What if the Snake Is Actually a Hose?

There is a common parable told in meditation circles of a person who is walking and sees a snake in the grass, jumps back, and immediately runs to the other side of the street—only to realize later that the snake is a hose. The story's purpose is to demonstrate how our minds can distort what we see once fear takes hold.

As a new season is upon us for the summer, I have found myself reflecting on how we perceive the world around us and behave in specific ways when driven by fear. As this season is often associated with new beginnings, we can only get to where we need to be for a fresh start if we can relinquish our fear and step forward with abandon.

Fear can make us irrational, it can undermine our hold on reality, making benign situations or people appear to pose a threat to us, when in fact they don’t. Fear can make us mistake a hose for a snake.

A family friend who has a history of cancer in her family, for instance, recently disclosed to me that she hasn’t been able to schedule her mammogram because of fear. As she was telling me the story, I marveled at how illogical she sounded—the optimal action to take when there is a history of cancer in a family is to stay on top of screenings as early detection can be a lifesaver. However, as I further reflected on my friend's story, I realized that what I saw as illogical was actually a fear-based paralysis on her part.

When fear feels debilitating, one recourse is to shut down or move away from what scares us. Moreover, in the case of breast cancer specifically, fear is a large part of survivor experiences. Bentley and colleagues (2024) have reported that fear of recurrence of cancer is one of the most commonly reported experiences of survivors. One could apply these findings also to those within a family with a history of cancer who have not themselves been diagnosed—the fear of also getting what their family member did. In the case of this particular friend, her fear of also experiencing what other women in the family have has led her to move away from screenings, rather than towards it.

When we make irrational decisions based on fear, we further empower our fear, making us shrink back even more. The only way to truly overcome our fear—it is a cliché, but true—is to face it. Oftentimes, we imagine that people who have courage are fearless. But true courage is actually strongly intertwined with fear—it is being scared, but doing whatever scares us anyway.

Such a description of courage is consistent with what scholarship has identified when it has been systematically studied. For instance, Gal and Rucker (2021) share in their literature review three common features as part of courageous action: the purpose behind the action, the intention in the act, and, aptly, the presence of fear. Thus, courageous action isn’t based on being fearless, it is based on feeling fear and moving towards the object or situation (or person, as the case may be). In the case of this family friend, I tried to talk through her fear with her and get her to see that the best action to maintain her health would be to schedule the mammogram, rather than continue to put it off. Moreover, once she takes such action, she can better manage her fears and hopefully continue to engage in proactive screenings to maintain her health.

This brings us back to the snake in the grass, which continues to be a hose. Studies that have looked at the role fear plays in how we cope with situations in our lives suggest the best way to process such feelings is to cultivate better emotional-regulation skills and to be given the space to process and openly disclose what we are afraid of (that is, Bentley and colleagues, 2024). This is what slays the monster of fear: Saying the words out loud or acknowledging we are scared shrinks the fear and allows us to work towards overcoming it.

As the season of new beginnings is upon us, don’t be held back by what you may fear. Instead of moving away or resisting what you may be afraid of, turn towards it and see how it feels to confront it head-on. You will likely discover that you are more capable than you realized and that the snake was just a hose all along.

Copyright Azadeh Aalai 2024

Source: Pixabay/Curtis2020