We are social animals, and rely on each other to have a safe Home and Social domain. Wearing a mask symbolizes that human desire to care for someone else. It is freedom of choice. In your heart of hearts, what kind of influence do you want to be? You get to choose.
Behind that mask is a face, a person you can trust to have your back. Just six feet apart.
