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QUESTION
Dear Friendship Doctor,
My friendship is almost ruined and you’re the only one I could ask for help. I have my friend’s Facebook password so I was curious last night and logged in on her page (my mistake). I read a conversation with another of my friends. They were talking about me, how none of them trusts me anymore, and how I always act like I’m superior to them and how they can’t stand me anymore.
Things weren’t going right those days between us, but reading that conversation made me feel like the worst crap on earth. It really hurt me, a lot.
I don’t know what to do now. They were always my best friends but reading those things made me rethink that. What can I do? I obviously can’t tell her I logged in on her Facebook page but I don’t want to save all that for myself. I really hope you can help me but I’m really afraid that my friendship might be over.
Signed, Lulu
ANSWER
Dear Lulu,
Ouch! I’m so sorry this happened to you. There is really no way to undo the damage you have done. If your friend already had problems trusting you, she will be very upset with this breech of trust, even if reading what you did was accidental.
It was wrong to log on to someone else’s account without permission, and you wound up paying for that mistake by reading what your friends said about you, unfiltered. Bear in mind that no one thought you would be reading these comments and, sometimes, words and feelings come across more harshly online than they are intended. Since your friend doesn’t know that you saw her remarks, just continue to behave as if this didn’t happen.
You say you already had a sense that things were rocky in your relationship with your friend so you have two choices:
1) Try to improve the friendship by being a better friend, or
2) Distance yourself from this friend and concentrate on other friendships.
It was good judgment to write to me anonymously rather than to share this transgression with your friend. I can’t imagine her being anything but furious at your actions and embarrassed that she got caught talking about you like that.
Your note provides two important lessons for others:
- Never share your Facebook password with anyone or give someone else the key to your diary.
- Never put anything online that you wouldn’t want read by someone else.
Unfortunately, there’s no going back; you can only go forward. Hope this helps!
Best, Irene
Have a friendship problem or dilemma? Visit The Friendship Doctor. Rita Braver of CBS This Morning called her the "Dear Abby of Friendship". The Irish Times called her the "Agony Aunt." Join the lively conversation in the Forums section of the Blog.
