Verified by 
QUESTION
Hi Irene,
I met this friend at a previous job where we worked in the same department but were doing different jobs. Over time, we got to know one another better, and my husband and I started hanging out with this friend and his wife after work. The four of us started a standing weekly get-together, where we would have dinner, talk, and watch a TV show.
I ended up leaving the company to start at another job in the area. We kept our weekly get-togethers going during this time (for a year or so).
He was not happy at the old company either so when an opening became available at my new workplace, I recommended him for the position. He got the job, and is now working directly alongside me. This new environment is overall more laid back than our old company, but it is still expected that we get our work done (In other words, we are not micromanaged). He has taken advantage of this, and spends lots of time at work slacking off.
Because we are the only two people that work in our department, I have had to pick up the slack to make sure we meet deadlines. He has become rather lazy, in general. He will choose the easy tasks to do, leaving me with the more challenging ones. He has lied to my face about doing a task that I know he did not do. He occasionally treats me as his secretary; asking me for immediate favors even when I’m in the middle of doing my own tasks.
I am the type of person who has a hard time saying “No” so I generally do what he asks, then hate myself later for it. We will also have discussions about work-related topics with each other and bounce ideas off one another. He will then present my ideas in group meetings like he came up with them! This is all very annoying to me, especially coming from someone who claims to be a friend. Amidst all of this, he and his wife still come over for our dinner/TV meetup.
The friendship is strained, and we don’t really talk about anything other than work anymore (and even then, I have started guarding what I say so that he doesn’t “steal” my ideas). I’m not really sure I want to continue the friendship, but I don’t know how to “break up” without causing problems at work. What is the best way for me to end the friendship, but still keep a cordial work relationship? Or, is there any way to repair the friendship at this point? As the friendship stands now, I don’t feel as if it adds any value to my life, so I’m not sure it’s worth it.
Thank you for any help you can offer!
Signed, Mindy
ANSWER
Hi Mindy,
It’s very nice to forge a friendship at work; it can make time spent at work more enjoyable and some studies even suggest that it can make workers more productive. It sounds like this one was going well until it got derailed by your friend taking advantage of you.
What if your co-worker wasn’t a friend? Would you allow that person to slack off, lie to you, and take credit for your ideas? Probably not. The standards for a friend at work shouldn’t be any less. Your work is your livelihood; your primary responsibility is to yourself and your employer to get the job done well. It’s not surprising that your friendship would be strained given this situation.
You need to have a heart-to-heart with your friend and let him know your feelings about the way he has been treating you and shirking responsibility. Offer specific examples of how he has disappointed you and let him know that you expect to be treated with respect. Try to be factual rather than emotional. Although this may be a difficult conversation to have, it will be easier in the long run than not confronting him at all. Otherwise, your frustration will only continue to grow.
Remain cordial at work. The weekly get-togethers are secondary to your work relationship. Based on his response, you can decide whether or not you want to continue them or take a hiatus.
If you can’t resolve this situation on your own, you may have no alternative but to confide in your supervisor for support and ideas. I assume your husband already understands why the friendship feels strained for you.
Hope this helps.
My best, Irene
Have a friendship question or dilemma? Visit www.TheFriendshipBlog.com.
